indriyani Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I don't know about anyone else on here that is pining for their ex ... but I feel like my personality has virtually disappeared in the last couple of weeks. I'm just one gigantic ball of easily agitated, overly emotional, uninterested in anything friends/family has to say MESS. I'm sure I am awful to have as company, but I can't shut these feelings off. Last night I got to thinking, why do I want him back so badly? Maybe I'm ashamed to admit the answers are mainly for comfort, for the habit of who we were, the ease of the situation. Always having a friend to confide in whenever I wanted. It's easy to forget what I didn't like about him when I spend most of my days wanting him to just be in my presence. I want to place blame in myself for treating him badly and making him leave; but I think I have to understand, what made me behave badly? Was it the fact that he just didn't care, didn't make the effort, didn't try to love me the way I deserved to be loved? Or was it really all just me. I started this thread because I think all of us on here that are waiting for our ex to suddenly realize she/he made the wrong decision, might need to step back and really think about it. Because was it really wrong? Or are we all just victims of a desperate kind of denial in admitting that it was a bad relationship? Writing this hasn't made me change my mind. I still want him back but ... I'm starting to acknowledge it just might not be for the right reasons.
Taucher Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I think for me I miss my ex loads and want her back more than possibly anything. But I think it is 50% missing her as a person and 50% lonliness/fear. I spend time thinking about how much I miss her and then spend some more time thinking 'What do I do now' because in the past I would have someone there to talk to and touch and cuddle and all those soppy things. But I also remember how HAPPY she made me feel. How seeing her smile made me feel so good. So yes, I too have lost my personality a bit because my brain is always elsewhere, thinking of these things. T
Exit Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 You'll get through this stage of recovery eventually. There was a couple weeks where I was ripping people's heads off with a nasty attitude just for talking to me. I felt like they were interrupting all the thinking I was doing. It's not so bad anymore. I have had to accept some of the same things. Although I believe there really was a ton of genuine love involved in our relationship, I know there is a part of me that just wants her back because it makes the rest of my life less miserable. I have realized all the ways she was wrong for me. I've realized that for a girl who always told me she preferred long term relationships, she has no idea what kind of communication, sacrifice, and understanding that a real relationship requires. I've wondered the same things you are. I treated her badly and now I'm dying for a chance to do a better job, but maybe I did it for a reason? Was I really acting blindly for a year and a half, or was I treating her badly because I wasn't feeling appreciated either? I think this is why she has refused to come back, she feels like everything happened for a reason and there's no point trying to change it, and maybe she's smart for sticking to her guns. Maybe she didn't make the wrong decision. Maybe the relationship was bad, and I know I was certainly never going to end it. She says "if you loved me you would have treated me better all along", and in a sense, maybe she's right. I had her, and if she was as amazing as I'm telling myself she is now, I would have done a better job all along.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 This topic calls upon a deep psychology and understanding of human behavior. I like this topic.
coolabah Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 i know what you mean about losing your personality. i quit my (really good!) job and moved across the country for a guy who turned out not to want me after all. i got back a week ago and i can hardly get out of bed, never mind socialize. if he asked me now, i wouldn't take him back, but i am really struggling to cope with losing the dream life that i had envisioned with him.
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