blazian Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I had a good friend (a gay male) who knew I was in a marriage that was going absolutely no where. I was married 6 mo out of high school, enough said. While this friend would encourage me to get out of this marriage, he also pushed the idea upon me that his cousin would be a great man for me. I decided to leave my husband and pursue a relationship with his cousin while the divorce was going on. This friend didn't agree with the fact that I wasn't completely divorced before I started talking to his cousin and literally flipped his wig! He tried to break us up, he talked bad about me to his family so that I wouldn't be accepted, and he talked badly about his own cousin to me and his own family in hopes that it would ruin any possibility of us being a couple. Apparently, he wanted us to be together, but he wanted us to be together his way. It was astounding how increasingly insane he became the longer we pursued each other and ignored his attempts to ruin us. One day, he crossed the line. He knew that I had experience sexual abuse as a child and he left threatening messages on my phone and email account reminding me of this. He even admitted that he wanted nothing more than to ruin me and bring hurt to me. Well, it worked. I forgave everything he ever did, but I will NEVER forgive the fact that he used my childhood trauma to hurt me. That's the most twisted and sick thing I can possibly imagine. So, we are obviously not friends anymore. In my opinion, he is not the kind of person you want within 100 ft of you. What hurts is that his cousin, who is now my BF of 6 months doesn't feel this way. He doesn't really like his cousin anymore because of this incident, but he has no problem hanging out with him, having drinks, and just being cool with him. Now, I know he is family, but the way I feel is that if someone (family or not) did such a terrible thing to someone you hold dear, you don't allow that person back into your life. They barely know each other, they didn't grow up together, and my BF has told me that he doesn't really even like him at all, but he's just a fun person to hang with every now and then. This enrages me and we argue about this quit a bit. My BF's argument is that he is family. My question is...am I wrong for feeling this way? Is my BF wrong for being cool with someone who did what he did to me and to us? I think what makes this difficult is that he is family. I am so confused!
boogieboy Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Yes you are wrong. You have no jurisdiction over this guy. You cant make him ignore his family for someone he just started dating. Its your fault that you let your old friend use your childhood trama agaisnt you and let him get to you. Thats issues that YOU have to work out, NOT your BF. Its between you and your old friend. Dont be selfish and involve your BF into it just because you want someone to back you up against the old friend.
boyse Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 No I don't think you're wrong, people should never feel wrong for having feelings, it's just how they're handled. What that guy did was low and anyone who uses things like that to get at someone is a cretin. Thing is, people do things differently, I agree if someone did something like this to me and my partner was still good friends with them it would cause me to think she might not hold me in high regards It may not be the case, but it might be what I'm thinking. Sounds like u need some reassurance from ur BF. We all need to work on ourselves, but we all deserve to be with someone who can treat us the way we want to be treated. So I would say try talking to your bf again, how would it make him feel if someone did this to him? Not saying who's wrong or right just giving my opinion P.S It's probably only a matter of time before that guy does something to your bf anyway
Recommended Posts