dxb Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 As has been documented elsewhere on this forum, last week I split up with my girlfriend of the past two years because she cheated on me. So far I haven't been doing particularly well but have been strong enough to prevent myself from trying to take her back. Last night, I went to a party. I got exceptionally drunk. I ended up pulling a former colleague of mine (she works for a different company now and we rarely see each other but at the odd party since we've got a linked circle of friends). And yes, I went home with her. And yes, I did a few things, although we actually stopped short of full sex, partly because none of us had condoms on us (see, I wasn't planning for this to happen), partly because I was so drunk it would have probably been mechanically impossible. And also because I had a residual twinge of guilt, both for this girl I'd gone home with, and my ex. Anyway, we did chat as well, and I explained that I'd recently split up with my girlfriend, although I didn't tell her just how recently. And it turns out she had recently split up with her boyfriend too. And in the end, we just lay there holding each other and to be honest I was grateful we did that rather than have sex. Now, I don't need any psychoanalysis here. It's obvious that it's not necessarily the sex I miss, it's the closeness you get in a relationship, and this girl filled that need for a bit. She doesn't mean anything to me other than she's someone I get on with and I certainly don't think of her in 'that' way. What I'm looking for are opinions on whether what I did was smart, stupid or doesn't have any meaning. Before my last girlfriend, sexually I was very insecure and I'm what you'd call a late bloomer. Now I'm not and I now feel that I can get a new girlfriend (when I'm ready) and that I'm sexually attractive because of what happened last night. I think this will help me move on. I've finally broken out of my life-long routine of the pity party following a break-up. I've got somewhere. On the other hand, I'm fully aware that part of what I was doing was motivated by 'revenge' and to be honest I feel pretty ****ty that I've used this new girl like that. I'm also worried I've just made things irredeemably awkward. I've no interest in pursuing a relationship with her or even repeating this encounter. What are your thoughts?
Giha Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I would talk to her and apologize to her about what happened. It wasn't too smart to get drunk like that and almost end up having sex with her, but it seems you learned about yourself a bit after last night and it helped you to move on, so good for you
evaG Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Well, chances are, her hooking up with you was for the same reasons. She probably missed the same closeness that comes with a relationship as you. You were each other's rebounds. You both consented. There's nothing to apologize for.
citizen67 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 you did nothing wrong, but you should speak to this girl. Tell her it was nice to hang out with her. Maybe mention something about how you both are on the rebound right now, so she gets the hint that you arent going to be pursuing it
Lucky_One Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I like citizen's idea. Being up front and telling her that you just aren't ready for a relationship of any kind and that you still think she is a great girl will keep things from being awkward. I suspect she misses being held, too, and it probably was as therapeutic for her as it was for you. And you know, it might not be a bad idea to give her a call every now and then for dinner or just a movie or something. It's nice to have a friend who understands what you are going through. (Just watch the drinking, though!)
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