What does it take to hook a girl?

[EddieN]

Let me just say that I'm feeling a little more depressed right now due to family issues going on, so it might come off in my writing.

 

I'm depressed about a number of things, but lately I've been feeling pretty crappy about girls. Nothing goes my way, and I try, I really do. I can't get girls to go on a single date with me. Very few look at me or smile, and when one comes along that does and I get her number and call her, she doesn't call back (I was sure this one girl from this class I had liked me, so I called her and asked her out via voicemail a few days ago...still no response ).

 

All I need is for a girl to give me a look and maybe return a smile when I smile at her. That's all I need to approach! But I very very rarely get that. I smile at a girl and she quickly turns her head. When I have that window of opportunity to approach a girl after class or something, she always cuts it short by making a call on her cell.

 

I'm not creepy, so I have no idea why this happens. People also say I'm attractive and that I have a very nice and warm smile...sometimes random people out of my dating pool (older women). The way some of my friends' girlfriends talk about me, they think I'm a player of sorts!

 

Truth is, I suck with girls and I don't know why. If I'm not creepy, look attractive, and am presentable, why on earth would so many girls be so unapproachable?

 

I was in the gym today, minding my own business at one of the benches. These two girls come right next to me and start doing some exercise. I looked over at one and was very attracted to her. We made eye contact and I gave her a little smile. Immediately she said something to her friend (I had headphones on) and they both left. This happens all the time and I have no idea why. I'm starting to think I always have this raincloud floating over me or a curse or something.

[SRTtoZ]

Last thing you want to do is come off as the creep...Most of these attractive girls get hit on/picked up DAILY!...so they are used to it and have a sheild up. You need to not be like every other guy and do something different. You need to be unique. Thats the key to attraction.

[EddieN]

Last thing you want to do is come off as the creep...Most of these attractive girls get hit on/picked up DAILY!...so they are used to it and have a sheild up. You need to not be like every other guy and do something different. You need to be unique. Thats the key to attraction.

 

I don't know about daily with some of these girls, but I wouldn't be surprised if they had a lot of options. Keep in mind though that not every girl I approach or try to flirt with is stunningly beautiful. I'm always attracted to them, but some aren't the types that would have to beat men off with a bat. A lot of them are shy types.

 

I think I'm unique. That's kind of what I'm saying - there's nothing wrong with me. I'm a smart guy, likes to laugh and smile, can make other laughs, is fit, tall, and not bad looking. I have a wide variety of passions, from athletics to music to acting to writing to scientific research. I'm far from perfect, but I'm perfectly capable of dating girls. I'll go to the gym and hang out with my athlete friends and then later that night jam in a band with grungy musician friends and have a few beers with them.

 

It just doesn't happen with dating, though, and I don't know why.

[Surfer Dude]

Stop complaining right now.

 

What exactly have you done to meet new girls and create attraction? You probably got a couple of #s, chicks flaked for whatever reason and now you're feeling like ****. It's a numbers game for the most part. Skills are important only later on when you've already established contact.

 

I'm telling you man, you can do this if you put your mind to it. You don't need the situation to be perfect to approach. You don't need approach invitations from them. Just approach, open them and be relaxed. Don't go in with the mindset "I need to lay this chick asap", but rather "I am meeting a new friend and seeing if she's cool enough to be a part of my life". Our mindsets define the reality we experience. And your whole dating/potential gf expectations cause you to become too outcome-focused and then you get nervous, weird out and fumble. Suspend your expectations first.

 

And believe it or not, but chicks can smell neediness and desperation.

 

Also, never ask a chick out. You don't go and say "will you go out with me?" because that forces her to create a preliminary judgment of who you are and what you want (when attraction still hasn't been created), and that will cause her to freak out. While a small minority of women like directness, with most of them you have to go under the radar. They will know you want to screw them (they always do) but since you are indirect and haven't verbalized it, they will rationalize that this isn't the case, so that they don't feel like sluts.

