cuecue Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Sorry in advance if this gets long. Anyways a few days ago my girlfriend who I have been going out with for about a year and a half told me she wanted to take a break. She told me that it was her not me and that she needs some space and that she really needs me to be her friend. At first I was speechless but she said that she needs me to understand so i told her that I would be her friend and that I want her to be happy. She wants to take a break and not be in a relationship for around a year until she is out of school. She really made it clear she loved me and wanted to be with me. Later that night at around 11 or so, she called me and she was crying and she was asking how i was doing and if i hated her for her doing this to me. She told me that she needs me to understand what she is going through and that she really just needs a friend right now. She also kept on saying for me to not think that i have lost her and that i haven't lost her also she was saying that she loves me so much and that i am her one and only true love. She also said that she won't even date any other guys and that we will be together eventually. She said also that things have been going to fast, that she feels that we are practically married and that she doesn't want to feel trapped. We talked for a good half an hour or so and it made me feel a lot better for her to say that she still wants to be with me and that she really does love me still. She said to call her everyday and to never stop calling her and that we will see each other a lot if we have to. But a few days later and i am already starting to get worried because usually when a girl says that they want to take a break it is because they want to slowly break up... this really hurts to think that and reading stuff on the net of everyone saying that when a girl says she wants to take a break and be friends that's their way of breaking up while being nice about it. I read a lot that people say you should cut off contact with the girl to get them to miss you but i don't know if that would work in my situation since she told me to never stop keeping contact with her and i dont want her to think I am mad at her because i said i would keep in contact with her. She texts me and calls me a lot still so i don't know if i should try and ignore it or what. I am afraid that in a year (which is a long time to wait).. that things will change that she would find someone else or that she would just see me as a friend. I honestly don't know what to think cause she kept telling me to always remember i haven't lost her, that she loves me, and that we will eventually be together. But a few days later and i am already starting to get worried I don't fully understand why she wants take a break but I am trying to respect her decision and I want her to be happy. Could i get some advice on what i should do in this situation?
coolabah Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 You aren't going to like hearing this, but the truth is she wants to break up, but doesn't know how to do it. She doesn't want to feel responsible for your feelings.There's no such thing as a year-long "break" for goodness' sake! She's trying to have her cake and eat it too. You've got to suck it in and take the high ground here. It's not going to be easy, but don't let yourself be manipulated - girls are good at that (trust me, I'm guilty of this in the past).
Giha Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I know you love her and all, but she's got some nerve asking you to hold for a goddamn year. I would just NC her until she comes to her senses. And if she doesn't, then it just shows she really did wanna break up. Don't let her make you her puppet.
Exit Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 "Understanding" is a two way street. She puts the guilt on you by saying you will be considerate of how she feels and wait for a year, but you can turn that right back around and say "if you loved me, you would never ask me to wait that long". Ask her if you are free to date other girls and see how she feels about it then. If she agrees, then she has a true understanding of what a break means. If she gets mad, then she IS guilty of "wanting her cake and eating it too". You have no responsibility to remain exclusive to her if she wants space from you. Don't let her play mind games by convincing you that you're waiting for each other. This wasn't your idea. I know it's not easy, it's tempting to give in, it's tempting to believe what she's saying is true. But you need to get this image of your loving caring girlfriend out of your mind and realize that there may be more under the surface here. Just depends on how you look at it. Some people would say true love would wait for a year. Other people would say true love would never ask someone to wait. Really when you think about it, why would you ever want a break from someone you love? Whatever this "situation" she's asking you to understand, being stressed with school or whatever, wouldn't having a loved one close by make it all better? What she's asking for doesn't make sense. Don't fall for her sweet talking, there is probably a bigger issue here.
adamt Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Usualy when a girl asks for a break its only a matter of time before she splits with you. a break for a year is a joke
wow123 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 A year!? Selfish! She has the audacity to expect that you will still be waiting around a year from now if she chooses to go back into a relationship with you. I assume she thinks very highly of herself? Wow!
