Author EddieN Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 logically, i suppose this works ... for some people. this is how i approach my guy friends. This is what I would say to a guy friend - "Yo, 3 things - fuddruckers, fireworks, beer...in whatever order you feel like, regardless of safety. Meet me in 20." This is what I would say to girl I would like to date - "Hey, I was thinking of going to get coffee/lunch at ____, and I'd like a lot for you to join me." There's a pretty big difference. I'm not sure how you can be sexy that way without coming off as a sleazeball. Want to enlighten me? (I mean it...I don't know how to be flirty when I first meet a girl.) um, it isn't very sexy. "to discuss it further" ?? not very romantic either. I don't actually say, "___, call me to discuss our potential near-future rendezvous. Perhaps dinner and a movie should be in order. I expect this meeting to take approximately 3.577 hours. Please reply asap. This message will self destruct." i might try once or twice again, but if she still doesn't pick up, i'll take that as a blow-off and pursue someone else. I agree, and I do the same. Statement of intent is necessary because she has to know the score early on. You can state your intentions simply by doing basic flirting or some physical contact. SOI is necessary because it sets you in the lover territory, instead of friend territory. If you don't SOI properly, and let's say you try to escalate your relationship, she will freak out. Imagine taking your best female friend to a coffee shop and then trying to F her. It would lead to the very same "freakout" reaction. You can't try to creep your way in with "friendship". What is SOI? And like I asked above, I need some tips of flirting. Remember, before I came to college I knew maybe 5-10 girls my age, mostly through cousins, so I'm new at this. But when asking a chick out, you can still be telling big dick jokes and what not, as long as you don't ASK her out per se, which leads to freakouts with many chicks. Dinners, movies etc put pressure and expectations on them. And they put you in the supplication frame (buying her time and attraction with commodities). That's what all the lamers do. I see you did this right, by asking her to meet up with you casually. Remember... state your intentions but never go directly with the whole "dating" business because it reeks of neediness and desperation. I know it seems counter intuitive and almost absurd, but it makes sense really. Keep playing the numbers game... you'll get results eventually. By asking out I'm guessing you mean a really direct 50's-esque traditional approach. I don't do that, but I'm not sure what the right balance between stating your intentions and being casual is. And does it reek of neediness if you just want to keep it to you and the girl? Because that's the way I would like it, not a whole group thing. You want to know what hooks a girl? Guys can get hooked to girls easily, because as guys we fall for how they look most of the time. And girls DO spend a TON of time looking pretty for us. So you gotta consider what girls fall for, and thats SOUND. Music music music dude. You can be the bird singing your song, and she's the bee. The birds and the bees, get it? You want to get a girl 'hooked', that is no easy task. Takes a lot of hard work and dedication to the craft of music. You want to hook a chick, learn to play an acoustic guitar and sing to her, but be sincere! They spend a LOT of time LOOKING good, so you should spend a LOT of time SOUNDING good! You can only get what you give, understand? There is absolutely no poor quality that a man can have that cannot be made up for with money! If you want lots of female attention... have lots of $$$. So, with that in mind. Wear expensive clothes, Drive an expensive car... ect. If you seem rich, you can't seem creepy. At worst they will think of you as eccentric. Both of these things are pretty superficial and not the best advice in this thread, but I'll reply anyway. With the music thing, I do play music. Bass is my specialty, but I sing and play acoustic too (not so much recently). And I'm not loaded by any means, lol, but I'm 20 years old. I'm currently working an internship for 2 months that pays well and have 2 part time jobs to fill in extra hours I have here and there. I'm also trying to start a personal business giving guitar and bass lessons...and if I can get a few customers that'll bring in about $35-40 an hour, which would be SWEET! I'm not one to flaunt stuff, though. Most of my money is saved or used to buy more music equipment, not fancy clothes or cars (though I could use some new clothes soon). The guys my age who are driving around in BMW's or other fancy cars obviously got them from their parents. Besides, as I said, this is superficial, and if a girl think my VW jetta or $10 shirts aren't cool or expensive enough then I don't want anything to do with her.
espec10001 Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Focus on the music then man! I don't focus on chicks, music to me is much more rewarding and fulfilling. Chicks come and go, but for me music has been with me since I was young and isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Music is like a long time companion that never leaves, never judges, and always pleases. In my opinion you can't go wrong!
