EmptyPromises Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 weve been broken up for 2 months...started talking the past couple of days ..basically told him i wanted to work things out...woke up this morning told him maybe we shouldnt until he proves himself to me. we broke up bc of trust issues & respect issues. then he sent me a text saying his grandma just passed away in the past hour. is this where i prove myself to him? that im there for him? what do i say? do i go to the services? i feel so bad
Thomas X Forever Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 he sent me a text saying his grandma just passed away in the past hour. is this where i prove myself to him? I doubt you meant this in the way it looks, but it looks disturbing. It isn't where you prove yourself to him -- it's where he grieves for the loss of someone he loved, period. It has nothing to do with you. As for what you should do, however, that's tough. Some people will say NC, but since you've been talking to him anyway, the least you can do is extend your sympathies... but don't manipulate this situation into a way you can prove yourself. That is twisted and narcissistic.
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 i didnt mean it like that.. i meant is this where i step up and put our problems aside stop being bitter about our break up and give him a shoulder to cry on?
Thaddeus Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 basically told him i wanted to work things out...woke up this morning told him maybe we shouldnt until he proves himself to me. You're sending him massively mixed messages. He's confused. Who wouldn't be? I don't think the confusion is related to him telling you that his grandmother died, though. (Did you know her?) I think you're reading way too much into this. I think he was just keeping you current on what's happened. Offer him your condolences and maybe even send flowers or a sympathy card or something.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 It would show how good of a person you were, if you did that... but it would most likely eventually take a toll on you. Assuming he doesn't get back with you. I say just extend sympathies and that's all. Period
Author EmptyPromises Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 yes ive met her a couple of times, im really close to his mother and little sister, i bought a sympathy card to send them and told my ex im here if he needs me...i guess thats all i can do or should do for now and if he does need me hell call.. i just feel bad because we were both dealing with the same thing.. both our grandparents had a stroke and mine's not doing too well either. so the loss of his grandmother is making me upset & im just thinking about how upset he must be
Thomas X Forever Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 You did the right thing. You extended your sympathies. Not much else you can do...
Thornton Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I would suggest you extend your sympathies and if you're there to support him, say so. If you knew his grandmother better I would have suggested you ask to go to the funeral, but since you only met her a couple of times it probably isn't appropriate. But you need to stop sending him mixed messages... you either want to try again or you don't. I assume it was you who distrusted him, and him who was disrespectful, hence why you feel he needs to prove himself... which he does if he wants to get back together, but not right now.
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