SRTtoZ Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Ok I've read a bunch about this and the entire NC thing, which is what im doing...but fact of the matter is I was the one who EFFED UP in this relationship and no she wasnt a SAINT either...but still...I believe its all easily fixable. Ill keep it short. We met online in February, met and hit it off BIG time...started dating. She lives 1 hour from me so we would only see eachother fri/sat/sun and maybe SOMETIMES on Wednesdays. I did everything for her...she loved it...we couldnt stand being away from eachother. We had great sex, great times together, went on trips...it was simply amazing. Then I became very argumental starting little fights because of my own insecurities from a really BAD last relationship. I dated a girl who couldnt be trusted so it kind of wore off on me in this one...but you know how it goes, you dont realize what you were doing until shes gone. Which is what happened... I never said I could change overnight, but I am willing to change for ME, to make myself a better person down the road. She says she thinks I need someone a little more like me, but I disagree because if I treated ANY girl like I did here, I woudlnt be successful in a relationship! I cant let feelings from previous relationships rub off into the next one. I dont believe in destiny but I do believe that shes the one for me, the one that WILL grow old with me...we click on SOOO many levels. My humor is crazy and she gets it...not many people do. In any case she broke up with me a week ago because it was 'just delaying the inevitable'...she says she loves me and Loves to be with me, but I want too much from her. I do do a lot sometimes and expect the same back but I shouldnt...because sometimes thats unreasonable because I do go ABOVE and beyond most people. She said she wants to be alone right now...and I understand that because I just exhausted her. When we woudlnt fight things were simply amazing. I'm def not new to this...ive had plenty of break ups, long relationships, Ive been the dumper a lot too...so I know how this stuff works. But this is different...this is my GIRL...shes the one. I know it. I'm giving her all the space in the world but I almost feel like I NEED to do something. It was only a few weeks ago where we were madly in love sitting in her house, her staring at me and just lookin in my eyes and says to me "I love you like you dont even know"...(and I can tell a fake LOVE from a real one. This was different. Ive said love when I didnt mean it, I think everyone has at one point...but this was different, I have great instincs)...and now we are here, No contact in about 5 days. I have a feeling shes thinking bout me because her Facebook is DEAD (which hardly isnt) and she hasnt changed aim away messages and stuff. We are both 25, grown up and ready to really settle down...So I'm not really sure what to do. Im sooooo impatient. But this is the girl I need to be with..I made her happier than anything in the world when I didnt pick a STUPID ASS FIGHT with her. I need to change for myself...I will. Its time to grow up and realize shes 100% trustworthy and not like the other immature girls ive dated. What to do? what to do?!.... There's so much I left out...but yea I know theres always hope for the future...but I feel like if we saw me we'd get back together and continue what was Great for the longest time. Its only this past month that we fought like no other...I blame myself because I put on 25 lbs while I was with her and was VERY unhappy with the way I looked. Since the past month ive actually lost 20 lbs...so Im getting back to how I looked and am very happy and upbeat. I only sa this because some fights would stem from this "Baby, lets go out with Lisa (her friend) tonight! Ok?!?" and me all looking ugly and FATTER than I should would just want to sit and sulk like an idiot...and stuff my face...But I got back on track. I seem to fall into this thing when I get into a relationship because im very happy. I stop going to the gym, I take the girl out to eat a lot...eat whatever I want etc and put on LBS! Anyway thats over with...our last month together I started working out and finally said to myself its over with the Weight thing...Im going back to how I used to look when we met, when she found me attractive... Ok ill stop rambling... Before we broke up, I did what I shouldnt have...pleaded and said blah blah, ill change....just gimme another chance. But then I realized that would only push her away so I immedietly told her after that that "I agree we should have space, I'm sorry for not listening to you...We do need time apart"...She knows my intentions and knows I want her back...but at the same time I'm moving on just incase... HELP! EDIT:: She had surgery yesterday and its going to take her a few weeks to recover from it, so I guess a good thing for me is shes not going out and partying it up and probably sitting home thinking about everything...Just an FYI lol.
NopeNah Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Sounds like you're on the right track. Also.. the surgery thing, as bad as it sounds, is also to your possible advantage. Goodluck to you!
Author SRTtoZ Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Thanks...I guess that keeps my hopes up. I'm not a religious person so im not the praying type... The thing is...I'm not trying to CON her back into being with me. I mean it...I want her back. I dont NEED her back...I'd be just fine if we didnt get back together again (in time)...But this should happen. As corny as it sounds...This is the one. Ive dated for 10 years...Never have I felt like this for someone...Let alone fight for them Like im doing here.