Author EddieN Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Focus on the music then man! I don't focus on chicks, music to me is much more rewarding and fulfilling. Chicks come and go, but for me music has been with me since I was young and isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Music is like a long time companion that never leaves, never judges, and always pleases. In my opinion you can't go wrong! Yeah I guess. I've been in a slump with music lately because I haven't had anyone to jam with for almost a year (kinda similar to my situation with girls...wow ). I've been trying to do solo recordings but I can't get it right. I don't know, I just get mad lonely. I saw Bruno today (which was flipping hilarious) but by myself. I focused on the movie when it was playing, but going in and out of it I couldn't help but notice the hoardes of guys and girls my age together on dates, holding hands and such. Man, that really sucks to see. **** it though, I just gotta get out of this long slump.
funwithpaint Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Both of these things are pretty superficial and not the best advice in this thread, but I'll reply anyway. With the music thing, I do play music. Bass is my specialty, but I sing and play acoustic too (not so much recently). And I'm not loaded by any means, lol, but I'm 20 years old. I'm currently working an internship for 2 months that pays well and have 2 part time jobs to fill in extra hours I have here and there. I'm also trying to start a personal business giving guitar and bass lessons...and if I can get a few customers that'll bring in about $35-40 an hour, which would be SWEET! I'm not one to flaunt stuff, though. Most of my money is saved or used to buy more music equipment, not fancy clothes or cars (though I could use some new clothes soon). The guys my age who are driving around in BMW's or other fancy cars obviously got them from their parents. Besides, as I said, this is superficial, and if a girl think my VW jetta or $10 shirts aren't cool or expensive enough then I don't want anything to do with her. Two things. 1. Most women love musicians. Now depending on what kind of music you play and if your in a band or not this could be your approach: "Hey I'm playing a show at ______ around _______ i'd like it if you came. maybe we could find something to do later?" This will NOT work if you are in some insane grindcore band. 2. Girls do like nice cars You can by a late 90's BMW for under 10k same with Audi's. You can sometimes find older vettes and Porsches for around 10k too. I own a 1970 and a 72 chevelle and bring them to car shows. They serve as my attention grabber. I sit next to them make sure they look perfect and when a girl that i find attractive walks up to one of them I ask them if they like it. If they yes I ask them if they know about cars. In the rare instance they do i pop the hood and show them the car in detail and all that. If they dont know about cars I ask them if they want to sit in one of them and then i turn the car on. My cars are loud and grab attention when they start up and this makes the girl feel special. Either way I give them my card for my digital arts studio and say "heres my number can i get yours? Maybe we could go for a cruise sometime?" It works. Well.
Author EddieN Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Two things. 1. Most women love musicians. Now depending on what kind of music you play and if your in a band or not this could be your approach: "Hey I'm playing a show at ______ around _______ i'd like it if you came. maybe we could find something to do later?" This will NOT work if you are in some insane grindcore band. 2. Girls do like nice cars You can by a late 90's BMW for under 10k same with Audi's. You can sometimes find older vettes and Porsches for around 10k too. I own a 1970 and a 72 chevelle and bring them to car shows. They serve as my attention grabber. I sit next to them make sure they look perfect and when a girl that i find attractive walks up to one of them I ask them if they like it. If they yes I ask them if they know about cars. In the rare instance they do i pop the hood and show them the car in detail and all that. If they dont know about cars I ask them if they want to sit in one of them and then i turn the car on. My cars are loud and grab attention when they start up and this makes the girl feel special. Either way I give them my card for my digital arts studio and say "heres my number can i get yours? Maybe we could go for a cruise sometime?" It works. Well. Hey man, thanks for your post. Nah, I'm not into hardcore stuff. My ideal situations with music are different when I have different roles. If I'm playing bass, then it's RHCP and Primus - generally a cool, fun, and kinda weird fusion of funk and alt rock. If I'm doing keyboard and am working solo with electric instruments, then I like to do darker and more industrial stuff like NIN or Tool. If it's just me and an acoustic guitar, I play stuff from Eric Clapton to Nirvana to Hootie and the Blowfish...and a lot of my own crappy little acoustic songs. But yeah, I think I'm mainstream enough not to freak girls out. I have a decent voice but I need to work on my pitch control...but if you can write good songs then you don't need the nicest voice in the world. About the car...hell, I would love to get a nice car if I had a 8-10k to spare. Unfortunately I had summer classes to pay for with whatever money I had saved. By the end of the summer, I should have 3-4k, though, which is a start. I never had much money, but I have about 10k invested in amps, guitars, basses, recording equipment, etc...so at least my money stands for something and not a bunch of booze and pot, lol.