 

You can tell her "hey, I've discovered a totally new cafe/bar/club, you should meet me there, I'll tell you some exciting stories of crazy things I've done lately and we'll hang out". No pressure and no expectations.

 

As for the approach itself, most women get hit on dozens of times a week by complete morons. That causes women to develop shields to fend off these lamers. However, that doesn't mean they are bitches deep down. They just needed to find a way to screen quality men from all the lamers. And the best way to bring down the bitch shield is to be unaffected by it and bust her balls and joke around till she becomes cool.

 

Also, never waste your time calling them and texting them multiple times. If there's no answer, they are time wasters and flakes. Cut your losses and move on to new prospective "friends"

[motive2002]

Stop complaining right now.

 

What exactly have you done to meet new girls and create attraction? You probably got a couple of #s, chicks flaked for whatever reason and now you're feeling like ****. It's a numbers game for the most part. Skills are important only later on when you've already established contact.

 

I'm telling you man, you can do this if you put your mind to it. You don't need the situation to be perfect to approach. You don't need approach invitations from them. Just approach, open them and be relaxed. Don't go in with the mindset "I need to lay this chick asap", but rather "I am meeting a new friend and seeing if she's cool enough to be a part of my life". Our mindsets define the reality we experience. And your whole dating/potential gf expectations cause you to become too outcome-focused and then you get nervous, weird out and fumble. Suspend your expectations first.

 

And believe it or not, but chicks can smell neediness and desperation.

 

Also, never ask a chick out. You don't go and say "will you go out with me?" because that forces her to create a preliminary judgment of who you are and what you want (when attraction still hasn't been created), and that will cause her to freak out. While a small minority of women like directness, with most of them you have to go under the radar. They will know you want to screw them (they always do) but since you are indirect and haven't verbalized it, they will rationalize that this isn't the case, so that they don't feel like sluts.

 

You can tell her "hey, I've discovered a totally new cafe/bar/club, you should meet me there, I'll tell you some exciting stories of crazy things I've done lately and we'll hang out". No pressure and no expectations.

 

As for the approach itself, most women get hit on dozens of times a week by complete morons. That causes women to develop shields to fend off these lamers. However, that doesn't mean they are bitches deep down. They just needed to find a way to screen quality men from all the lamers. And the best way to bring down the bitch shield is to be unaffected by it and bust her balls and joke around till she becomes cool.

 

Also, never waste your time calling them and texting them multiple times. If there's no answer, they are time wasters and flakes. Cut your losses and move on to new prospective "friends"

 

Wow, spoken like a true Don Juan! Don't mind me I'm taking some notes

[EddieN]

Hey Surfer, thanks for the response.

 

First, let me just say that I don't think I'm desperate or needy, though it might seem like through text. I have a crapload on my plate right now and going out with girls will just be another thing to do...but I would obviously enjoy it. I get to thinking about this stuff when it's a Thursday or Friday night after a long tough week and I wonder what can I do to improve. I'm not complaining or looking for sympathy. My life is content without dating, but these nights would be a bit more enjoyable for me and a lucky girl. That's all I'm saying.

 

Second, every time I get the balls to approach a girl, my goal is to just let her know I exist, not to lay her.

 

I've actually considered being more direct, according to certain people's advice. In cases where I periodically see a girl in a class or some other place, I'll go a week or two, usually talking to her a bit every day. Then once I feel right, I'll ask her to get lunch or coffee sometime with me. I don't mention the words "go out" or "date." I'll say something like, "So after class tomorrow I was thinking of getting lunch as (some lunch place). You wanna come and hang out for a bit?"

 

That's my approach with most girls. When it's in a non-periodic one time situation, I'll use the same level of casualness, but I'll suggest meeting up to hang out when I say goodbye to the girl or ask for her number.

 

I never call/text again until I get a response. Believe me, one thing I'm good at is cutting my loses and not feeling bad about any one girl.

