SRTtoZ Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Ok well I have a post on here from yesterday about my GF situation (or ex)...to make it short, she broke up with me after 5+ months of dating because I was exhausting, causing fights etc blah blah...Shes right. This is a repeating behavior of mine. Every relationshop where ive been BROKEN UP WITH, has ended like this...because of this. And I think I finally figured out why... When I get into a relationship (when im single), I am a gym rat...always at the gym, getting fit, going out...hanging with friends, VERY Confident...Very Unique. Girls love this...I mean ive had my fair share of GF's, all shapes and sizes...I think im a very attractive guy (yet I am short lol). Anyway I fall into the same trend...I am fit, confident, active and unique...and then when I actualy get into the relationship all of that stops. I DROP IT because I "dedicate my time to her"...which sounds good on paper, but now that I think of it, its horrible...HORRIBLE. Everything that they fall for, dissapears in a month/months. I start eating horribly, dont go to the gym...dont see friends...Just spend time with her and work. I give up my life entirely for girls so that I can show them how much I care about them...but now im thinking thats what girls DONT WANT. Part of them wants you to be there whenever they want you...but anoher part of them wants you to be SUPER independent and mysterious. The last month of our relationship I said to myself...this ****s over and im getting back on track and I hit the gym HARD...and starting losing weight, but still wasnt happy on where I was (man BOOBS!!! WTF). So we still fought because of my BLAND-NESS and low self confidence...I was completely different than the person she met, MINUS my sense of humor and all that stuff. Im stopping this trend now...I'm never going to let myself get back to the point where im 30-40lbs overweight. When I met her I was 165 lbs, muscular...lean-ish. A few months into our relationship I was about 190, and quite disgusted with myself...Never happy outside when im with her. Never wanted to go out, etc etc. I mean I DID go out with her to bars and stuff, meet her friends...but it wasnt enough. I wasnt the confident guy I am when im single...Im way over confident when im single and have reasons to be. (NOT COCKY! I swear). Anyway So yea I think i pinpointed my issue and if I work on this, I think whatever comes next is going to be awesome and simply amazing. Whether its with this girl again, or with someone else... I was just looking at a female perspective to see if this kind of thing is true... I think everything that went wrong in our releationship started with my Confidence...or lackthereof. Im NEVER jealous in everyday life...Minimally..but when I start my bad habits I lose my confidence and then think Why would she be happy with THIS when she can have just about anyone!...Shes a very attractive, high confident independent girl. (which is my type when I date...I'm not into the clingy type, yet thats what I turn into!!!!). Ugh! If only I could have "figured" this out earlire in my life...im 25 and getting old. Anyway yea...im done.
Ronni_W Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Holy SH#$!!! I ALSO think you figured it out!! :bunny: Good work!!! I DROP IT because I "dedicate my time to her"...which sounds good on paper, but now that I think of it, its horrible...HORRIBLE. It doesn't even sound good on paper, to be honest. I was just talking with my bro-in-law about this -- once we (men AND women) get into a relationship, we unilaterally make up our minds about a whole bunch of stuff ...and then we can't figure out why the relationship goes south in such a hurry Excellent insights on your part...put a big 'sticky' on all mirrors, desktops, the fridge, etc. Don't forget what you've learned about yourself! Wishing you many LONG and HAPPY relationships.
Exit Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Congrats brother, you have been doing some serious thinking, I have come to many of these same conclusions. I am the exact same way. I KNOW what attracted my GF to me in the first place. I was in shape, I had interesting hobbies, I was funny and clever and happy. And just like you, once I have a GF, I drop my hobbies, I stopped working out so I could see her after work, stopped working on my car and going to car shows, stopped playing guitar, stopped going interesting places with my friends, what the heck is there to be attracted to?? It does feel good to realize all of this. And either I will get the chance to discuss this with my ex, or I will make sure I don't do these things with the next girl.
GorillaTheater Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Ugh! If only I could have "figured" this out earlire in my life...im 25 and getting old. C'mon man, you DID figure it out while you're young. Good job.
Author SRTtoZ Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Ha Gorilla...ok ok you got me there...I also look 20 and get carded wayyyy to frequently. I'm in no rush to get married but I should have a steady GF by now...being that I havent known (up to this point) how to act in a relationship. You konw?? Was it just a coincidence that everytime I ever had a GF I was in shape, interseting hobbies, good looking, independent, active etc?? I Never once had a girl fall for me when I was otherwise...NEVER. And then when I get heartbroken, I start the trend all over again...Work out, keep busy, go out etc. My IQ should be like 77...forest gump style. I Feel so dumb. and Exit: "working on my car and going to car shows"...Same here. Im a huge car guy...I own a modded 2007 350z, and before that a HEAVILY modded SRT-4. She begged and pleaded to meet my friends and hang out with them etc...and I always put it off and acted like I'll make her happy by just being with her all the time. I should be shot...with one of them police beanbag guns.
broken_promises Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Ditto, ditto, ditto! I think that a LOT of people (men AND women) end up doing this and it is exactly what destroys a relationship. This is my story EXACTLY in all of my relationships. When I am single, I am active, confident, in shape, exciting, mysterious, intense, flirtatious. As soon as I get into a serious relationship, I just want to be around the other person and let everything go that is critical to my own self-worth. I stop working out in favor of sex and pancakes and movies and hanging out. I become dependent on the other person for attention and time. I lose all my self-confidence and base my self-worth on being with the other person. The only thing I hate is that I *KNOW* from my past two relationships that I lose myself and gain weight and stop being me in them... and yet I *still* could not stop myself from doing the same things in this one. I finally decided that I have to work on this on a deeper level in therapy because I don't want to keep this pattern going for the rest of my life. Thanks for the post... it's so nice to know that we are all not alone in this same infuriating pattern of losing oneself to a relationship.