dreamergrl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 It's got nothing to do with attracting anyone. It's got to do with being better than someone else. I know you can't be serious.... I don't go out trying to up other girls. I go out looking my best, at my best, being the beautiful girl I am. Here's an example that you've probably seen play out before: A woman goes to a party. While at the party she sees another woman there in exactly the same dress. Ice-dagger glances are exchanged between the two women. (Gawd, this is funny to watch, too!) Eventually one of them may leave, go home, change and come back. Or maybe borrow a sweater or something. Me... I'd go up to her and make a joke. But hey.. if you think a 'possible cat fight attempt' is funny, then what would you really know about attracting girls? This sounds like something out of the movie 'Mean Girls' ... how old are you? Women are extremely competitive when it comes to this sort of thing. Again, I just want to be me. I'm not looking to be a rival to anyone. This will hold the same with any mature woman. Contrast that with a situation where two guys show up wearing the same suit. They'll probably approach each other, compliment the other on their taste in suits, then have a beer and a few laughs. There's no competition between them; that they happened to wear the same colour/style of suit is just a humorous coincidence. This is a contract to YOUNG YOUNG girls who are still in high school ... Get with the program. OP --- Perhaps.. your feelings, so to speak, of the situation you are having with girls are surfacing when you 'approach' them. You are getting frustrated.. and with most... emotions and feelings speak from the outside more often then we know, or realize. Perhaps you're trying to hard at a result of this. I think another poster may have mentioned trying dating sites, I think this is a good idea. The 'first' impression is done for you by your profile. You don't have to worry about coming off as 'creepy', as girls will approach you based on your profile (assuming that it's not creepy LOL). Sit back, and have the work done for you.
Author EddieN Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Perhaps.. your feelings, so to speak, of the situation you are having with girls are surfacing when you 'approach' them. You are getting frustrated.. and with most... emotions and feelings speak from the outside more often then we know, or realize. Perhaps you're trying to hard at a result of this. I think another poster may have mentioned trying dating sites, I think this is a good idea. The 'first' impression is done for you by your profile. You don't have to worry about coming off as 'creepy', as girls will approach you based on your profile (assuming that it's not creepy LOL). Sit back, and have the work done for you. I go through times when I get lonely and times when I feel great. For example, during the month of May I didn't really think about girls and focused on other stuff. Then when June began I saw a girl or two I liked and thought I'd make a move. I went in with a pretty good attitude. After a while it wears you down and you gotta take a break. I think I'm okay Mon-Fri, but then when Friday night and the weekend comes I get lonely and a bit down. Then once I'm at my regular routine again I snap out of it. I registered on okcupid about a month ago, but it felt really weird. See, people my age tend to assume that if you're in college and you're going on a dating site, then there's something wrong with you. So, there aren't many 18-20 year olds on the sites. There was one girl on it I noticed and she goes to my school apparently. I contacted her, she contacted me back, and then I told her it was nice to meet new people now and then and that if she felt the same she should IM me. It died after that, which is a shame because she seemed to have a lot in common with me, but oh well.
