Confessions of a Rebounder

[mr.dream merchant]

Vanessa. Sherri. Jenifer. Farah. Malorie. Evel. Alyssa.

 

 

All steps in my moving on process, but why do I feel like I'm still on step one? I'm the dumpee. The heartbroken. The depressed and deprived. I feign happiness to force my mind to move on, but at nights, when I would hold her, talk to her, kiss her through the phone..I find myself having sex with them. I see their face, total ecstasy. In my mind, I think of you. To keep my sexual arousal up. To service them, in order to move me forward. But why can't I?

 

Its just sex. Empty meaningless pleasures of the flesh. Some of them like me, care for me. They know my position but still, they give their bodies to me. I trap them with my charm, its heavy. The same smile I flashed you when we first met, I flash them when we're taking shots, or body shots, or double shots. They know I'm in pain. But I hide it well.

 

Into the room we go. Or the car. Off with the clothes. Inside of them I delve, into memories of you and I. Your smile, your light touch, your kisses, your lovely body and your beautiful skin. Inside of their bodies, I dream of you once again. In their moment of ecstasy, I find pain. I find haunting thoughts of joy. I see them, laid on the bed, loins spread wide open as I pleasure you. They cry out in bliss when they arrive, I cry out in pain as you leave me over and over again in the fabric of my mind. Whispering those last words of pain, hurt, anger and relentlessness to me. They tell me I'm incredible, sexy, amazing. You told me I was no good for you.

 

Into their bodies I drive myself. Thinking of you with another man. Determination, pain, and depression are the fuel to the fire of their passion. Thoughts of you moving on are the fuel to my endless rebound. A cycle that only brings me back to you, back to square one. Moments of heaven lead me back to Hell's gates. Only to see your face once again. Where do I go? Where do I stay? All I can see is you. In everything I do.

 

I leave them, they're satisfied. I'll forever be hungry. They think its love they've found, but its love that I've lost, and can never rekindle. Thoughts of them giving themselves to me. Thoughts of you, giving yourself to him. I don't know if there even is a him, a month into our split. But I tell myself every moment, that you have gone away. Never to return. Never to want me again. Rekindling love in the arms of him. Giving yourself to him. Finding joy, happiness, and excitement in his presence. In his company its joy I hope you find. But that joy you may have found only knocks me on the ground. And when I turn, there they lay. Just a girl for the night, some random play.

 

So here I am once again, back to square one with a chick named Kim. I dig her out, I make her squeal. She calls me papi, tells me I'm the real deal. In her eyes, I see your face. In her eyes I travel to a far, distant place. Her cries of joy, so far away. Myself in hell, for one more day. Thoughts of you I can't keep at bay. Thoughts of you, they're here to stay.

 

I love you so much, you were my world.

You loving him, my babygirl.........................................

[boogieboy]

Now youre just bragging.

[Lucky_One]

Mr. Dream?

 

You're not a rebounder.

 

You're being a man-whore. And you certainly will not impress your XGF, and your behavior (if it is true, which I have to really doubt) will do nothing but disgust her.

 

If having sex with these women isn't bringing you pleasure, then stop doing it. You talk so much trash about club-ho's, but you are just a club-ho maker.

 

And believe it or not - I AM sorry that you are hurting and that your GF broke up with you. But your behavior now isn't anything to celebrate.

[boogieboy]

Mr. Dream?

 

You're not a rebounder.

 

You're being a man-whore. And you certainly will not impress your XGF, and your behavior (if it is true, which I have to really doubt) will do nothing but disgust her.

 

If having sex with these women isn't bringing you pleasure, then stop doing it. You talk so much trash about club-ho's, but you are just a club-ho maker.

 

And believe it or not - I AM sorry that you are hurting and that your GF broke up with you. But your behavior now isn't anything to celebrate.

 

He still needs help though. Its obvious they even after being with all these women he still cant get his ex out of his head. I cant even fathom this. What is he supposed to do to get his ex out of his head besides take a break from dating?

[Lucky_One]

What's wrong with taking a break from dating?

 

You say that like it's a bad thing. Isn't it best to let your heart heal before you go jumping into something that is predestined to fail, and to drag another person down with you?

 

How about - buy a guitar and take classes. Go to salsa lessons. Register at community college and take a course in grant writing. Pick up extra hours at college, if you are already a student. Call the Boys Club and see if they need volunteers to help with kids (and I can assure you that they do). Become a coach at the Rec Dept. Go visit your grandmother for the entire weekend, and drive her around to all the old cemeteries where your ancestors are buried and take pictures of the tombstones, and then post them online on a CemeteryGraveyard Locating site. Start researching your family background. Become a reading tutor at a local elementary school. Deliver Meals on Wheels one lunch hour per month.

 

There are things in life that are so incredibly important besides women. Love is an incredible thing to have and to cherish, but it isn't the be-all and end-all of the world.

 

Becoming a happy and valuable member of society is a whole lot better way to find a life partner than by tapping every woman you see.

[Thaddeus]

Its just sex. Empty meaningless pleasures of the flesh.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. - Woody Allen

 

Sorry, just had to throw that in there...

[Surfer Dude]

IMO, no matter how many chicks you screw, some emotional pain never goes away. You just have to deal with it in different ways. It's mostly an issue of unfulfilled and shattered expectations.

 

Try exploring the idea of outcome independence, focusing on the process etc. As long as you're trying to attain something, it will elude you and you will end up frustrated. You can't expect to fill that hole in your heart by laying women. So basically screwing a chick won't help you forget your ex. It's like trying to fix a car engine by repairing a TV. It has nothing to do with it.