Author SRTtoZ Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Awesome! I Mean not awesome...because we are single lol but I mean that this is a common thing. Its very hard to control your eating habits when you're happy, and when you get in a relationship with a girl you adore/like/LOVE, its easy to let yourself go...And its not like it would even be hard for me to EAT good when I was with this girl...because we only saw eachother on the weekend...and during the week I could eat healthy and maybe splurge a little on the weekend. I think my biggest breakthrough is knowing I can finally do it...because I did it the last month we were together (and happy)...I dieted REALLY good and hit the gym up a lot. Im so happy and confident when I look good and work out...Instead of getting winded playing game of frisbee! I think the biggest thing is I was happy doing this because she looked at me differently...When she first met me she was damn pleased with the way I looked...and let me tell you, I was the same...she is HOT. Before we met I told her I hated smokers and our first few dates I never even noticed she smoked...then when I stayed over her house for the first time she told me she snuck out in the morning and smoked a cig...which is fine, she did it before we met. Then a few days later she stopped cold turkey...Man thats dediciation if ive ever seen it. Its hard enough to stop smoking, and she stopped on a DIME for me...(although it should be for herself too). And How do I repay her? 30 lbs added to my BOD! Lovely! Moral of my story: I gotta stop worrying about my GF and worry more about ME and what I need. It doesnt mean I have to stop caring or not be there for her! It just means we have to have 1) Our life together and 2) Our life outside eachother.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I'm gonna get shot, bashed, yelled at, targeted, pitch forked, lit on fire, etc., for saying this, but that's why I'm glad my metabolism is the way it is. I can't gain weight. So I look as good as I do before the relationship, through the whole relationship. *holds up massive shield*
Author SRTtoZ Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 LOL! I HATE YOU. jk. On a serious note though...I think anyones metabolism would gain weight with the way I ate. No joke. My diet switched from whole wheat breads, lots of chicken, rice, low carbs to...Mcdonalds 3x a week, Restaurant EVERY Fri/Saturday (and no, i didnt get a salad), Subway, Quiznos, Chicken parm...etc. I love food, I admit...but I have good willpower when it comes to losing weight and keeping it off. Oh and it didnt help that I played World of Warcraft with my best friend and when we played at his house we would almost religiously lighten the mood with a little Wendy's, Mcdonalds or Taco bell.
broken_promises Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Yes, ThomasX... that is like a couple of my exes... and yes, it makes losing yourself, your body, your confidence that much more painful when your ex can just go right out and start dating and you have to get your ass in gear and get back to who you were before you met your ex. Did you want to maybe give me a paper cut and pour some lemon juice on it for good measure too?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 God, all that food sounds good... I'm cooking sweet n sour chicken right now..
Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Very interesting thread, we share similair interests dude. EXCEPT, I think I lost my girl because of the opposite. At the end of school all we did was party, ****, drink, skip school, etc. I gained like 10 pounds and NEVER went to the gym..this was while we were still having a blast and were chill. When I graduated, I got VERY serious about my career and my health/fitness. Meaning, I'd wake up at 4:55 AM every morning to train and then sometimes at night. She complained I was always tired when she came over at 10PM...and that I didn't party anymore. Well no ****, I had a crazy schedule. Did I take it too far? Probably. And now that I'm single I'll take it even farther.
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 OP I think this is a great post. Instead of feeling bad, you're being introverted instead and trying to learn from your mistakes. That's WONDERFUL. Also you're 25 you ARE young as GT already pointed out.
NightLord1 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I truly believe that physical attraction at its best only accounts or comes into play during the initial meet up with someone or when you first see each other. Sure physical attraction is important but it is not LASTING. What IS lasting is the BEHAVIOR of one's self working out or not. I think that working out and being active shows a lot of drive, ambition, and high energy levels which to anyone is attractive. It also breeds self confidence. I work out six days a week and i used to weigh 320lbs now down to about 220lbs with most of it muscle. Two years ago I was down to 170lbs at my leanest. My point is though that I was able to get girlfriends just as easy when i was 320lbs as I do now at 220lbs...the weird thing? When i was fat my relationships lasted TWICE as long. Since i dropped all that weight i haven't been in a relationship that lasted more then eight months. Go figure that one out. Heh. Regards
boogieboy Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 SRT Im gonna shoot you with a bean bag gun for giving up the SRT! You got it nailed brotha, dont give up your life for the next woman. Also Beware of the ones that demand more time from you, and if you do the challenge is over...get it? Same thing for your heart and feelings. Dont give it all up, you can give them the key to your heart box, but you only ration a lil bit of your heart at a time to keep them wanting more. Thats what happens when alot of women lose interest because the guys give too much and the woman has no challenge. Your time and your heart, loves currency.....only a lil at a time...its like what happens when people get too much money at once and they go nuts....
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