dreamergrl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I go through times when I get lonely and times when I feel great. For example, during the month of May I didn't really think about girls and focused on other stuff. Then when June began I saw a girl or two I liked and thought I'd make a move. I went in with a pretty good attitude. After a while it wears you down and you gotta take a break. Sometimes it can wear on you... but you have to be able to brush it off. No one likes rejection, but if you let it carry on your shoulder it shows. I think I'm okay Mon-Fri, but then when Friday night and the weekend comes I get lonely and a bit down. Then once I'm at my regular routine again I snap out of it. You need to be okay Sunday through Saturday on your own. I registered on okcupid about a month ago, but it felt really weird. See, people my age tend to assume that if you're in college and you're going on a dating site, then there's something wrong with you. So, there aren't many 18-20 year olds on the sites. There was one girl on it I noticed and she goes to my school apparently. I contacted her, she contacted me back, and then I told her it was nice to meet new people now and then and that if she felt the same she should IM me. It died after that, which is a shame because she seemed to have a lot in common with me, but oh well. Try plenty of fish. Try match. Don't get down at one try. Try a singles group in your area. Meetup.com I think it may be? I personally think you're letting it get to you too much. I've had the same problem, and I'm a pretty girl with a great heart, I shouldn't have issues dating, but I do. We all do.
Author EddieN Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Sometimes it can wear on you... but you have to be able to brush it off. No one likes rejection, but if you let it carry on your shoulder it shows. You need to be okay Sunday through Saturday on your own. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I've just been depressed lately with my parents getting a divorce and not having many good friends in the area to turn to. I sometimes just wish I had someone - a girl - not to unload all my issues on, but just to give me something to smile about once in a while. I'll be better after a while. I know that's not the answer. I know I have to solve my problems myself, and I am doing that. But like I said, someone to enjoy and just be with now and then wouldn't hurt. Try plenty of fish. Try match. Don't get down at one try. Try a singles group in your area. Meetup.com I think it may be? I personally think you're letting it get to you too much. I've had the same problem, and I'm a pretty girl with a great heart, I shouldn't have issues dating, but I do. We all do. I'm just worried that someone I know is gonna find me on a dating site and expose it.
dreamergrl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I've just been depressed lately with my parents getting a divorce and not having many good friends in the area to turn to. I sometimes just wish I had someone - a girl - not to unload all my issues on, but just to give me something to smile about once in a while. I'll be better after a while. I know that's not the answer. I know I have to solve my problems myself, and I am doing that. But like I said, someone to enjoy and just be with now and then wouldn't hurt. Everyone wants this, they really do (and I believe this no matter what anyone says). But the truth is, is you need to be able to smile on your own. You need to be able to look at what you DO have, and be able to be happy and smile about that. A girl wont fix problems. Maybe having a SO would make it better, but is that what completes you? I'm just worried that someone I know is gonna find me on a dating site and expose it. I was like that too, then I said screw it.
shadowplay Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 didn't read the thread, but the title sounds kind of sinister.
Le Rendezvous Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I've never had this problem. All I do to pick up women is talk to them a little, look them in the eyes, give them my number, wink at them, and leave. I then wait for them to text or call me. I've tried it about ten times so far this year, and it's worked nine times. I then feel them out over the phone and if they sound interesting, I ask them if they'd like to do something with me. Literally every time, they agree, and we go out on a date. Maybe you're thinking about it too much?
Author EddieN Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 I've never had this problem. All I do to pick up women is talk to them a little, look them in the eyes, give them my number, wink at them, and leave. I then wait for them to text or call me. I've tried it about ten times so far this year, and it's worked nine times. I then feel them out over the phone and if they sound interesting, I ask them if they'd like to do something with me. Literally every time, they agree, and we go out on a date. Maybe you're thinking about it too much? Yeah right. Most girls aren't gonna call you if you just hand out your number. They'll think you're a pussy for not calling yourself.