 

Universe spares no one and doesn't care about our choices... no matter if you grieve or not, things will stay the same. Stars will keep forming, Earth will continue orbiting the Sun... No matter what we do, the bigger picture never changes. So you might as well stop grieving, since there's no point to it. No one will feel sorry for you, no one will care. I might feel compassion for you, but again, nothing will change. There's no justice in universe, it's a human based concept. Accept what happened and move on. No one gets unscathed, that's life.

[kizik]

...screwing a chick won't help you forget your ex. It's like trying to fix a car engine by repairing a TV. It has nothing to do with it.

 

Very well-said.

[EmperorR]

I know how it is, i remember the first time i screwed a girl after my ex fiance, all i could think of was my ex, i even accidently muttered my ex name during sex.

[boogieboy]

 

Try exploring the idea of outcome independence, focusing on the process etc. As long as you're trying to attain something, it will elude you and you will end up frustrated.

 

Maybe I am an idiot, but Im having trouble understanding what you mean by this......?

[kizik]

I think Surfer means that expectation = disappointment.

[Road To Joy]

What's wrong with taking a break from dating?

 

You say that like it's a bad thing. Isn't it best to let your heart heal before you go jumping into something that is predestined to fail, and to drag another person down with you?

 

How about - buy a guitar and take classes. Go to salsa lessons. Register at community college and take a course in grant writing. Pick up extra hours at college, if you are already a student. Call the Boys Club and see if they need volunteers to help with kids (and I can assure you that they do). Become a coach at the Rec Dept. Go visit your grandmother for the entire weekend, and drive her around to all the old cemeteries where your ancestors are buried and take pictures of the tombstones, and then post them online on a CemeteryGraveyard Locating site. Start researching your family background. Become a reading tutor at a local elementary school. Deliver Meals on Wheels one lunch hour per month.

 

There are things in life that are so incredibly important besides women. Love is an incredible thing to have and to cherish, but it isn't the be-all and end-all of the world.

 

Becoming a happy and valuable member of society is a whole lot better way to find a life partner than by tapping every woman you see.

 

This has got to be one of the best things I've read on this site so far.

 

 

Oh, and Mr. Dream, I know nobody's mentioning this, but you're a very talented writer.

[mr.dream merchant]

When I created this post, it wasn't to boast or brag about having sex with several people after a month into my breakup. It was to show, and possibly get good advice (which I did), that sex is more or less a physical thing. It was to show people the mind of the rebounder. To show people the mind of their exes who have already been having sexual intercourse with others soon after their split. Sex does not alleviate anything but at the moment urges and basic human needs. After the deed is done, I always found myself missing my ex so much more. And it made me realize that even though these girls were very attractive, alot more curvacious than my ex, they didn't hold a candle to what my ex was for me, the love of my life. I tried my best to describe as the deed plays out, that in everything they did, every sensation I felt through them, all I saw was her. And all I wanted was her. And at times, I even imagined it was her. I haven't been seeing other women because I know now that it doesn't really do much for me. Their company is nice yes, but they just cannot provide for me what is currently missing in my life, and that is my ex. Do I want my ex back? Nope. Do I miss her? Hell yeah. Do I still think about her? **** yes. Does she still turn me on more than anything ever? You bet.

 

Even though a person may be engaging in sexual activity soon after their split, it doesn't mean they don't miss, care, or long for you. I'm pretty sure they wish it were you who was giving them pleasure. But some things just can't be. Everyone has needs, and sex is definitely one of them. But don't confuse sex for love, passion, or them moving on.

 

Through this breakup I've lightened up ALOT on sexuality. I mean alot. No I'm not turning into a homosexual. And no I'm not trying to find reason in laying these girls. But what I have done is overcome that petty judgemental view on sex that I had before. Now I truly understand that it is just a physical element of life. And when you share that element with someone who you really have no love or passion for, it really is lackluster in comparison to what you've had with that one you really do/did care for.

 

Reading this post again really makes me smile, I see this as a vital step in MY healing process. Because like many others, I feared my ex moving on, ****ing other guys. I really did. But when I jumped into that myself, I laughed afterwards. It just made sense. Why fear something so small? I laughed even harder when I thought about me thinking of her to keep it up! I mean, damn..love really does trump all.

 

If your ex really and truely cared for and loved you, do not worry about anything. Just accept that you two have your differences. But don't for a second think they do not miss you. Or that they do not love you or care for you anymore, even if they are having what will seem like (to them!) empty meaningless sex with others. Yeah that may be the case with some exes, but chances are that they didn't truely love or care for you anyways. And if that's the case, well damn, you win either way. You wouldn't want someone like that in your life.

 

I hope this thread doesn't disappear into the history of this website. I really want those who are fearing their ex moving on, or fearing their ex is having sex with others, or even fearing their current SO's sexual past, and thinking their ex or current SO does not care, or feels those others were better, to see that it doesn't mean anything. This thread is to help you understand that sex combined with love and passion...there's just no comparison. So laugh it off when you see your recently made ex with another person who's attractive. You already know that what they have and are sharing...it aint got **** on what you two shared.

[Thaddeus]

Funny this should come up. There was an article in a newspaper today about this exact thing.

 

Broken heart? A rebound relationship may do you good

 

From the article:

But new research suggests that for certain people – those who are “anxiously attached” – a rebound fling may actually be beneficial.

 

“Rebound relationships may provide benefits that lay theories and self-help books either fail to recognize or underestimate,” writes University of Toronto PhD student Stephanie Spielmann, whose research will appear in October's Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

[Marina09]

This post made me cry! I hope my ex would feel a little of the love you feel for your ex for me... I had sex only once after the break up, I enjoyed the physical contact and the pleasures of it, but I thought about him all the time... I'm a woman and it left me empty hearted, there was no love, no hugs, no kisses, just plain physical sex. I don't think I'm doing it again until I fall in love again, which hopefully is soon...