fabulous_chk Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I need tips on dating. I've been seeing people and not liking them until this guy came along. He is not the usual type I go for but I'm crazy over him. Told him I like him, I cannot get him off my mind, and that I wanna kiss him all over. We already had sex. It was hot. The chemistry is there. But last week he didn't make any effort to see me. A couple of texts here and there. He's driving me nuts. Can I still salvage this situation? For him the thrill of the chase is gone. But he contacts me and says he wants to see me.
kizik Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 We already had sex. last week he didn't make any effort to see me. Do I need to connect the dots?
WhyYesThankYou Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Can I still salvage this situation? I'm inclined to say the best "salvage" for this situation is to learn from it and apply the lessons learned to future encounters. No hope for you with this guy, though. He's already picked up his burger and exited the drive-thru.
boogieboy Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 All I can say is call him to try and get together a couple times, but its possible he got what he wanted out of you. So you might have lost this one.
Author fabulous_chk Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 If he's still in contact, is there a way to reignite his interest? I'm trying not to reply to his texts.
CD111 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Well he is either still interested or he wants a booty call. I would probably guess option 2. I guess there still is hope, but you need to find out what his motives are.
dreamergrl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 My guess is he just wants a good time. It sucks, I know! But if he's pulling back after sex... it points to him just wanting a booty call. If you're going to salvage it... I would suggest doing some sort of activity far far away from the bedroom.
D-Lish Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 We already had sex. It was hot. The chemistry is there. You can have chemistry with your vibrator too. It doesn't mean everything else will fall into place as easily. But last week he didn't make any effort to see me. A couple of texts here and there. He's driving me nuts. So, you had sex and he doesn't call or make an effort. It means he was just looking for sex, and he's leaving his option open in case he wants it again. Can I still salvage this situation? For him the thrill of the chase is gone. But he contacts me and says he wants to see me. He's sent you two texts in a week! I'm more concerned about why YOU want to salvage anything with HIM? What makes a guy that tosses you aside after sex so worthy of your affection?
Bayern Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I say give it a little more time. Don't get your hopes up and if it continues, drop it.
fallendisguise Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I say give it a little more time. Don't get your hopes up and if it continues, drop it. I agree. Give it some more time. Perhaps next time you get together withold having sex and let him get to know you and have fun with you. I don't necessarily agree that having sex too soon can kill a relationship, but it depends on the person and what they are looking for. If that is all he wants then yes you are most likely just going to be a booty call, but if he wants more than maybe you should slow things down a bit and get to know each other. I do have to ask the same question as a previous poster, do you really want to continue with a guy who isn't making the effort? You deserve more than that!
dreamergrl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I agree. Give it some more time. Perhaps next time you get together withold having sex and let him get to know you and have fun with you. I don't necessarily agree that having sex too soon can kill a relationship, but it depends on the person and what they are looking for. If that is all he wants then yes you are most likely just going to be a booty call, but if he wants more than maybe you should slow things down a bit and get to know each other. I do have to ask the same question as a previous poster, do you really want to continue with a guy who isn't making the effort? You deserve more than that! I 100% agree with this. Sex too soon isn't always a signal that it's going to go bad, but the actions that follow. The thing about having sex early on is you are then forced to find out if it was just about the sex, or if there's something more. Actions will say a lot.
fallendisguise Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I 100% agree with this. Sex too soon isn't always a signal that it's going to go bad, but the actions that follow. The thing about having sex early on is you are then forced to find out if it was just about the sex, or if there's something more. Actions will say a lot. Yes, actions do say a lot! So if he continues to not make much of an effort, I say cut him loose and find someone who will. Just because he's the first guy to come along in a long while that gives you butterflies, doesn't mean that someone else won't.
D-Lish Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Having sex too soon isn't always an indicator of success or failure. BUT... One person pulling away and being distant after usually DOES indicate a no go.
Author fabulous_chk Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 He's sent you two texts in a week! I'm more concerned about why YOU want to salvage anything with HIM? What makes a guy that tosses you aside after sex so worthy of your affection? Not 2 texts it was a lot of texts initiated by him two times. He hasn't tossed me aside, we are still in communication and he says he wants to see me but he is lacking in action. I am a very impatient girl ugh! He owns a bar and is very busy. He invited me to come over there many times but I get shy. I want to see him alone. It is very rare that I get so excited over a guy and I'm willing to build this tenous connection if possible.
Author fabulous_chk Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 I agree. Give it some more time. Perhaps next time you get together withold having sex and let him get to know you and have fun with you. I don't necessarily agree that having sex too soon can kill a relationship, but it depends on the person and what they are looking for. If that is all he wants then yes you are most likely just going to be a booty call, but if he wants more than maybe you should slow things down a bit and get to know each other. I do have to ask the same question as a previous poster, do you really want to continue with a guy who isn't making the effort? You deserve more than that! Well i have a lot of boys pursuing me but they are boring. This one makes me wanna chain him to me. LOL! I am bored I guess, nothing better to do. He is a challenge to me. I want him so baaaad!
