Author weeble78 Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Oh no, you aren't paranoid. Paranoid is fear without basis. You have good reasons. He's gaslighting you to make you think you're overly sensitive, paranoid, etc. It's such a crime to make you doubt yourself. About the flat, I meant- can't he stay in it afyter you leave or vice versa and pay for it by himself if you two don't want to sell it until a later time? (Theoretcially making you free to leave for elsewhere?) He can't stay because he is in debt up to his eyeballs (and still owes me plenty of money). I could stay here but I think I'm just about ready for a nervous breakdown after the last two years, have no friends and don't know how I'll manage on my own. It's been two hours and he still hasn't turned up - I feel so worthless right now and just wish I could curl up somewhere on my own and disappear. I've cried and asked him to come home, and all I get is his voicemail...
HsMomma Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Respect cannot be demanded, it must be earned. I get the sense, weeble, that you don't have a lot of respect for yourself at the moment. That's not a criticism or a judgement, it's just an observation. It's probably made worse because of your back injury. (Hope that heals well, by the way. Damn, that can be painful, I can relate.) If you had to measure your self-respect on a scale of 1 to 10 - 10 being the best - where would you put it? Dang, Thaddeus, sometimes you scare me...that was my EXACT thought (get outta my head!!!). The only thing I would add to that is, respect for oneself must come first, and respect has to be reciprocated by BOTH parties. If either is not respectful of the other, there's really not much that can be done.
jjreed Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 A man will only do what you allow him to do. Up to this point, it appears you have allowed him to do anything he wants. Also in his mind, you know that he is cheating and you are allowing it. Why do you feel worthless? What did you do to feel worthless? It appears that because of his actions, you feel worthless. You have given him too much power. Don't allow another person to have that much control. It's time you take back your power. Why don't you start going out by yourself? Have fun without him. Make new friends. You mentioned a slipped disc. Don't let that stop you. Get a wheelchair or cane. Whatever it takes, make it happen. Are you willing to do that? The point is you HAVE TO stop making excuses for why you can't change the situation. I read a WHOLE LOT OF "CAN'TS" in your post. You are focusing too much on what you can't do instead of what you can do. If you do not change your focus, he will continue to render you powerless.
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