mammax3 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Eddie, you sound like a sweet, good guy. I'm sorry your family is struggling through divorce, it's tough for everyone. About hooking a girl - it doesn't sound to me as though you're doing anything wrong per se. You said in the last post that maybe you sound wimpish if you give out your number. As much as I hate to say it, I think there is *some* validity to the whole PUA stuff. But not in a fake or phony way. Have some confidence (sounds like you think you do, but is not translated - giving out your number or leaving 'wanna go out' voicemails is not confidence). Smiling at girls the first time you see them is a little creepy. In a gym to look sideways at two girls with your headphones on while smiling seems icky. Taking off your headphones and making a comment about the gym is not creepy. It's slight difference. By smiling at the girls, but not giving them anything to actually work with is putting it on the girls to make the first move - not something a lot of girls will do. I agree with dreamergrl, gotta love yourself before you can love others. Relationships are hard work and cause a lot of stress and I think you may have mentioned that this may not be the best time for you to try and engage in the beginnings of a relationship - given the reasons why you want a girl. Going out in a big group with guys and girls (or even a small group, whatever) can bring a smile to your face and take some of the pressure off just you and her.
Le Rendezvous Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Yeah right. Most girls aren't gonna call you if you just hand out your number. They'll think you're a pussy for not calling yourself. I beg to differ. There aren't many people with an aura like mine. I tend to draw people in. I am confident that a vast majority of the women I meet are at least partially attracted to me in some way and would be interested in getting to know me better. That's why when I give them my number, they call. I don't waste my time pursuing women. I let them pursue me. I subtly find out before giving it to them if they're in a relationship, looking, or what have you. I don't waste time on women in relationships. And I don't see why any woman would not be interested. But then again, maybe that is what separates someone like me from someone who doesn't seem to get the girl. I have confidence in myself and my charisma. Anyway, I'm not here to brag or argue. I can understand if you'll say "yeah right" or what have you; what works for me might not work for others. I'm here to help other people, not debate about what happens in my life. OP: I think you're spending too much time thinking about things. Or possibly, you're just not meeting women who share the same interests as you. I am happy to hear that you're content with your life as it is. That's always a good way to start things off. Others have mentioned that meeting women is simply a matter of numbers. Statistics. I think that if you continue to approach women and converse with them in the nonchalant manner that you have described, eventually you will find someone interested in you. I think that it would be helpful for you to convey the excitement for life that I've noticed you have while talking to women. People love to be around others who give off a positive energy and when you express your passion for living I think that people are drawn into you and will think that your life is interesting. What do you usually talk about with these women before exchanging numbers?
Lucky_One Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I have seen this thread for days, and all I want do reply is... It takes a good Dacron 50 pound test, a 30' leader, a 200# snap swivel and a bridle rigged dead dolphin. Diamonds don't hurt, either. (Seriously, OP, good luck with your dilemna!)
Author EddieN Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Eddie, you sound like a sweet, good guy. I'm sorry your family is struggling through divorce, it's tough for everyone. Thanks. About hooking a girl - it doesn't sound to me as though you're doing anything wrong per se. You said in the last post that maybe you sound wimpish if you give out your number. As much as I hate to say it, I think there is *some* validity to the whole PUA stuff. But not in a fake or phony way. I said that I wouldn't give out my phone number. I'd ask for the girl's number instead. That's a lot more confident since by giving her your number, you're putting the task on her to call you first. By getting her number, you're in control. Have some confidence (sounds like you think you do, but is not translated - giving out your number or leaving 'wanna go out' voicemails is not confidence). This is the kind of advice I'm looking for, but could you elaborate? I want to know what little social behaviors look confident. I feel confident enough to approach a girl I see around a lot, talk to her, and try to get her number. But for all I know, I'm doing certain things I'm unaware of that are hurting how I appear. Like with the voicemail thing, I had no idea. I thought it was perfectly acceptable to leave a girl a voicemail asking for her to call you back, but apparently it isn't...so I guess I won't do that. Smiling at girls the first time you see them is a little creepy. In a gym to look sideways at two girls with your headphones on while smiling seems icky. Taking off your headphones and making a comment about the gym is not creepy. It's slight difference. By smiling at the girls, but not giving them anything to actually work with is putting it on the girls to make the first move - not something a lot of girls will do. I see what you're saying, but I didn't do what you described. After doing a set, I was sitting up and taking a breathe. They were a few feet in front of me facing me. After about 20 sec or so my eyes wandered to them and they saw me. I just gave a little closed-mouth smile...kinda like a way to say hello. Like I said, I