Author fabulous_chk Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Having sex too soon isn't always an indicator of success or failure. BUT... One person pulling away and being distant after usually DOES indicate a no go. Aaaw....I guess I should give up now. Damn it. But he promises to see me again.
dreamergrl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Well i have a lot of boys pursuing me but they are boring. This one makes me wanna chain him to me. LOL! I am bored I guess, nothing better to do. He is a challenge to me. I want him so baaaad! You are attracted to him because he is pulling away. Most likely not for who he is, but for what action he's taking. We generally want what we cannot have. Look past that, and you will realize he's not worth it.
broken umbrella Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Not 2 texts it was a lot of texts initiated by him two times. He hasn't tossed me aside, we are still in communication and he says he wants to see me but he is lacking in action. I am a very impatient girl ugh! He owns a bar and is very busy. He invited me to come over there many times but I get shy. I want to see him alone. So he has invited you to hang out "many times" and you decline? If you are really interested you should go. Not all time spent together needs to be one on one. Especially if you are concerned that he may only be interested in sex. You would get to see him interact with other people and get a better glimps at his true life. If he works a lot then going there will only let you learn more about who he is and what you could expect from dating him. Maybe you would hate dating a bar owner, maybe you would love it. Better to investigate what that is all about now. You are attracted to him because he is pulling away. Most likely not for who he is, but for what action he's taking. We generally want what we cannot have. Look past that, and you will realize he's not worth it. He's not worth it because? I'm sorry but he has asked her to come and see him, she is the one refusing. Perhaps he needs some action from her to show that she is interested in more than sex. She is the one holding out until they can be alone. I think the OP needs to step past her shyness and go and see the guy who stands out abive the rest. Not all guys are scum. And not every situation should be tagged with the typical "Loveshack" dump him, he just wants to screw you bull.
dreamergrl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 So he has invited you to hang out "many times" and you decline? If you are really interested you should go. Not all time spent together needs to be one on one. Especially if you are concerned that he may only be interested in sex. You would get to see him interact with other people and get a better glimps at his true life. If he works a lot then going there will only let you learn more about who he is and what you could expect from dating him. Maybe you would hate dating a bar owner, maybe you would love it. Better to investigate what that is all about now. Why would someone just want to be an after bar fling? Regardless if he owns a bar.. if he wants to see her with more of an interest then a booty call, he can make time. Who wants to be a last call? He's not worth it because? I'm sorry but he has asked her to come and see him, she is the one refusing. Perhaps he needs some action from her to show that she is interested in more than sex. She is the one holding out until they can be alone. I think the OP needs to step past her shyness and go and see the guy who stands out abive the rest. Not all guys are scum. And not every situation should be tagged with the typical "Loveshack" dump him, he just wants to screw you bull. And she didn't step outside of her 'shyness' by sleeping with him? Your logical makes no sense. If he wanted to see her, and was romantically interested in her, he could make the time. He's pulling back. It's obvious. A guy who is interested in a girl will make more time then 'come see me after last call'.
Author fabulous_chk Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 You guys are right. I will stop hoping and ease off on the texting and completely delete myself from his life. If he wants to pursue me he's got my number. Ah well, one lesson learned the hard way. Plus he's Punjabi he's probably engaged to marry since birth or something like that. He is *love* he could have rocked my world. Oh well. Bye my wonderful one time lover.
Adunaphel Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I agree with broken umbrella that it might be worth it to try and hang out with him. You have nothing to lose.
13arkansas Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I think this guy was a player and just after sex, so even if you made him wait 10 dates before sex, he'd simply disappear after date 10 instead of date 1 (or whatever it was). It always surprises me that the girl blames herself for giving it up too early. We are all adults and 2 people enjoying eachother physically is a beautiful thing, and that can happen quick or slow - either is fine, it just depends on what is right for the couple - but the KEY is that both are open to a R, but when the guy is ONLY wanting sex, then that is all he ever will be into, and no amount of behavior change on your part is gonna change that. Even if you are a doctorate holding wealthy supermodel with a love of sport and almost virginal credentials he will not want a R with you(-; He is just wanting to play around! Do not take it personally as if you did something bad. I liked another posters burger metaphor....if you want a R its a fillet steak, and if he wants just sex, he'll be forever dissing your fillet steak for a crappy Sonic burger (-;
Author fabulous_chk Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 Just an update: I missed him so much that I texted him while I was at nyc and him boston. I said: "Are you having fun gorgeous?" He said "It's ok......I wanna see you babe." I told him I wanna see him too. All Sunday he kept texting me. He was at work and I'm too embarassed to drop by because we had sex over there. We just know for now that we are seeing each other before he goes to new orleans on thursday. I'm not giving him up yet. He rocks my world whenever we are together. I like sleeping and laying on my bed because I want to dream of him.
Author fabulous_chk Posted July 16, 2009 Author Posted July 16, 2009 Hah, so I met up with him again, I was a mess....so severely drunk I thought I ruined all the chances of seeing him again. Anyways I apologized to him the day after and kind of hinted goodbye. He said, "You are not going to disappear, are you?" I said "For awhile, I'm gonna stop partying and focus on school and work." He said, "We don't have to party." So anyways things are still looking up. I have a chance to change my behavior and present myself as the good girl I am, the good girl I used to be until my ex-bf of 4 years cheated on me and dumped me. Wow, I feel happy. He is my (male) muse, my inspiration.:love:
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