startingover2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I am so confused these days, you hear over and over again what woman supposedly really want from articles on the internet, blogs and magazines articles. But there is just one little problem, the vast majority of the woman I know say they want the complete opposite! I am recently divorced and wanting to get back into the dating game, but to be completly honest, I am scared, I know who I am and what I have to offer but I do not beleive that I pass the test of what woman want. Possitives: I feel that I am a good looking guy, I do need to drop a few pounds as I have gained some weight during my marriage. I am gainfully employed and can pay all of my bills. I have a nice apartment and a vahicle that is paid for. I have always been the funny one and everyone has told me they wish they had my personality. I have worked in sales my entire adult life and confidence is something I do not lack yet I can not get a woman to look at me as anything other than a nice guy, great friend and the dreaded "Your like a brother to me" Negatives: I make enough money to pay my bills and not live in a slum, yet I am not rolling in money. My vehicle is paid for but is not an expensive luxury or sports car. I have a good job but it isn't glamorous by any means. I am what I consider short, 5 ' 7" and need to drop a few extra pounds. I am honestly the type of guy that would easly get lost in a crowd, nothing about be makes me stand out Here is my question, according to what the experts say "what woman really want" I fit the bill, yet I sit at home dateless week in and week out. So Tell me, "What do woman really want"?
Thaddeus Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 First of all, even Dr Freud couldn't untangle it, what choice do we mere mortals have? I came across this the other day on a different website and thought it might be worth sharing here: --------------------------- Given my 50 years of being a man in a woman's world - and make no mistake, it is a woman's world - this is what I've concluded: They want honesty, except when they ask, "Do I look fat in these pants?" They want clarity but expect men to read their minds. They want communication but will often say, "Fine" when you ask them if something's wrong (and you KNOW there's something wrong but they won't tell you what it is). They want sex but will often make a man jump through innumerable hoops (a process by which women objectify themselves, then they puzzle because they get treated poorly). They want a "bad boy" and are then heart-broken when Mr Bad Boy treats them like dirt. They want affection, but show it too often and they'll feel smothered. They want freedom, but leave them too long and they'll think you've lost interest. They want equality, but insist that the man always makes the first move, asks for the first date, pay for outings, etc. They want chocolate, then they'll complain because they're putting on weight. They want love, but they'll be satisfied with a HUGE diamond ring. They want 100% of their man, but will always keep a part of themselves that a man can never reach. And, of course, what they want can change from hour to hour, minute to minute. Best way to deal: Be yourself. Be strong, be confident (not arrogant), be a leader, be a man. Don't bend yourself into a pretzel trying to figure out what they want because most of the time they don't know what they want themselves. --------------------------- True or not? I don't know. But the part that made the most sense to me was the last sentence.
a4a Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Each woman is an individual. No two women want the exact same things. I think that is where men get very very confused. Give me a man with ambition, good work ethic, logic, and decent looks and of course a decent sex drive and I would be happy. Some might like a man that cries at Lifetime movies or one that smacks her around and screws her best friend. Good Intentions are not Good Actions BTW....... just a reminder to men who might be looking for tips.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 If you think women don't know what they want, you are already starting off on a footing that is negative. When I hear men say such things, i think they must think women ares stupid then unable to understand themselves. Which isn't the case at all. The fact is every woman is different. I do know that not being super rich, super tall or super anything, does not make you a bad relationship prospect. Women want to feel "excited", "special", and loved. Being stable is fanastic, but they are not the things that make a woman give you her heart. Being a good man is important. Being a good man who sparkes feeling inside a woman is key. And that's going to be different for all women. Don't make the mistake that just because you are good on paper, that you should have someone by now. There are alot of "good on paper" women out there too that get passed over. It comes down to how you treat her and how you make her feel. And really, it's the same for men. Men want excitement. Not someone who can fold laundry really good.
torranceshipman Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I think that JerseyShortie nailed it with that reply...I totally agree with what she said. I don't get why you said you're what the experts say that a woman wants, though...since when did women generally get perceived to want a guy that disappears in a crowd? I don't get that - I don't think women want that at all. Maybe you are confusing that with stability? They DO want that but a bunch of other stuff too. My recommendation - you sound really cool and like you're a good catch, but what's the harm in making yourself stand out a little more? Maybe have a bit of a wardrobe overhaul and experiment with a sharper way of dressing, get down the gym and get in really great shape...so on and so forth. This WILL make a difference. Shallow, yea, but both genders do it and I guess we can all only start with 1st impressions and something that catches our eye in the first place...then if both people have some substance, something great can happen from there, when you've got to know eachother a bit better.