boogieboy Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 She wants you to "be her friend right now" because it eases her guilt, but its no easier on you. Cut her off so she can miss you and realize if she really wants to be with you. Do NOT talk to her until she comes to her senses. Dont let her manipulate you. Tell her its too hard for you to talk to her right now and that you cannot hear from her until she changes her mind. Thats the only way to go. Keep in mind she probably wont change her mind. Her saying she wants to continue in a year is guaranteeing that she will never have those feelings for you again and she knows it. She didnt even have the guts to tell you whatever the real reason is that she broke up with you. When she says she loves you it means shes not in love with you anymore, so anything she says is useless. Dont listen to anything she says. If she really wanted to be with you, she wouldnt want to break up.
northstar1 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Sorry in advance if this gets long. Anyways a few days ago my girlfriend who I have been going out with for about a year and a half told me she wanted to take a break. She told me that it was her not me and that she needs some space and that she really needs me to be her friend. At first I was speechless but she said that she needs me to understand so i told her that I would be her friend and that I want her to be happy. She wants to take a break and not be in a relationship for around a year until she is out of school. She really made it clear she loved me and wanted to be with me. Later that night at around 11 or so, she called me and she was crying and she was asking how i was doing and if i hated her for her doing this to me. She told me that she needs me to understand what she is going through and that she really just needs a friend right now. She also kept on saying for me to not think that i have lost her and that i haven't lost her also she was saying that she loves me so much and that i am her one and only true love. She also said that she won't even date any other guys and that we will be together eventually. She said also that things have been going to fast, that she feels that we are practically married and that she doesn't want to feel trapped. We talked for a good half an hour or so and it made me feel a lot better for her to say that she still wants to be with me and that she really does love me still. She said to call her everyday and to never stop calling her and that we will see each other a lot if we have to. But a few days later and i am already starting to get worried because usually when a girl says that they want to take a break it is because they want to slowly break up... this really hurts to think that and reading stuff on the net of everyone saying that when a girl says she wants to take a break and be friends that's their way of breaking up while being nice about it. I read a lot that people say you should cut off contact with the girl to get them to miss you but i don't know if that would work in my situation since she told me to never stop keeping contact with her and i dont want her to think I am mad at her because i said i would keep in contact with her. She texts me and calls me a lot still so i don't know if i should try and ignore it or what. I am afraid that in a year (which is a long time to wait).. that things will change that she would find someone else or that she would just see me as a friend. I honestly don't know what to think cause she kept telling me to always remember i haven't lost her, that she loves me, and that we will eventually be together. But a few days later and i am already starting to get worried I don't fully understand why she wants take a break but I am trying to respect her decision and I want her to be happy. Could i get some advice on what i should do in this situation? Thats rough mate, i feel for you. Let me see if I can translate: She doesn't know what she wants, but right now it isn't you. So, she wants you to stay in a holding pattern for a year while she explores what she wants. She doesn't want to fully let go of the branch until she has another to jump to. So, she wants you to still be on the backburner. If you stick around in her life, she'll likely find someone else, and it may or may not work. If it doesn't she may put you back on the front burner. Either way, it's selfish and you should tell her to enjoy her break and you are long gone. You deserve better.
boogieboy Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 She doesn't want to fully let go of the branch until she has another to jump to. So, she wants you to still be on the backburner. If you stick around in her life, she'll likely find someone else, and it may or may not work. Either way, it's selfish and you should tell her to enjoy her break and you are long gone. You deserve better . I had to emphasize this. Make her let go of you, dont let her hang onto you until she finds someone else. Dont let her feel good that you are still in her life, that will put you in the friend zone...and torture your mind. Tell her to enjoy her break without you....seriously.
society Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Ah, the infamous "break". This is never a good thing. She probably has interest in another man and wants to try him out while keeping you on a long leash. Step 1: Agree with the breakup. You need to act fast to save this relationship, more good advice in my signature.