can see what you're describing, but I think what I did was fine. But you brought up something else I wasn't sure of. I always figured saying something randomly was creepier than just making eye contact once. Like, if I made a random comment about the gym, they would wonder why I was talking with them and be annoyed and creeped out. On the other hand, if they came into my area while I was lifting, and then while I was taking a breath our eyes happened to meet and I responded with a nod and slight smile, that would be more casual and welcoming. I do that with everyone I happen to make eye contact with. It's better to give someone a little smile then give them a scowl or pretend you didn't see them. Plus, I'm not expecting the girl to make the first move. If she responds positively to my little smile, I will talk to her. To me, eye contact and smiling is a precursor to making conversation. If someone isn't willing to return a friendly smile, why would they be willing to talk? I agree with dreamergrl, gotta love yourself before you can love others. Relationships are hard work and cause a lot of stress and I think you may have mentioned that this may not be the best time for you to try and engage in the beginnings of a relationship - given the reasons why you want a girl. Going out in a big group with guys and girls (or even a small group, whatever) can bring a smile to your face and take some of the pressure off just you and her. I don't necessarily want a relationship though. I was want to spend some time with girls...go on a few dates now and then. When the right girl comes along I'm sure I'll be willing to put up with the potential stress for the enjoyment of being with her, but how can I ever find the right girl if I never date? I beg to differ. There aren't many people with an aura like mine. I tend to draw people in. I am confident that a vast majority of the women I meet are at least partially attracted to me in some way and would be interested in getting to know me better. That's why when I give them my number, they call. I don't waste my time pursuing women. I let them pursue me. I subtly find out before giving it to them if they're in a relationship, looking, or what have you. I don't waste time on women in relationships. And I don't see why any woman would not be interested. But then again, maybe that is what separates someone like me from someone who doesn't seem to get the girl. I have confidence in myself and my charisma. I see what you're saying. Mind if I ask how old you are? Honestly, I feel I can be in your situation, but time needs to work its magic. I'm a tall and physically attractive guy. I have a ton of passions and things I'm doing with my life and the people I know see all this in me. I just don't know many people. I went to an all-male high school and knew maybe 5-10 girls my age. 2 years ago I started college and was exposed to women for the first time. I didn't go to my first party until October of that year. I spent that year learning a lot of general social skills. As time progressed, more girls started to become interested in me, and I didn't even pursue them much. I met them through circumstance. As you can imagine though, I knew nothing about how to act around girls, and I messed up a lot of those opportunities. With every one of those mistakes, though, I learned something new. At the moment I have a few girls interested in me...ones who I met at various parties over the past few months. They contact me and did all the pursuing, but I'm just not interested in them unfortunately. The summer is always a dry time for me. All of my good college friends are hours away. I meet very few people (particularly girls) at the places I work at. The only real ways I have to meet new girls are my classes and house parties I'll get invited to every month or so. OP: I think you're spending too much time thinking about things. Or possibly, you're just not meeting women who share the same interests as you. I am happy to hear that you're content with your life as it is. That's always a good way to start things off. Others have mentioned that meeting women is simply a matter of numbers. Statistics. I think that if you continue to approach women and converse with them in the nonchalant manner that you have described, eventually you will find someone interested in you. I think that it would be helpful for you to convey the excitement for life that I've noticed you have while talking to women. People love to be around others who give off a positive energy and when you express your passion for living I think that people are drawn into you and will think that your life is interesting. What do you usually talk about with these women before exchanging numbers? I'm actually a pretty good conversationalist. I used to SUCK at speaking in high school, but I picked up on how to keep a conversation interesting pretty quickly after getting to college. What do I talk about? Well, I'll start by asking basic questions - name, where she's from, what she's studying, etc. I can then usually pick up on something she says and get more into that. I could get more into what she does and what she's studying (ie talk about HER interests). I might be able to relate some kind of funny or exciting story with something she mentioned. Now and then I might tease her a bit based on something she says. I don't do it a lot, just enough to make things fun. She almost always laughs plays along with it. The thing I know I DON'T do is get flirty. I talk to new girls I meet the same way I talk to new guys I meet with a few subtle differences. This is one thing I'd like advice on - how to be flirty and slightly sexual when talking with a girl. I have seen this thread for days, and all I want do reply is... It takes a good Dacron 50 pound test, a 30' leader, a 200# snap swivel and a bridle rigged dead dolphin. Diamonds don't hurt, either. (Seriously, OP, good luck with your dilemna!) Lol I knew someone would bring that up.
