Could this be solved or just let it go.... All suggestions or comments appreciated.

[Stockholm]

Ok, so I posted a thread earlier about the relationship I had with a guy for 14 months. You can read the story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190419/

 

I thought I was over this guy. He asked for a break 2 months ago and we didn't really communicate during that time. I picked up all my stuff and that was it. Well, when we finally spoke for the first time on the phone 1 1/2 week ago I told him straight up how I feel, that it was bad attitude to take a break and just leave my hanging in the air. I also refused to discuss what happened in detail. He also said that he reads my blog and that I seem much more happier & more open now, which is true.

 

After we talked I wrote in my blog that this was the best thing that could happen that we are no longer together. At that time I felt so. Also I wrote that i no longer care, which I guess was a lie.

 

After that he refused to communicate with me & ignored all my messages. I told him in a message that I need him as a friend, I really do. I'm not American and he was my best friend in NYC. We did everything together. I even extended my visa and got a new job to partly stay here for him.

 

Three days ago we had a long talk at the messenger for 1 1/2 hour about our relationship and what happened. I really felt that it was ****ty attitude from him to ask for a break, knowing that he would go on several concerts & a music festival over some weeks. For me it seemed as if he wanted to meet a new person. For him he just wanted a break to clear his head out and see id he wanted to be with me.

 

He also moved into an apartment with two girls at this time, that he didn't know at the point he moved in. He simply couldn't find any roommates and these two what was offered. He also had a really bad experience with his male roommate and just needed to get out. Basically the roommate situation, his job, depression and everything at the time was just upside down.

 

Well, when I spoke to him he said that he felt that I didn't care enough about him. That in a relationship you are supposed to think the other person is the most important person ever and that I never loved him. It's not true that I didn't love him, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him for all this time and this is killing me. I know now that I should had treated him better, supported him as he supported me and just truly appreciated what we had together. It was my fault. I took it for granted.

 

Also he said that I never tried enough with his friends. I did try, but they are not the most exciting friends. I also felt that he didn't try with my friends or wanting to go back to my home country to visit and get to know who I am.

 

Anyway, I know he's not good. I should find someone with similar background as me. Still I really want to solve this. I miss him so much. I know that I should had tried more at certain times. I just want to try this again, but how do you bring that up when the person doesn't want to communicate with you? We said some quite not to nice things during that mess conversation Monday.... I just had to vent how I feel, and so did he. I just wish all could be undone though.... I want him back.

 

So, I guess the question here is, should I even give this a try? Just let it go? He seems as if he has no interest in me, still he reads my blog 15 times a day and he hasn't met anyone new. He just seems to believe that I"m not able to "fix" and be more there for him.

 

What should I do?

 

I'm 27 and he's 26 so this was a quite serious relationship.

[Thornton]

I also think asking for a break is a bad thing, because if you can't solve an issue when you're together, how can you ever solve it when you're apart? I would have said: if you need to think about whether you want to be with me, then you obviously don't, so we're either together or apart but there will be no breaks. It's too late for that now of course...

 

You said some things on your blog in anger, and he took them to heart and was probably really hurt and refused to talk to you. But he's being childish if he's still holding that against you, especially if you apologised and admitted you said it in anger. This is something you need to talk about, and he should be able to forgive you for this, especially given that you were hurting at the time because he had effectively dumped you.

 

Were you really not loving and supportive enough, or is that just you beating yourself up? Does he have any real reason to believe you don't really love him? Granted, you may not have tried so much with his friends, but he didn't even go to meet your friends and family... fourteen months is a long time to date without him even bothering to visit your country with you. I think there are faults on both sides here...

 

If you really want to try again, contact him and apologise for your mistakes... but don't be a doormat, he has clearly made some mistakes too. If he's still reading your blog all the time, he's probably still interested, even if he claims not to be, so there's probably a chance for your relationship if you can just persuade him to talk. Have a think about it: if you genuinely love him then try again, but if you think he iosn't right for you then start looking for someone else.

[Stockholm]

Thanks for your reply.

 

Well, he stopped reading my blog. I see the statistic for where we live. Also I did try to convince him. I sent him several messages of how I feel. He claimed that I didn't love him and I wrote to him yesterday:

"It's just wrong and evil to say that I didn't love you. I'm might not have shown it and took you for granted -fine. I'm not trying to argue, just concluding."

He never answered that. Before that I sent a message and apologized for the conversation we had Monday when I went a bit over board. He replied: "It's ok, don't be too hard on youself."

 

I can't stop thinking about him. I love him and I want hm back. He doesn't seem to want me back though. I guess I just have to let it go and move on. It's ad though. 14 months is a long time and I really though our realtionship was going somewhere....

[coolabah]

From what you've said I can't see what you've done wrong. It sounds to me like he's trying to manipulate you into taking responsibility for the failure of the relationship because he doesn't want to. It's natural that he would still be curious about what you're doing (i.e. checking your blog), but it still sounds like he wants out. Don't beat yourself up, just know you deserve better than someone who'll play games like this.

It's hard and scary to accept especially when you're so far from home and you've no one else around. I know, I'm there. Be strong.

[Stockholm]

Thanks for your response. I have really been thinking about what he is doing and I guess manipulate is the best word for it. Blaiming me for this situation.

 

Honestly, I think he is really depressed and pushing away every single person. I cannot do anything about. I have tried everything, wanting to help him and he just doesn't want to deal with me.