NopeNah Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I hear ya man! You seem to have a firm grasp on what you need to do here, and are going about it in a good way. Keep it up and see what happens. That's about all you can do at this point. "It is what it is and it do what it do"
Exit Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 You sound exactly like me man. Getting too happy in relationships, leading to laziness, etc. I know one of the main reasons I attracted my (ex) gf was the physical shape I was in. Then once we got together, fast food and watching TV took over. I felt like I didn't need to impress anyone, but I should have stayed in shape for her. I was also the cause of stupid arguing, getting mad when she had to spend time with family, getting mad when she wanted to go out with friends to celebrate, and much like your situation, I was probably basing my feelings on crappy old GFs who I DID have to worry about going out. I don't think my GF ever would have done something behind my back, I should have calmed down and not get jealous all the time. And like you, I begged and pleaded right away the next day, and it's just not believable at that point after the breakup, they can smell the desperation. It's been almost 3 months for me, and I'm still slowly trying to change her mind. She really doesn't want to trust me again, but I am doing my best. I mainly write to her online, it is less pressure than calling or sending a text, it gives her the option of reading it whenever she wants, and there's no chance of an argument breaking out. I've told her the same things, I am changing for ME, not just for her. I don't want to keep losing people I care about because I get lazy and act like a jerk. She's told me to use what I've learned to make someone else happy and I've told her "no, you're my inspiration to make these changes, some other girl doesn't deserve it". As sick as it may sound, you are lucky that she's having surgery lol. Anyways, it may take longer than you think. All the heart-felt explanations in the world may not mean much to her right away. But I'm like you, I know that this love was special, I've been in plenty of relationships, and I've taken breakups hard before, but never where I've been this patient and this understanding of what I did wrong, instead of just letting my ego take over and saying "her loss". You are doing the right thing, she knows your intentions, now give her a little space. And maybe she'll be ready to talk again some day. I wish you luck because your situation is so similar to mine. Try to consider it a win/win, even if they don't come back, we have learned a valuable lesson, I know I can't screw up like this ever again.
Author SRTtoZ Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Damn thats close to my situation. Crazy. Well Im thinking the best way to go about this entire thing is to Start from scratch...I bought a few books on the kinds of things I get mad about and I think maybe I can learn from them...and make a REAL change, not a temporary Change. All in all its not like im a bad person!...Most of the arguments are petty and stupid. Nothing that really makes you not trust the other person, I just dont think before I act sometimes. So Yea I think ill give it some time, get back to how I was and what she was attracted to when she met me, and then start as friends again and build up a NEW relationship with her. Who knows...I guess we'll see.
Exit Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Sounds good! I've been reading books too, and I sent her a little message telling her that. I saw this guy on a PBS special earlier this year talking about controlling your thoughts at your attitude and leading a happier life, and back then I told her I was interested in it, but I never really followed through. So the other day I sent her a message telling her I was reading the book the guy wrote, just to let her know that I'm not "all talk", that I'm really working on it. I think you have a good plan, just try to get back to the state you were in when you attracted her in the first place. Keep us updated!
Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 my situation sounds the same apart from she has an interfering mother who doesnt seem to like me anymore and contacts me direct to say leave her alone and as far as i can gather behind her back. the problem i have is the whole waiting thing, i get so impatient, i will wait any amount of time for her and i know we wont be able to meet up untill end of sept because of her being away but its time that kills me and thinking by sept when shes cooled all the way down even though she says she wants to see each other then i worry she will have changed her mind. i have changed no end for this girl the past year i havnt done anything wrong compaired to the year before. do you really think though with time and space they realise what they had and miss it?
Author SRTtoZ Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 That all depends...when family gets involved its tough. Because you're asking the girl to choose between her mother and you...you NEED to become good with the parents. In my situation the girl has no father (he died when she was young) and lives with her mother. I saw her mother every week and we always had a connection...all of us. If there's one thing I did learn from past relationships its GET IN GOOD With the parents.
Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 we did used to get along really well and was very understanding with everything but now she seems to hate me, and there isnt much i can do to change her mind on the matter. i guess time will tell but that is so so much easier to say than actually think, its like i know im puttng myself on hold untill she comes back to uni and i see her again. the only thing im doing to keep myself occupied is buy a house to let to keep my mind off things and show her that i can be something without her and hopefully she will see this and think hmm he has changed.
Author SRTtoZ Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Well also you dont want her to just THINK you changed...you want to change. Put yourself in different situations. Most people say they will change but its a temporary thing and they go back to their old self. Its more of a lifestyle change than anything.
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