yankees13 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 ok so I have been trying to implement the no contact rule, but so far it hasn't been working. I get weak and when he text or calls I ask for more reason as to why he did this to me. He left me last weekend to raise two of his four children and is going back with his ex wife. During our relationship I believed he was an honest person and always trusted him, meanwhile he always thought I was cheating. So I know recently he went to visit his ex girlfriend (who has child number 4) and I was a little worried they would reunite and possible hook up and he reassured me nothing happened. I left it at that, but last night I asked him via text if he slept with her and he said "don't think about it so hard, if I wanted to sleep with someone and you I wouldn't tell you about it" My reaction was anger, disgust, and just shock. He always said he would be up front with me and he was. Hearing this makes me feel dirty and hatred now towards him. I totally caught him in a lie and he turned it around and said f you to him. He turns it around and says "I'm so glad you finally decide to leave me alone" Please help me get past this. I need no contact. Should I change my number???
moo Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I'm so sorry that you are going through this. If you feel that you need to change your number to get through NC (as long as the phone number isn't really important for you, like you have that number on job applications you handed in, or something like that), then maybe you should change it. When my bf first left me I felt like my world had blown apart. Sometimes I still do, but therapy, getting involved with projects, if you are religious, praying, might all help and give comfort...and of course, being in the forums help too.
boogieboy Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Ill go another way for a change. I think you should keep answering when he calls/texts. You give him the third degree everytime, because regardless what he tells you, you cant accept anything he says. A hundred texts of "I'm so glad you finally decided to leave me alone" should sink in within the year, right? It may take a year to get over him, you'll be angry at him the whole time not to mention continuously devastated and miserable. \ But being weak and dealing with that is much better than trying to break your addiction to the breakup to do NC, isnt it?
Author yankees13 Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 kind of true, but boogieboy he changed his story after we broke up. The lies are starting to surface and when he is gambling with my health by sleeping with other people, I think I deserve to know. I would go a day with NC and he ALWAYS was the initiator so for him to say "I'm so glad you finally decided to leave me alone" is not right. He is the one texting me and contacting me first. Then he acts like I'm doing the contacting. He's out of his mind. Ill go another way for a change. I think you should keep answering when he calls/texts. You give him the third degree everytime, because regardless what he tells you, you cant accept anything he says. A hundred texts of "I'm so glad you finally decided to leave me alone" should sink in within the year, right? It may take a year to get over him, you'll be angry at him the whole time not to mention continuously devastated and miserable. \ But being weak and dealing with that is much better than trying to break your addiction to the breakup to do NC, isnt it?
boogieboy Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 kind of true, but boogieboy he changed his story after we broke up. The lies are starting to surface and when he is gambling with my health by sleeping with other people, I think I deserve to know. I would go a day with NC and he ALWAYS was the initiator so for him to say "I'm so glad you finally decided to leave me alone" is not right. He is the one texting me and contacting me first. Then he acts like I'm doing the contacting. He's out of his mind. Actually I was being facetious in my post. You didnt deserve to know unless you were able to catch it at the time. Now is too late. Nothing matters after the fact. What matters is what didnt you do for him to make him cheat on you. Maybe something, maybe nothing. You cant make people do anything, and you cant change what happened, so you shouldnt keep harping on it. People lie, people cheat, and people stay blind while it happens and dont read the signs. Like I said, he wouldnt be able to get to you if you didnt let him. Doesnt matter what he says, you shouldnt be answering him. I dont know what hes thinking by contacting you, but you shouldnt be letting him get to you. Thats what NC is for. Stop answering his calls and texts, and stop worrying about his intentions. You will get over him faster by changing your frame of mind to toal indifference, and that will only work if you dont let him get to you.
Author yankees13 Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 this is true. I just feel like everytime I get strong he decides to contact me, then I start from square one. I hate this process it's so hard to hearl after a broken heart, but I definitely need to change my frame of mind. Thanks for the straight talk. It definitely helps! Actually I was being facetious in my post. You didnt deserve to know unless you were able to catch it at the time. Now is too late. Nothing matters after the fact. What matters is what didnt you do for him to make him cheat on you. Maybe something, maybe nothing. You cant make people do anything, and you cant change what happened, so you shouldnt keep harping on it. People lie, people cheat, and people stay blind while it happens and dont read the signs. Like I said, he wouldnt be able to get to you if you didnt let him. Doesnt matter what he says, you shouldnt be answering him. I dont know what hes thinking by contacting you, but you shouldnt be letting him get to you. Thats what NC is for. Stop answering his calls and texts, and stop worrying about his intentions. You will get over him faster by changing your frame of mind to toal indifference, and that will only work if you dont let him get to you.
boogieboy Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 My ex finally gave up trying to hang me by a string after 4 months. Its hard to see her text and know shes tryin to manipulate me for her own ego, but eventually yours will stop. Its easy to ignore them after a while when you realize how much of a shyt they are. I realize now that unless my ex wants to try again, I dont even want to talk to her or see her. It does get easier after a while. Im gonna change my sig because of you to "straight talk only!" I like it...