heatherb16 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I was in the same position as you. I was confused as heck, as well. I didn't get it. I still don't get it. My boyfriend had told me that we would be back together, which happened. He also told me that the break is for him to realize that he wants to be with me forever. He said he didn't want to be tied down. Stupid reasons. I believed it. The whole break, which lasted 2 months, we kissed and acted just like we were together, but without officially being together. DON'T let this happen. DON'T let her take advantage and think that she can get you without being committed. It's not okay. In my opinion, breaks don't do anything. I feel like I was crazy then. Did I really think that 2 months gave him the time that he needed? No way. I remember back to the day that we got back together. We were kinda fooling around so I told him to stop because we weren't even dating. A little after that he asked me back out. Huh. Weird, right? I think he jumped into it too fast. He got excited. Don't let her do this to you. This break thing is crazy to me. It doesn't make any sense. I will probably never understand it. It didn't work for me. It didn't work for us. If your girlfriend can't commit now, then how is she supposed to commit, later? My ex couldn't last more then 6 months in a relationship with me. We dated 6 months, had a break, then dated 6 more. Just a little weird to me. I also think the commitment thing might have to do with their parents. My ex's parents are divorced which affects the children. I think that may have something to do with it, too. But really, the decision is yours. If you want to be played around with and taken advantage of, then that's your choice, but it really ends up affecting you, later. I know that when I got a kiss from him, I was SO happy, but at the end of the day, you feel used, and taken advantage of.
thebigrabbit14 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 mine had said the same thing ****ing bitch they must be some guide there reading online and there all saying the same thing. except i was chasing mine for about a month and just now have i stopped texting or calling her and she messaged me on facebook saying her phone is broken and wants to hang out next week, the break and bs stuff i ****ing hate when they say that. mine also said i dont want to date anybody else until i go to college next year. ****ing bull****
thebigrabbit14 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I was in the same position as you. I was confused as heck, as well. I didn't get it. I still don't get it. My boyfriend had told me that we would be back together, which happened. He also told me that the break is for him to realize that he wants to be with me forever. He said he didn't want to be tied down. Stupid reasons. I believed it. The whole break, which lasted 2 months, we kissed and acted just like we were together, but without officially being together. DON'T let this happen. DON'T let her take advantage and think that she can get you without being committed. It's not okay. In my opinion, breaks don't do anything. I feel like I was crazy then. Did I really think that 2 months gave him the time that he needed? No way. I remember back to the day that we got back together. We were kinda fooling around so I told him to stop because we weren't even dating. A little after that he asked me back out. Huh. Weird, right? I think he jumped into it too fast. He got excited. Don't let her do this to you. This break thing is crazy to me. It doesn't make any sense. I will probably never understand it. It didn't work for me. It didn't work for us. If your girlfriend can't commit now, then how is she supposed to commit, later? My ex couldn't last more then 6 months in a relationship with me. We dated 6 months, had a break, then dated 6 more. Just a little weird to me. I also think the commitment thing might have to do with their parents. My ex's parents are divorced which affects the children. I think that may have something to do with it, too. But really, the decision is yours. If you want to be played around with and taken advantage of, then that's your choice, but it really ends up affecting you, later. I know that when I got a kiss from him, I was SO happy, but at the end of the day, you feel used, and taken advantage of. yea the parents thing too, my xgf which if u read my last post about how similiar it was has divorced parents pretty much but they live together. they dont talk to each other nor do they sleep in the same room so something with the parents must affect these types of girls and guys
Thaddeus Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 The Urban Dictionary defines "take a break" as: This relationship is over. I will tell you "let's take a break" because it seems like there is a chance that everything will work out, but I don't want to be with you, so that won't happen. This is often used in conjunction with several lies to make the other person "feel better" about the situation And that pretty much nails it.
Hannah86 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Read my post, "i cannot tell what he is thinking." You will see that I did almost the exact same thing--I broke up with my guy, felt good about it, then immediately missed him and said that I wanted to keep in touch. Well, he wasn't there. I immediately missed him since he ignored me. She is taking you for granted. If you want her back, do not call her everyday. Cut off contact for two weeks. If she instant messages you or calls you, do not answer it. Be mean about it. Do not look at her. Then, after she has texted and called you a million times, slowly get back together if it's what you want. You both need to figure out what you want.
NopeNah Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 The Urban Dictionary defines "take a break" as: And that pretty much nails it. Haha! That's hillarious!
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