saira Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I have gone through majority posts to avoid starting a new thread on something similar but there isnt nothing adressing my issue 3 weeks ago I met a nice guy at a friends party and we hit it off from hello & he ended up taking my number & before I got home he texted to see if I got home safe which I felt was nice of him. Our first date was 14days from day one, our second date on the 16th day and our 'final' date on the 21st day all of which were great dates (may I mention that he turned late on all of them). It was all so good the times we spent and I gave him all the time and opportunity to chase and I let him ask me out on all 3 dates. Never at any time did I show desperation or neediness/ infact on the contrary I have busy weeks and so many activities on. On our 3rd date he said he loved me and that he had told his closest friends about me. Honestly this took me by suprise; definately made me uncomfortable but I never showed this. The date ended on a high and I went back home sure he was a nice genuine guy/ a guy that I could like more and more and perhaps love eventually. Thats was it guys! No calls No texts Nothing! From a guy that had proclaimed love & a guy who had never missed a day to contact me. Why would he all over sudden go cold? Its been over a week since our last 3rd date and I am not sure exactly whats happened? So I tried calling - missed call - I then texted if 'he was talking to me' and he come back with an sms ' I am sorry to make u feel the way u r feeling right now. I am going through a harsh personal set back and I wanted to tell u but I will deal with it and I'll be fine. Its nothing to do with you & I care about u & shall respect your wishes if u never want to speak to me ever agian' I texted back in the lines of 'am here to speak to and you can tell me anything. take care' No word from the man that supposedly loved me up to date. I have gone online on msn but he always goes offline immediately. On the day I met him he mentioned that he had gotten off a rlship and was deeply hurt by his partner. I told him that since it had only been less than 4 months since they broke up he should take all the time needed before jumping into a rlshp with anyone. Later on our 2nd date I repeated this and he asked me 'how long do you want me to grief'. Clearly I was of the impression he is over the ex and was ready to date!!! Honestly I have written him off? "When words and actions disagree, trust the actions" one post on here notes & "I will know whether a man is committed because he will make it known" - anything short of this really is unacceptable. Your advices will be greatly appreciated.
stepka Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Yikes, the only thing I can think of is that he got back w/ his ex. That's a big suspect that he told you he loves you on the 3rd date though--probably a big sign that he wasn't over his ex and needed to be in love.
Thaddeus Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Sounds like he's got a case of the heebie-jeebies, which probably stems from this:On our 3rd date he said he loved me and that he had told his closest friends about me. Honestly this took me by suprise; definately made me uncomfortable but I never showed this.You may think that you didn't show that you were uncomfortable, but I have no doubt whatsoever that he sensed it. Whether it was a good idea or not to say "I love you" right off the bat isn't really the issue, since he said it and that's that. (Personally, I think it's WAAAAYYYY too soon for that, but hey, if he was being authentic and true to his feelings he should be respected for that, right?) He probably felt ready for a relationship when he started dating you, but once he got involved he realized that he wasn't actually in good enough emotional shape to make a commitment. (Remember, feelings lie. All the time.) Best I can suggest at this point: You've already made it clear that you're open to talking with him about it. The ball is in his court now. I wouldn't wait, though.
Bayern Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 As Thaddeus mentions you might have shown him you weren't ready for the "I love you". I'm reminded of a Seinfeld episode when George says I love you to a women and when she returns with "I'm hungry" figures the relationship is doomed even though he really likes her.
Art_Critic Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Straight Up... He told you he loved you on the third date because he wanted you to sleep with him and he felt that if he lowered your defense by telling you those 3 words you would be in the bag.. You weren't.. it freaked you and he left because it didn't go as planned. Next...
westernxer Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Uh this guys sounds weird. Straight Up... He told you he loved you on the third date because he wanted you to sleep with him and he felt that if he lowered your defense by telling you those 3 words you would be in the bag.. You weren't.. it freaked you and he left because it didn't go as planned. Next... Yup... let him go and move on. Be grateful it was only three dates without giving too much of yourself, otherwise you'd really be hurting.
Author saira Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 You guys are right, when a man shows who he is - believe him. And since he has showed me loud and clear that am not a priority in his life then this really says a lot about the individual he is. I gave it a good pace and it didnt work and I kept my cool and left the scene in a smooth manner. I feel that this has indead given me lots of confidence & peace of mind that am in control of my love life, instead of being at mercy of my emotions, insecurities and god knows what else. Relationships should be drama free and I as a woman am able to tell whether the guy am dating is the right one or not. Clearly he wasnt! When amongst people I have been fine, chatty and all happy though when I get home and am by myself I get on lows but know this is momental. I will spring back soon! I will be fine
Author saira Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 update! He really is going a traumatic time guy and his friend's told me this but said I dont tell anyone the details. I feel like a compromise but am standing firm on my word not to go back.. He made me cry and no one should ever make one cry as such. He also texted me 'Hi' To which I replied 'Hi.. would you like to talk?' His reply 'thanks, but no' I replied 'am here whenever your ready to talk' No replies. He really is going a rough patch guys and it has nothing to do with his ex. Am confused.
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