 

It just sucks that it happens so often. I wouldn't even mind if it happened 9 out of 10 times, because I would have that one instance where I had some success. Thing is, though, I very rarely have success, and when I do either I or her lose interest after one meet up.

 

2 years ago when I was first really exposed to girls, I got nervous the first few times I tried hitting on one. That nervousness went away with time. I can honestly say that I feel totally fine and confident when talking to a girl I like. I might not portray that feeling accurately on the outside though. People seem to occasionally misinterpret how I truly feel, in a negative way usually. That in itself could be a source of my problems - I feel good and confident but my body language might say otherwise.

[BobSacamento]

I wouldn't say "hang out." I'd only say "hang out" if you want a friend.

[hoping2heal]

If you are so confident, why are you asking girls out via a voice mail?

[Blackfrost]

Stop complaining right now.

 

What exactly have you done to meet new girls and create attraction? You probably got a couple of #s, chicks flaked for whatever reason and now you're feeling like ****. It's a numbers game for the most part. Skills are important only later on when you've already established contact.

 

I'm telling you man, you can do this if you put your mind to it. You don't need the situation to be perfect to approach. You don't need approach invitations from them. Just approach, open them and be relaxed. Don't go in with the mindset "I need to lay this chick asap", but rather "I am meeting a new friend and seeing if she's cool enough to be a part of my life". Our mindsets define the reality we experience. And your whole dating/potential gf expectations cause you to become too outcome-focused and then you get nervous, weird out and fumble. Suspend your expectations first.

 

And believe it or not, but chicks can smell neediness and desperation.

 

Also, never ask a chick out. You don't go and say "will you go out with me?" because that forces her to create a preliminary judgment of who you are and what you want (when attraction still hasn't been created), and that will cause her to freak out. While a small minority of women like directness, with most of them you have to go under the radar. They will know you want to screw them (they always do) but since you are indirect and haven't verbalized it, they will rationalize that this isn't the case, so that they don't feel like sluts.

 

You can tell her "hey, I've discovered a totally new cafe/bar/club, you should meet me there, I'll tell you some exciting stories of crazy things I've done lately and we'll hang out". No pressure and no expectations.

 

As for the approach itself, most women get hit on dozens of times a week by complete morons. That causes women to develop shields to fend off these lamers. However, that doesn't mean they are bitches deep down. They just needed to find a way to screen quality men from all the lamers. And the best way to bring down the bitch shield is to be unaffected by it and bust her balls and joke around till she becomes cool.

 

Also, never waste your time calling them and texting them multiple times. If there's no answer, they are time wasters and flakes. Cut your losses and move on to new prospective "friends"

 

Dude! that was some epic advice right there.

[EddieN]

I wouldn't say "hang out." I'd only say "hang out" if you want a friend.

 

I'm a bit confused now.

 

Surfer and other guys have said that you want to be casual, but when you're too casual, you're friendzoned.

 

I've never really been friend zoned by girls I wanted to date, and if I did I didn't notice (which shows that I didn't care too much to begin with!). I think I do a good job at distinguishing myself as a guy who wants to date instead of just another friend. If I was just another friend, these girls would be treating me more like friends do...ie wanting to hang out but just as friends.

 

That doesn't happen. I have girls I hang out with, but I think of them as friends and am not trying to get in their pants.

[EddieN]

If you are so confident, why are you asking girls out via a voice mail?

 

...because they didn't answer the phone?

 

I think it's pretty common that when someone doesn't answer, you leave a message saying what you wanted to tell them. Am I wrong?

[runner]

...because they didn't answer the phone?

 

I think it's pretty common that when someone doesn't answer, you leave a message saying what you wanted to tell them. Am I wrong?

 

in this case, yes

 

voicemail is for 9 to 5 business mate.

[BobSacamento]

I'm a bit confused now.

 

Surfer and other guys have said that you want to be casual, but when you're too casual, you're friendzoned.

