Lucky_One Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I'm not changing my mind on this. This is her gate/boundary and her responsibility to maintain it. He never physically forced her to do anything. I agree. I don't think he physically forced her into anything, either. And I do think that she needs to learn better boundary enforcement (see my above post). It isn't easy to learn for some women, and having a patient caring guy around can really help her do that. But I do see equal responsibility for this situation.
dreamergrl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I think what's tripping me up is, knowing that she changed her mind, he STUCK IT IN ANYWAY knowing that she didn't want it at worst, and was confused at best, and then was VERY QUICK. Did she even have a chance to maintain her boundary? That, we don't know. My thoughts exactly. OP did claim that because of the foreplay he was quick. Was he in just for a few moments? Then pulled out right before losing it? Just having it stuck in you when you are unsure what you want can be very confusing, especially if she's young, and she is obviously not that experienced (1 previous partner). Maybe she does have sex issues. Maybe there's something about the way she was raised. All we know is she's stated several times that she was not ready for sex. Even during this foreplay, she agreed to have sex, then decided against it. Then OP stuck it in. It sounds like she said no to me, then wasn't sure what to do when he stuck it in anyways.
Author Explorer Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 I think what's tripping me up is, knowing that she changed her mind, he STUCK IT IN ANYWAY knowing that she didn't want it at worst, and was confused at best, and then was VERY QUICK. Did she even have a chance to maintain her boundary? That, we don't know. It may have been quick but there was plenty of time for her to stop me and from what I could see, she was enjoying it.
dreamergrl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 It may have been quick but there was plenty of time for her to stop me and from what I could see, she was enjoying it. But before this she DID SAY NO. You said in your first post that she was hesitant then agreed then changed her mind. You shouldn't have stuck it in after that. And how do you know if she had plenty of time, by who's standards? Maybe she was afraid to say no the second time because you still put it in her after she changed her mind.
Trimmer Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I think this: We've had talks about how she's not comfortable with intimacy... ... and this ... she's traditional about it being with someone special. No casual sex. are two COMPLETELY different things... The latter is something I can understand and respect. The former sets off alarm bells, and I think foreshadowed your confusing experience with her...
Trialbyfire Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Yup, push me/pull me, tied up into shame and guilt for a natural act. An unhealthy dynamic. Edit - She's no virgin to woo. Btw, is she Catholic?
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