Author yankees13 Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Haha nice! I really appreciate it though. I'm glad she gave up finally! I really don't think I could make it 4 months. Its been a week only and I have been an emotional wreck!!! He had some controlling tendencies as well. I just know the moment I get strong he will text or call me. I just have to remain strong which is easier said than done :-/ I admit I'm a dweller too, I keep asking myself if its something that I could have done or not have done as well. I feel almost psychotic with my emotions because they are so overwhelming right now. I thank you a lot though for helping me and other along the way!! My ex finally gave up trying to hang me by a string after 4 months. Its hard to see her text and know shes tryin to manipulate me for her own ego, but eventually yours will stop. Its easy to ignore them after a while when you realize how much of a shyt they are. I realize now that unless my ex wants to try again, I dont even want to talk to her or see her. It does get easier after a while. Im gonna change my sig because of you to "straight talk only!" I like it...
boogieboy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Haha nice! I really appreciate it though. I'm glad she gave up finally! I really don't think I could make it 4 months. Its been a week only and I have been an emotional wreck!!! He had some controlling tendencies as well. I just know the moment I get strong he will text or call me. I just have to remain strong which is easier said than done :-/ I admit I'm a dweller too, I keep asking myself if its something that I could have done or not have done as well. I feel almost psychotic with my emotions because they are so overwhelming right now. I thank you a lot though for helping me and other along the way!! Only a week eh? For you I think you should block his number. He will never want to get back with you, so you really should do that, and convince yourself that you DO NOT want to get back with him. Stay strong baby! Trust me, do this now, dont stretch out your torture Like I did. I didnt find this message board with the right answers until 2 months after my breakup. I kept hearing from people that never had the experience of an ego boost text that she still wanted me, and I sat with that for two months, when I should have cut her off. ugh.
Author yankees13 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 I'm going to have to block it, too bad I have it memorized. That sucks, someone would get an ego boost at other people's expense. People like that will get what is coming. I believe in karma. I actually watched "he's just not that into you" which reminds me a lot of your straightforward post. You are definitely an asset to this message board. I have a new outlook and I still do miss him, but if he wanted to be with me he would have found a way. Only a week eh? For you I think you should block his number. He will never want to get back with you, so you really should do that, and convince yourself that you DO NOT want to get back with him. Stay strong baby! Trust me, do this now, dont stretch out your torture Like I did. I didnt find this message board with the right answers until 2 months after my breakup. I kept hearing from people that never had the experience of an ego boost text that she still wanted me, and I sat with that for two months, when I should have cut her off. ugh.
Beeotch Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 ok so I have been trying to implement the no contact rule, but so far it hasn't been working. I get weak and when he text or calls I ask for more reason as to why he did this to me. He left me last weekend to raise two of his four children and is going back with his ex wife. During our relationship I believed he was an honest person and always trusted him, meanwhile he always thought I was cheating. So I know recently he went to visit his ex girlfriend (who has child number 4) and I was a little worried they would reunite and possible hook up and he reassured me nothing happened. I left it at that, but last night I asked him via text if he slept with her and he said "don't think about it so hard, if I wanted to sleep with someone and you I wouldn't tell you about it" My reaction was anger, disgust, and just shock. He always said he would be up front with me and he was. Hearing this makes me feel dirty and hatred now towards him. I totally caught him in a lie and he turned it around and said f you to him. He turns it around and says "I'm so glad you finally decide to leave me alone" Please help me get past this. I need no contact. Should I change my number??? If that's what it takes...then do it. Because this situation sounds out of hand. You guys are broken up...why are you asking him about who he is sleeping with and all this...that is none of your business. It is only going to end up being an argument and everything that just happened. If you are not strong enough to just ignore any contact then maybe you should change your number or block his calls. But you have to gain some strength because if you change your number and you are still weak..what is going to stop you from initiating contact since you know his number? You have to realize and resolve for yourself that talking to him, questioning him etc is just not helpful and a waste of time and blow to your pride and sanity...then you will be able to stop doing it.
Author yankees13 Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 That is true. He is still trying to sleep with me though which is the dirtbag part. I am pretty sure he is back with her, but she can deal with his crap. It has been two days with no contact and I'm feeling weak, but a hell of a lot better than I did last week. I realize I just miss who I thought he was. He had way too much baggage with kids in every state and exes throughout the country. I should have known, but I know now. You guys are awesome. Thanks :-)
Beeotch Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 That is true. He is still trying to sleep with me though which is the dirtbag part. I am pretty sure he is back with her, but she can deal with his crap. It has been two days with no contact and I'm feeling weak, but a hell of a lot better than I did last week. I realize I just miss who I thought he was. He had way too much baggage with kids in every state and exes throughout the country. I should have known, but I know now. You guys are awesome. Thanks :-) That's good! I used to still sleep with my ex when we initially broke up...but I have long stopped and if I knew then what I know now, wouldn't have done it. We take so much shyt from these people because we care and they abuse our care...but it is really great when you realize what they're doing and realize you're better and take a stand for yourself. The "pain" of NC is small....compared to the pain of allowing these ppl to use us or to treat us like shyt. Trust me. When I felt a weak moment...I told myself it would past...just ride out these feelings and don't act on them and truthfully, it did past and I felt better for holding out.
edward-e Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 im in the NC part too and its only been 2 weeks and i want to call her but im not going to. if u suspect the guy is cheating then why worry. if hes that much of a jerkoff then why would u want him back or wanna talk to him? hes not worth it if hes treating u that way. he wants to get a rise out of you. he wants u to get upset and long for him still. dont give him the satisfaction and just dont respond to him no matter what he says.
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