redant Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Ok I spend alot of time away from my bf. I'm asking a general question. I worry what if my current bf meets someone that grabs his attention more than me. Someone exciting pretty whatever. I mean how do I know that I can keep his attention? Yea it's sounds stupid now that I'm writing it. Maybe pathetic. It's just I worry at times what if. I know someone could catch my attention also. I guess that's why it's a commitment. But I'm asking how do I think rationally about this? I mean he is not under my power or control we have our own wills and if he wants to or falls for someone else then there's nothing I can do except live my life alone until somone else comes along. I guess I want to feel good about my life with or without him and not worry about him. I think that's it. I know I can meet new people if he decides to be with someone else. Men aren't scarce. Of course I want things to work. I just keep in mind that anything can happen. He could do anything and I don't want to be sucker punched or shocked if it were to occur. Any thoughts?
boogieboy Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 this is how you dont worry. Hes not in your control. There isnt much you can do to keep him from falling in love at first sight with someone he meets elsewhere. But that rarely happens, and you being yourself should be enough for him. But one way to drive him away is jealousy. Even if you dont mention it to him, your actions will speak differently and he will pick up on them. It also sounds like you have trust issues maybe stemming from previous bf's? You gotta take care of that really. On the other hand, if you think there are things that you could be doing to increase his attraction to you, then you better jump on them. They can only help you if you deliver them right. Personally I wouldnt do LDR's just for this reason. BTW if you dont see the signs coming of someone losing interest, youre gonna get sucker punched regardless. So you better stay astute and ahead of the game.
Author redant Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Alot of things are in my head and only in mine. I think anyway. Fears. Yes I have trust issues. I've come to the conclusion to not ever trust completely. Maybe it can be built over time, but I know we are all human. Not perfect. We see each other often and soon more often so not exactly LDR. But yea sometimes it's annoying. Will change soon. I do all I can to be attractive. I always want to look my best for myself also. Yea talktome, I think alot is in my own worrisome head. I think alot. Gracias.
boogieboy Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Alot of things are in my head and only in mine. I think anyway. Fears. Yes I have trust issues. I've come to the conclusion to not ever trust completely. Maybe it can be built over time, but I know we are all human. Not perfect. We see each other often and soon more often so not exactly LDR. But yea sometimes it's annoying. Will change soon. I do all I can to be attractive. I always want to look my best for myself also. Yea talktome, I think alot is in my own worrisome head. I think alot. Gracias. No you seemed to miss my point... What I said was if you think there are things that you could be doing to increase his attraction to YOU, then you better jump on them. You cant just LOOK good. You have to be more interesting. Thats IF want to be confident that you can keep his attention. Are you willing to do that?
Author redant Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Sure I am. What do I do play hard to get and date other guys? I mean how can you become interesting? I feel I am myself I can't force interestingness?
boogieboy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Sure I am. What do I do play hard to get and date other guys? I mean how can you become interesting? I feel I am myself I can't force interestingness? First...You have to find out what hes doing to make you feel like you cant keep his attention. if you think he is pulling away from you, you have to find out why. And eventually ask him. You have to find out if its something youre not doing, or if youre just paranoid. Get to the bottom of it so you wont wonder. Then Youre going to have to do some research to find out make yourself more attractive mentally. No you cant force interesting ness but you can find out about more interesting and fun things to talk to him about. You can play hard to get, but you have to be careful with that, I dont know how deep your relationship is, but playing the push pull game might lead to misunderstandings. But if you find out he is seeing other girls, or taking you for granted, thats where the hard to get comes into play.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 You realize that if you are doing your best to be the best you can be, if he's going to stray, he's going to, and that's about him, not you. If he's going to remain loyal, that's also a choice on his part. The rational conclusion is: there is nothing at all to be gained from worrying.
Island Girl Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I have been best served by the idea that if a guy I am seeing who has MY utter devotion, body, mind, and all that entails thinks he has found somebody else better or wants to try then I was obviously mistaken about his intelligence level and would be GLAD to be rid of him. Once unburdened by carrying such dead weight and devoting myself to someone who clearly can not appreciate what was given I'd be free to find the man that DOES appreciate what a gift he's been given in ME.
Author redant Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 I appreciate all these great perspectives. Thanks!
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