Thaddeus Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Good Intentions are not Good Actions BTW Bingo. Intentions are meaningless. You are judged - rightly or wrongly - by your actions.
Author startingover2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Thanks for the input....I do agree with what is said, my only thing is that I have not even had the opportunity to show who I am or light that spark. I get passed over and do not even get a chance to show who I am or what I am capably of offering.
Thaddeus Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I get passed over and do not even get a chance to show who I am or what I am capably of offering. This is an important insight. When you say you get "passed over," what sort of man are you getting passed over for? That is, what do you think it is about the other guy that he gets the attention from the woman and you don't?
Author startingover2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Very good question! As I stated in the initial post, I am average, nothing spectacular about me. I am the kind of guy that would easly get lost in a crowd. I feel that when woman look at me they just see me as a friend, not as someone they would want to date. I have been told a million times by a million woman that I am handson and good looking, that any woman would be lucky to be with me but I have never once that I can remember ever been called HOT, SEXY, A BAD BOY, FINE, etc. That is what seems to be the guys woman are attracted to, in fact every woman I have ever dated including my ex wife never saw me as someone they wanted to date until after we became friends and then they could see who I truly was. But as I stated before, you have to get them to want to date you before you can show them who you really are.
Surfer Dude Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Jersey told the truth. Pay attention. Money and financial security is nice for a woman to have, but she isn't ATTRACTED to these things. Women are attracted to passion, excitement, emotional fulfillment, mindblowing orgasms (among other things). Forget having a nice car, job, apartment... these things don't matter as much. You can simply skip all these hoops and take a direct path in accordance with nature. Give women excitement, passion and good sex and they will thank you for it.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 As I stated in the initial post, I am average, nothing spectacular about me. I am the kind of guy that would easly get lost in a crowd. I think this attitude is what's holding you back. Everybody has SOMETHING special about them. It's just like in the workplace -- you need to become "famous" for a certain set of qualities. Are you the guy who can turn work around super fast? Are you rock solid and reliable? Are you great at persuading people to your way of thinking? What is going to bring people to you time and again? On a personal level, what is it about you that sets you apart? You mentioned your great personality. Show it off! I would rather be with a guy who's charming, intelligent, funny, and intellectually stimulating, who isn't physically perfect, over a chiselled beefcake with nothing interesting to say ANYDAY. Also, I recommend reading How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's full of great advice that you can apply to any interpersonal situation.
Thaddeus Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Based on my somewhat limited experience, there are a couple of observations I've been able to make about dating in general: What women say they respond to and what they actually do respond to can be wildly different things. Many will say they're looking for stability, someone who loves them, respect and all the rest. Then these very same women are drawn to the "bad boy" who's the polar opposite of that. I've seen this happen over and over and over again. Like it or not, and believe it or not, money matters. You don't have to be Warren Buffet to get a woman's attention, but you do have to be able to prove that you can be a good provider. You think that Bill Gates attracted Melinda because he's 'hot'? Key factor is confidence. Someone once said, "In order to get her, you're going to have to run the risk of losing her." Lavishing a woman with too much attention is the kiss of death. While women my think they like to be put on a pedestal, the reality is that it comes off as clingy. And who wants a clingy partner? Being a "nice guy" is a one-way ticket to the friend-zone. By all means, be respectful and dignified, but you'll have to maintain an edge. As soon as you hear, "I like you as a friend" or "You're like a brother to me," it's game over. Just my $0.02.
a4a Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Jersey told the truth. Pay attention. Money and financial security is nice for a woman to have, but she isn't ATTRACTED to these things. Women are attracted to passion, excitement, emotional fulfillment, mindblowing orgasms (among other things). Forget having a nice car, job, apartment... these things don't matter as much. You can simply skip all these hoops and take a direct path in accordance with nature. Give women excitement, passion and good sex and they will thank you for it. True these things don't matter much when you are 20 -28 years old. Eventually pushing a guys car so he can pop the clutch to start it just isn't romantic or hot to a woman. However, if you were a hot cabana boy used for just weekend fun your ideals would apply.
