misstwister Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Okay so I've been dating this guy for about seven months now. He's so sweet and is so cool. However, lately the spark has gone and it feels like we are friends instead of bf/gf. Recently, I reconnected with one of my best friends from a long time ago. I've known him since I was eight and he's always been so much fun to hang out with. Now, I'm starting to really like him as more than a friend and I don't know what to do. Do I dump my boyfriend for my best friend. Or do I continue to date him until I figure out what is going on in my heart.
Thornton Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I've been in this situation before, where I was dating a guy and really liked him as a friend but the attraction was no longer there. I even felt like I didn't want to recapture that attraction, I just didn't feel that way about him. Unfortunately, from that point the relationship was doomed. If you really like your bf then you could think of ways to recapture that attraction, to connect as bf/gf... dinner dates, romance, physical intimacy, etc. But if you simply don't feel that way about him, you can't force it... especially if you feel that you want romance and physical intimacy with other men but not with him. If you really don't feel that way about him, the kindest thing is to let him go, and pursue the other guy if you like him more. But your decision to end the relationship should be based on the fact that it isn't working, not on your attraction to someone else.
lilly83 Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 The best thing that you can do is have time out and no contact with either of them for a week or so. The reason that you need to do this is because you need time and space to figure things out. You need to figure out what you really want and how you feel. If you really liked or loved your boyfriend then you would not have feelings for anyone else and you are not being fair on him by spending time with your friend who have you feelings for. Also it is not good to go out with friends, normally it makes things complicated and if things come to a bad end then you would loose a friend and a boyfriend. The time out from your boyfriend may also help you get back the spark. It will give you a chance to miss each other. If you figure out that you want to stay with your boyfriend then arrange to go out and do something different, something fun and exciting and something you will both enjoy. It also maybe worth backing things down a bit with him and spending less time with and having less communication. I.e see each other once or twice a week max, communicate every other day or once a day max so that you have a chance to miss each other. I would say that the first thing to do tho is have that time out with out seeing or speaking to either of them for a week so you can figure out what is best before you get in even more of a mess and before you hurt your boyfriend.
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Okay so I've been dating this guy for about seven months now. He's so sweet and is so cool. However, lately the spark has gone and it feels like we are friends instead of bf/gf. Recently, I reconnected with one of my best friends from a long time ago. I've known him since I was eight and he's always been so much fun to hang out with. Now, I'm starting to really like him as more than a friend and I don't know what to do. Do I dump my boyfriend for my best friend. Or do I continue to date him until I figure out what is going on in my heart. I'm a guy... so I don't understand what you mean when you say that "spark" is lost. It seems really silly to me, but I would guess there is something serious behind it that you just can't name. I really can't provide any insight into that. However, I can say as a guy... I would rather be dumped, than waste my time with a woman who doesn't think I have "spark".
analyzetheworld Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 As a guy, I understand the "spark" completely. I think things that are new just generally seem more interesting than things that are "mundane" and routine (which it seems you and the guy you're dating are at the moment). I think it's really good advice to spend less time together and to see what happens. Oftentimes, you can take someone for granted (or vice-versa) and when you take some time away from that person, you are reminded why you loved them to begin with (this has happened a lot with me and my gf). The real point is that you are with your current bf for a reason....figure out that reason or reasons, and if they are not good enough to keep you together and not date other people, then end it, and find a guy who is. Good luck.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 you women and your sparks good lord slave to your emotions. You guys just started thinking and your thinking of leaving him for someone else. Just like alot of women do these days. Dont give the guy a chance at all.. Look if your not feeling him anymore just say so, and be honest because women like you can never be satisfied unless your emotions are satiated. And that is no mere feat!
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