LostLamb Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I think snooping is pointless but sometimes it can focus your mind. My relationship ended for good on Dec 3rd last year and my ex met someone else by January. I found out a couple of hours ago that he is engaged which is what I would have expected so it isn't a shock. What is wrong is that I guess I feel mixed up about my year so far-ill health , heartbreak , family death etc while all this time my ex has been in love. I remember posters telling me about rebounds , how ex's always come back when you least expect it etc but I am the cynical type and always knew he would be happy now I was out of his life. I want to feel heartbroken or something but I don't , yet he has been on my mind ALL week (I think it is because it was birthday at the weekend) and won't leave my mind. I don't have normal escape routes like everyone else so I have dealt with losing him alone (minus some counselling which focused on my other problems) and by staying online all hours and trying to sort my life out until life tripped me up again in May. And now? Eight months on? I have nothing and he has won.
citizen67 Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 you know, it needs to be about you and not him - your life I mean. I say that to myself as much as to you, and so thank you for letting me be a little more objective about my own situation. But hey I empathize - it hurts
Author LostLamb Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 It does hurt , not the fact that he isn't mine anymore and will be married with kids soon. It hurts that I am having the year from hell as he prospers. I've lost faith in love as it took long enough to let him in.
asuman Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Learning an ex is engaged is tough for a lot of people. You will get past this stage though. You aren't over him yet. I can tell you right now that of all of my serious ex's (who I actually have respect for), I would happily attend each of their weddings without minding it one bit. It's hard to imagine getting to that point in your post-relationship recovery period when you're not actually there yet. But try and visualize it... visualize your being strong, not needy, not caring about someone who doesn't care about you the same way... and gradually you will get there.
Author LostLamb Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Learning an ex is engaged is tough for a lot of people. You will get past this stage though. You aren't over him yet. I can tell you right now that of all of my serious ex's (who I actually have respect for), I would happily attend each of their weddings without minding it one bit. It's hard to imagine getting to that point in your post-relationship recovery period when you're not actually there yet. But try and visualize it... visualize your being strong, not needy, not caring about someone who doesn't care about you the same way... and gradually you will get there. He was obsessed with marriage so learning this actually made me feel good in a small way. I guess it just hurts losing my only friend and knowing he is happier than ever , hopefully he is really fat and hasn't lost much weight.
asuman Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 He was obsessed with marriage so learning this actually made me feel good in a small way. I guess it just hurts losing my only friend and knowing he is happier than ever , hopefully he is really fat and hasn't lost much weight. Getting my heart broken is one of the best ways to whip me into top physical shape. People who are content and jump into another relationship without any suffering, on the other hand, are more apt to be lazy. So there's a good chance your wish will be granted and that he's turning fatter even as we have this dialogue. I can practically hear the fat cells multiplying in his belly. Gross!
Author LostLamb Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Getting my heart broken is one of the best ways to whip me into top physical shape. People who are content and jump into another relationship without any suffering, on the other hand, are more apt to be lazy. So there's a good chance your wish will be granted and that he's turning fatter even as we have this dialogue. I can practically hear the fat cells multiplying in his belly. Gross! He is already a fat muffin but i'm not skinny and don't judge. As for being lazy because he hasn't suffered I don't think I agree. He is radiant with happiness and my heart is probably still smashed although his leaving isn't the only reason. Why did I have to lose by such a big margin? Suffering is overrated and I am disappointed that seven months on I still think about him as I expected more of myself in a way.
asuman Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 There's no set time frame for these things. 7 months is ok. It may take you a while longer, but you will get there. Be patient with yourself and let yourself process the emotions. Who cares about his weight situation. What about improving YOUR life?
Author LostLamb Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 There's no set time frame for these things. 7 months is ok. It may take you a while longer, but you will get there. Be patient with yourself and let yourself process the emotions. Who cares about his weight situation. What about improving YOUR life? All the plans I made earlier this year to build myself a life (I don't know anyone) are on hold as I had bad news about my health and am awaiting a procedure. What a great year! At least my mum will come to the hospital with me. Life is just so dull right now but I guess I need more time and to learn to take risks because I don't want to end up still thinking about him in 5 years time.
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