My ex dumped me twice, I am losing my mind and fighting myself :(

[gavinus]

I already have a previous post but missed some bits out: Briefly summed up, me and my ex went out for 3.6 years, she was diagnosed as hypo-manic/depressive. I supported her 110% in everything and was there unconditionally 24/7. She dumped me 5 months ago, we started dating again recently and 6 days before I went on holiday overseas she dumped me again (2 weeks before my birthday). She admitted the main reason she stayed with me was she did not want to be alone and she told me if she had the ideal position for her it would be to come and go from me as she pleases and it would not be me she missed but a man and she pretty much admitted using me over the last few years. She then thanked me for giving her my all and said she liked it that I had a big heart. Anyway I flew overseas, called her twice upset (we had planned on taking a holiday together overseas later in the year) and she asked me did I want a gift from her for my birthday, I said its up to her and if you send anything I will take that in the spirit of friendship and if not its ok. The final time we spoke she then got angry at me and told me to not contact her again, she cant help me and not contact her again, call someone else. 2 weeks later I arrive home (which was 6 days ago) and there are gifts from her on the doorstep, which are a $80 book, 70 cat photos in an album with notes written throughout and 2 cards, saying we will meet again, with love hearts, xoxoxo, and her calling me sweetie and saying she hoped I had a good birthday and I was ok etc.

I am driving myself crazy!! I cannot return the gifts as I said I would accept them in friendship. I want to thank her for sending them as my agenda is to leave the door open for her to come back(If I am totally honest) and I want to be polite. But I gave my word to not contact her again, but my fear is if I do not acknowledge them she will think what a rude person and she will never contact me again. Also if I thank her that then gives the message to her which says she has treated me ok, which she has not, she did not treat me well. My friends, family think she sent them to make herself feel better and to leave the door open for her if she is not happy in the future. I also have a rug of hers which I want to get rid of. Previous members have suggested NC or a polite reply. My friends have said I don't ow her anything at all and to think of myself. So far I have stayed NC, and I have not heard from her but I am fighting against myself. I make a decision and 5 hours later I change my mind. It has been 6 days since she gave me the gifts and 6 days of hell for me so what is the right thing to do for me to have closure so I can move on? if anyone has words that I can take to heart to help make a decision that would be great, I need sleep:

[Nedved]

Really sorry to hear your in so much pain. Its can't be easy especially when she slammed the door on you for good and dose'nt want to hear from you ever again. This is girl sounds very selfish and although you really want to thank her i think the best thing to do is leave it for now and d'ont even entertain the idea.

 

Take the presents and put them away and d'ont even look at them again. Its only going to prolong your suffering and its best to get it over with now. Your friends are right you d'ont owe her anything. What do you owe her for all the pain she's caused you? She's apologised for that right or wrong so the best thing to do is now disapear from her life. The presents are only material things and even if she stayed in contact with you its only going to lead to more hurt down the line. She'd prob hurt you a third time.

 

Your doing very well at NC. 6 days is excellent and changing your mind and thinking is all part of the process of getting over her. hang in there my friend. Your doing good. Your detoxing at the moment but the end is'nt to far away. It just takes time.

[gavinus]

thankyou Nedved it is her birthday in a month how can I accept a gift and not return one I feel terrible. any advice? I was thinking about returning everything with a note explaining why I can't accept her gifts. It was not fair of her to tell me never to contact her again and then send me gifts.

[gavinus]

An update I dropped the stuff off to her and gave her some money for the gifts she gave me as I wanted to be responsibility free. She then called me and got angry as she said I could have contacted her about the birthday presents and in fact could have called her anytime at all.She said if I was calling too much she would just not speak to me and I was the one who had all the rules about NC not her!! Then she said if I did not want to give her a birthday gift she would just keep the money I dropped off, I told her I did want to give her a gift but I thought she did not want to hear from me that's why I have not been in contact.