BassAddict Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 To make a long story as short as i can. Together 6 years divorced for 4 of them. It has been an on and off relationship since the divorce. Okay hear it goes: I met her at work, we started dating. Dated for bout a month, Got married. A old friend which is not now told me that i needed to becareful of her because she will walk all over you. For some reason and still to this day what he told me is still in my head. Everytime we had a fight or arguement it got voilent.(alcohol) I did some really bad things to her and she always forgave me. I've cheated on her, got another woman pregnant and she still stood behind me through thick n thin. Sorry got a million things running through my head, almost like im rambling. But, I moved out so many times, all for stupid reasons. (for instance, her oldest son drink a case of coke a day). I would tell her about it and she said i pay for it, he can drink it. Fine i moved again. I've been gone this time for 3 years, still seeing each other. Now The past 3 months she started acting different and of course me being the dummy and not catching on to what was happening. She calls me at 4 a.m. and tells me that she slept with a guy and she's sorry. Then she asks me to come up and see her because he didnt satify her. Well i went to her house nothing happened. I cannot do that with her after 2 hours from being with him. So now she tells me bout this other guy. Well she's been seeing him for 2 years and she's in love with him, but she loves me to. She tells me he's funny and makes her laugh and doesnt care what she does. I on the other hand. Keep her grounded and she needs that to. She's 38 and now decided it's time to party and have a good time, while her 17 old son watches our son every night. There is so much more i can say but this board would be bogged down forever. Why am i so screwed up about this woman? I know she's moving on. And sometimes i wonder if she is not on one of these forums from the things she has told me recently. Sorry rambling again. Im starting church sunday and my mom is comeing to live with me for a bit plus got a threapy session on August 12. These are all for me to work on myself. Anything else i can do to get over what im feeling. NC for 3 days now. Im sure im making no sense. just overwhelmed is all.
2sure Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Im starting church sunday and my mom is comeing to live with me for a bit plus got a threapy session on August 12. These are all for me to work on myself. Anything else i can do to get over what im feeling. NC for 3 days now. Im sure im making no sense. just overwhelmed is all. You are both train wrecks. You know that right? Its OK , Ive been one myself. All you can DO is fix you, and you know that. When you start having success fixing yourself...you are not going to miss her. Period. Now...what are you going to do about the kids?
Author BassAddict Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 She has 3 kids all by different men. the 17 year old he's dad has nothing to do with him. a 11 year girl, dad has nothing to do with her. Her and I have a 6 year old. she want me to see him at her house. and he's convinced that the way it should be. He rather stay at home and play xbox or the computer. So im not sure off hand. Im not wanting to create any waves till i get my life sorted out if it's even possible. I take meds just to keep my sanity at this time.
2sure Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Well, certainly working on yourself is best for the kids...even if they are not with you. Becoming stable is what they need from you. What I said is true though. Once you clean up your act, become emotionally stable....you are not going to miss the distraction and drama of the lifestyle you shared with your ex or even her at all. You miss her now because you have a comfort level with her. Her dysfunction matches your dysfunction. I know you fight , but really you go back to each other not out of love, but the comfort of acceptance for dysfunction. When you are no longer a train wreck...you are not going to miss it.
Author BassAddict Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 2Sure, thanks for all your input. It has been a crazy ride for sure. (for both of us, im sure). At this moment she's stronger than I am. Im wanting to be the old me before all this craziness happened. I've gave all my stuff away even. Just kept my pc. I've lost my mind i guess.
2sure Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I have to say: You sound Good. You sound like you have taken a good look at your life and are taking real steps to change it. Most people dont get that far. Its just baby steps you know, but they do , they add up. Soon you will look back and say "Wow, I am so far from where I was". The tricky part, when you reach rock bottom...is to NOT KEEP DIGGING.
Author BassAddict Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 I dont want to keep digging. I dont have any finger nails left:D
2sure Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I can tell you are a smart guy. You have a sense of humor about yourself, you are articulate, and you see it the way it is. The bottom is no place for you.
Author BassAddict Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 2sure, Again thanks. U made my day. I'll have a better evening at work tonight. U take care:)
sedgwick Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Okay, this is just weird. I clicked on this post because the guy who dumped me is a bass player and his excuse for dumping me was that I am not also a musician. Then I saw that you were from NWA, which is where I grew up (don't live there anymore, and my ex isn't from there, but still.) Someone's bass addiction ruined my relationship. Sheesh. That said, if you were ever physically abusive to her at all, in any way, she should never have seen or spoken to you again. I cringe to think about the kids that are trying to deal with the two of you as parents. I hope the "other woman" you impregnated can now count on you to be a loving father who doesn't drink or hit her or the child. And I hope the children of the woman of whom you speak never had to witness your violent behavior. Did you really, truly cheat on her, hit her, and then leave her because her kid drank too much soda?!? I swear to god I will never understand men if I live to be 150 years old.
Author BassAddict Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 That said, if you were ever physically abusive to her at all, in any way, she should never have seen or spoken to you again. I cringe to think about the kids that are trying to deal with the two of you as parents. I hope the "other woman" you impregnated can now count on you to be a loving father who doesn't drink or hit her or the child. And I hope the children of the woman of whom you speak never had to witness your violent behavior. Did you really, truly cheat on her, hit her, and then leave her because her kid drank too much soda?!? First off BassAddict stands for Bass as in The fish. Addict, addicted to fishing. No the kids never seen the physical abuse, did i cheat, I moved out when i was seeing the other women but since i talked to them on the phone, guess thats cheating. And drinking of the soda's is just one example of the hundreds that led me to leave. No helping around the house, no helping with yard work, list goes on. And far as my children, I do exactly what the laws tell me to do and them some. I've spent time in jail for what i did with the physical abuse. Went to counseling as well. cost $2400.00 and 4 years probation on top of the jail time.
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