IcemanJB Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 I said that I wouldn't give out my phone number. I'd ask for the girl's number instead. That's a lot more confident since by giving her your number, you're putting the task on her to call you first. By getting her number, you're in control. Every time I've given my number out to a girl, she's called or texted within 1 day. I admittedly don't do that often though. I think who gives the number is irrelevant if there's a connection there. The thing is, YOU'RE the person that approached her anyway, so that says a lot already. What do I talk about? Well, I'll start by asking basic questions - name, where she's from, what she's studying, etc. I can then usually pick up on something she says and get more into that. I could get more into what she does and what she's studying (ie talk about HER interests). I might be able to relate some kind of funny or exciting story with something she mentioned. Now and then I might tease her a bit based on something she says. I don't do it a lot, just enough to make things fun. She almost always laughs plays along with it. The thing I know I DON'T do is get flirty. I talk to new girls I meet the same way I talk to new guys I meet with a few subtle differences. This is one thing I'd like advice on - how to be flirty and slightly sexual when talking with a girl. I like the part about you teasing them. That's a form of flirting IMO, and my favorite thing to do because above all it's FUN, especially when she teases back. I guess I don't know what else to say, since you seem to have the conversation skills. Maybe your body language is bad. Are you giving off nervous signals? Things like fidgeting, being dodgy with your eyes, looking down a lot, etc. Find something you can use to your advantage, and just work on that. For example, I frequently get compliments on my eyes, so I've learned how to look at girls that I really like. At times I can literally see them disarming and get googly-eyed, especially if I've really gotten to know them.
Author EddieN Posted July 13, 2009 Author Posted July 13, 2009 That's what I think might be it - something I'm doing unconsciously with my body language or facial expressions. I remember I was at a party about a month ago and I went out to the back deck for some air. There were just two other guys there. I said hi to them, and they said hi back, but the next thing one of them said was, "Man, are you on something?" I told him no and asked him why he asked. He said, "It's just your pupils are really big...it looks like you're high." I do have big eyes...though I sometimes get compliments about them like you. I guess some like them and others think I'm always stoned. Now that you mention it, I do notice that sometimes when I'm taking a lot I'll look off into space for a few seconds and then regain eye contact again. It's actually a habit I picked up from one teacher I had in hs. I mentioned somewhere else that I sweat a lot in general. When I'm wearing a shirt that shows the sweat stains that could be a turn-off or a false indication that I'm nervous. My longer hair also starts to get frizzy and unkempt when I sweat. And one last thing. I am a bit fidgety due to a medicine I take daily. At any point of the day, if I hold my hand out and look closely, it's vibrating rapidly.