 

I've never really been friend zoned by girls I wanted to date, and if I did I didn't notice (which shows that I didn't care too much to begin with!). I think I do a good job at distinguishing myself as a guy who wants to date instead of just another friend. If I was just another friend, these girls would be treating me more like friends do...ie wanting to hang out but just as friends.

 

That doesn't happen. I have girls I hang out with, but I think of them as friends and am not trying to get in their pants.

 

Ok, I just see "hang out" as something I do with my friends. It's a term I use when I have zero plans and don't expect anything to be planned. The most it would involve is beers and a game on the TV. So if I ask a girl if she wants to hang out I think it makes me sound like I want to put as little effort in as possible.

 

But now I'm just getting into semantics. Anyway, if your clear than no prob bob.

[EddieN]

in this case, yes

 

voicemail is for 9 to 5 business mate.

 

What? Really? I honestly don't see anything wrong with calling a girl, not getting an answer, and then leaving a message like, "Hey ___, just calling to see how you're doing and if you're busy this weekend. I was thinking of doing ____ if you wanted to join me. Give me a call back when you can."

 

And I don't see how leaving a voicemail like that correlates to having little confidence. I'm not directly asking her out there, just bringing up the possibility and telling her to call me to discuss it further. What's wrong with that?

 

What's the alternative, keep calling until you get an answer?

 

Ok, I just see "hang out" as something I do with my friends. It's a term I use when I have zero plans and don't expect anything to be planned. The most it would involve is beers and a game on the TV. So if I ask a girl if she wants to hang out I think it makes me sound like I want to put as little effort in as possible.

 

But now I'm just getting into semantics. Anyway, if your clear than no prob bob.

 

Then what terminology do you use?

[runner]

What? Really? I honestly don't see anything wrong with calling a girl, not getting an answer, and then leaving a message like, "Hey ___, just calling to see how you're doing and if you're busy this weekend. I was thinking of doing ____ if you wanted to join me. Give me a call back when you can."

 

logically, i suppose this works ... for some people. this is how i approach my guy friends.

 

And I don't see how leaving a voicemail like that correlates to having little confidence. I'm not directly asking her out there, just bringing up the possibility and telling her to call me to discuss it further. What's wrong with that?

 

um, it isn't very sexy. "to discuss it further" ?? not very romantic either.

 

What's the alternative, keep calling until you get an answer?

 

i might try once or twice again, but if she still doesn't pick up, i'll take that as a blow-off and pursue someone else.

[Surfer Dude]

Ok, on the whole directness issue.

 

You're right, you need to do anything you can to avoid friend zone. But there's a difference between directness and stating your intentions.

 

Statement of intent is necessary because she has to know the score early on. You can state your intentions simply by doing basic flirting or some physical contact. SOI is necessary because it sets you in the lover territory, instead of friend territory. If you don't SOI properly, and let's say you try to escalate your relationship, she will freak out. Imagine taking your best female friend to a coffee shop and then trying to F her. It would lead to the very same "freakout" reaction. You can't try to creep your way in with "friendship".

 

But when asking a chick out, you can still be telling big dick jokes and what not, as long as you don't ASK her out per se, which leads to freakouts with many chicks. Dinners, movies etc put pressure and expectations on them. And they put you in the supplication frame (buying her time and attraction with commodities). That's what all the lamers do. I see you did this right, by asking her to meet up with you casually.

 

Remember... state your intentions but never go directly with the whole "dating" business because it reeks of neediness and desperation.

I know it seems counter intuitive and almost absurd, but it makes sense really.

 

Keep playing the numbers game... you'll get results eventually.

[espec10001]

You want to know what hooks a girl?

 

Guys can get hooked to girls easily, because as guys we fall for how they look most of the time. And girls DO spend a TON of time looking pretty for us.

 

So you gotta consider what girls fall for, and thats SOUND. Music music music dude. You can be the bird singing your song, and she's the bee. The birds and the bees, get it?

 

You want to get a girl 'hooked', that is no easy task. Takes a lot of hard work and dedication to the craft of music.

 

You want to hook a chick, learn to play an acoustic guitar and sing to her, but be sincere! They spend a LOT of time LOOKING good, so you should spend a LOT of time SOUNDING good!

 

You can only get what you give, understand?

[Thaddeus]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but this assertion deserves a response:

And girls DO spend a TON of time looking pretty for us.

No, women don't spend a lot of time and money and effort to look good for men - they do it to look better than other women. That they happen to look good for men is just a result of circumstances, but make no mistake, competition between women in hair, shoes, nails, makeup, clothing and whatnot is a blood sport.

 

So don't be deluded that women make themselves up to look pretty for men. They don't. They want to look better than other women.

[espec10001]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but this assertion deserves a response:No, women don't spend a lot of time and money and effort to look good for men - they do it to look better than other women. That they happen to look good for men is just a result of circumstances, but make no mistake, competition between women in hair, shoes, nails, makeup, clothing and whatnot is a blood sport.

 

So don't be deluded that women make themselves up to look pretty for men. They don't. They want to look better than other women.

 

Umm, what planet are you from? Unless they are a lesbian, they aren't trying to attract other girls, they are trying to attract guys. And they want to look better than other women because it attracts the guys that are better than the other men.

 

The birds and the bees man!

[Thaddeus]

Unless they are a lesbian, they aren't trying to attract other girls, they are trying to attract guys.

It's got nothing to do with attracting anyone. It's got to do with being better than someone else.

 

Here's an example that you've probably seen play out before:

 

A woman goes to a party. While at the party she sees another woman there in exactly the same dress. Ice-dagger glances are exchanged between the two women. (Gawd, this is funny to watch, too!) Eventually one of them may leave, go home, change and come back. Or maybe borrow a sweater or something.

 

Women are extremely competitive when it comes to this sort of thing.

 

Contrast that with a situation where two guys show up wearing the same suit. They'll probably approach each other, compliment the other on their taste in suits, then have a beer and a few laughs. There's no competition between them; that they happened to wear the same colour/style of suit is just a humorous coincidence.

 

Anyway, I'm hijacking the thread... sorry about that.

[espec10001]

It's got nothing to do with attracting anyone. It's got to do with being better than someone else.

 

Here's an example that you've probably seen play out before:

 

A woman goes to a party. While at the party she sees another woman there in exactly the same dress. Ice-dagger glances are exchanged between the two women. (Gawd, this is funny to watch, too!) Eventually one of them may leave, go home, change and come back. Or maybe borrow a sweater or something.

 

Women are extremely competitive when it comes to this sort of thing.

 

Contrast that with a situation where two guys show up wearing the same suit. They'll probably approach each other, compliment the other on their taste in suits, then have a beer and a few laughs. There's no competition between them; that they happened to wear the same colour/style of suit is just a humorous coincidence.

 

Anyway, I'm hijacking the thread... sorry about that.

 

And why are they concerned with one looking like the other? Because the Queen Bee at this event wants to assert her dominance, they do not want the man they are trying to attract to be confused about who the queen bee is.

[Thaddeus]

And why are they concerned with one looking like the other? Because the Queen Bee at this event wants to assert her dominance, they do not want the man they are trying to attract to be confused about who the queen bee is.

OK, I see we disagree on this, and that's perfectly cool.

 

Back to the regularly scheduled thread...

[Bayern]

I don't think I could give anymore advice than has already been given. Good luck, though.

[Untouchable_Fire]

All I need is for a girl to give me a look and maybe return a smile when I smile at her. That's all I need to approach! But I very very rarely get that. I smile at a girl and she quickly turns her head. When I have that window of opportunity to approach a girl after class or something, she always cuts it short by making a call on her cell.

 

There is absolutely no poor quality that a man can have that cannot be made up for with money! If you want lots of female attention... have lots of $$$.

 

So, with that in mind. Wear expensive clothes, Drive an expensive car... ect.

 

If you seem rich, you can't seem creepy. At worst they will think of you as eccentric.

[bac]

go on dating sites there are tons of girls