NopeNah Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Didn't read the whole thread but here's what works for me 1. Confidence 2. Indiference( There's always more women!) 3. Looking your best helps!(even though i've picked up more than i can count with a t-shirt,shorts,flipflops,and a ball cap..ohh..but, i wear them SO well!) 4. Be yourself(whats the point of going out with someone on false pretenses/) 5.Confidence(I know that was 1 but it counts alot) 6. Don't be afraid to get shot down(who cares? NEXT!) 7.Escorts NEVER say no! j/k!haha;)
analyzetheworld Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Eddie, the bottom line is this: you have to have confidence in yourself before women are going to be attracted to you. It is good you analyze yourself and think about things...however, don't let this keep you from being happy with yourself. Say to yourself, ok, I'm a work in progress, but I choose to be happy and make the best of what I've got. In relationships (especially with women), it's not what you do but how you do it. You're right, non-verbal communication is huge, but you change your non-verbal communication naturally when you change how you view yourself. If you see yourself as someone who has trouble getting women, that is what your non-verbal communication will show. If, however, you see yourself as a man who may have a few things to learn, but basically a good man at heart and who will do what he can with what he has, that is what will show. It's all about how you see yourself. Once you see yourself with confidence, no matter what is going on circumstantially, you will be seen as confident. With confidence, you can leave a message on a girl's voice mail telling her you'd like to go out. Yet, if you leave it with confidence, you're not wondering if she's going to call you back....you don't care. If she does, great, and you'll get to know her...if she doesn't, oh well, her loss. Get it? It's all about your own attitude about yourself. Don't develop confidence in yourself to date women either. Develop confidence because you want to be confident in yourself. Think of those qualities about yourself that you feel damn right proud of, and begin to see yourself as having value, just because you are you. Not because of what you do, who you know, what you have, etc. In the end, who cares if women like you or not? You like yourself, and have confidence in yourself. Once you can truly say this, women will flock to you. (but as I said before, you should never do it for this reason). Good luck. One other thing I want to mention, that I think is important from reading other messages in this thread is this: don't change yourself for women. If you like playing in a band, then do it, and you will probably meet women as a result; but don't go about playing in a band again just to get women, or you'll be in the same downward-spiral as you are right now. If you don't meet women right away, you'll stop playing in the band. Similarly, you don't have to be rich, pretend to be rich, be suave, or any of that. Just be yourself. In order to be yourself though, you have to know who YOU are. Do some soul searching and discover the things you like most about yourself, and then dwell on those things for the next few weeks. Replace negative self talk with positive dwelling on those positive traits about yourself. Replace negative habitual thoughts with positive ones, and you will be astounded at how many things will take care of themselves, without you even having to try to do anything in addition to that.
IcemanJB Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 ^^^There is some good, solid advice in the above post. Eddie, I suggest you take that to heart.
Author EddieN Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 I agree, a very good post! Just see where I'm coming from though. For most of my young life I have worked on bettering myself. 4.5 years ago I was an obese turd, being bullied constantly at school. I'd come home from miserable days at school and play computer games into the night. I had no friends and was distant from any relatives. During the last 4.5 years, I've become incredibly fit (I went from not being able to complete a mile to running 8-12 miles a day...in just a year!), I've become involved in many activities, I've become more social, more confident to express my thoughts and arguments, and a much better person to be around. I went from being a social hermit to being a successful and rising young man. I have a lot to be confident about. I have done and continue to do things that many people around me don't have the discipline, strength, or smarts to do. I'm just worried that after years of social isolation, some of the behavior I learned during that time still shows itself subtly. So no matter how good I feel about myself, I'll still do things (consciously or unconsciously) that turn people away. Honestly, I know this time of my life is just a temporary ground for me. I'm guaranteed a bright future with the momentum I'm going at. Whether I date a sweet pretty girl in college won't matter in the end. That won't stop me from building my future. But I still feel some desire for it. I can continue to work hard with a hope in mind for something greater in a few years, but my philosophy is why do that when I can have that HOPE and a little bit of sexual and emotional enjoyment during that time too.
analyzetheworld Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 EVERYONE out there feels a bit anxious and a bit nervous around others, it's totally normal. Everyone wonders if their past is somehow "seeping through" for others to see. The thing you've got to realize is that this can either isolate you, or give you common ground with others. You seem to focus on yourself a lot, and to a degree this is good. Like I mentioned before, it is a must that we dwell on our positives and have confidence in ourselves. However, beyond that, give your attention to others. Instead of wondering if the girl you're going to meet is going to like you or not, pay attention to her - ask yourself questions about her. Is she having fun? Does she look like she's stressed out? What do you see when you look into her eyes? Does she seem nervous? This will do two things: First, it will get your analyzing off yourself, so you can start to behave more or less automatically (without censoring your behaviors by thinking about them too much). Secondly, you will show interest in her, and thereby she will reciprocate, and show interest back. When you find the right girl, she won't love you in spite of your past, she'll love you because of it, because the man you are today is a result of that past. So, forget about your past, keep your focus on the present, keep dwelling on your positive traits and qualities, and put your attention on others.
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