Surfer Dude Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 True these things don't matter much when you are 20 -28 years old. Eventually pushing a guys car so he can pop the clutch to start it just isn't romantic or hot to a woman. However, if you were a hot cabana boy used for just weekend fun your ideals would apply. There are tons of 30+ women who are bored to death in their boring, monogamous marriages based on materialism, without a shred of excitement and passion. No wonder they begin screwing shirtless pool boys and coworkers after a while Money is nice for a while, but it gets old real soon.
2sure Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Money is nice for a while, but it gets old real soon. Yes. Not as soon as you think though.
Thaddeus Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Money is nice for a while, but it gets old real soon. Well, money may not buy happiness, but it will allow you to pull up alongside it. In your yacht. Money is a tool, a means to an end, and the end is having a lifestyle in which you are free to do as you please. So while money cannot fix every problem, poverty isn't any better. "I've been rich and I've been poor. Believe me, honey, rich is better." - Sophie Tucker
alphamale Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 So Tell me, "What do woman really want"? dude i really don't know. if i had the answer to that question i'd be a trillionaire
a4a Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 There are tons of 30+ women who are bored to death in their boring, monogamous marriages based on materialism, without a shred of excitement and passion. No wonder they begin screwing shirtless pool boys and coworkers after a while Money is nice for a while, but it gets old real soon. I tell you women may find a broke passionate guy to be a turn on for a short period of time. But when he is asking her for gas money to go pick up his unemployment check - It aint' so hot. To be attractive a man needs a decent job, a decent living enviroment, and semi decent looks to start with........ then add in individual desires. Again unless he is just a booty call. Then hot and broke are ok. Money cannot buy happiness but it sure as hell helps.
a4a Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 dude i really don't know. if i had the answer to that question i'd be a trillionaire We all want you Alpha! - the elusive male that can never be pleased by any woman. We want to domesticate your wild thing inside! (or die trying)
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I don't know what other women want.. (I don't really care)..but I know what I want.. (and that's important ) I want a guy: who is tall.. (5'10'' - 6' 2'') who is intelligent who is funny who has money (the richer the better.. and yes money makes it much easier to be happier) who has a nice car (and clean, not a rolling garbage bin) who is extremely well groomed.. (smell good, nice style) dark hair (a plus) who is masculine looking (I don't like angel/baby faces)
bac Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 i want the combo of many qualities like looks with no extra-pounds, good erection and libido, some brains, compatable personality, potential to communicate, some money.
funwithpaint Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Based on my somewhat limited experience, there are a couple of observations I've been able to make about dating in general: What women say they respond to and what they actually do respond to can be wildly different things. Many will say they're looking for stability, someone who loves them, respect and all the rest. Then these very same women are drawn to the "bad boy" who's the polar opposite of that. I've seen this happen over and over and over again. Like it or not, and believe it or not, money matters. You don't have to be Warren Buffet to get a woman's attention, but you do have to be able to prove that you can be a good provider. You think that Bill Gates attracted Melinda because he's 'hot'? Key factor is confidence. Someone once said, "In order to get her, you're going to have to run the risk of losing her." Lavishing a woman with too much attention is the kiss of death. While women my think they like to be put on a pedestal, the reality is that it comes off as clingy. And who wants a clingy partner? Being a "nice guy" is a one-way ticket to the friend-zone. By all means, be respectful and dignified, but you'll have to maintain an edge. As soon as you hear, "I like you as a friend" or "You're like a brother to me," it's game over. Just my $0.02. Quoted for TRUTH!
dreamergrl Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 If you think of yourself as just 'average' so will the women. How you present yourself will have a huge impact. If you let yourself get lost in the crowd, you'll stay lost in the crowd. You need to figure out what you feel are your BEST features (physically and mentally) and use them to stand out. No woman is the same as the other. We all want different things. We are all attracted to different traits. There is no one list. Why don't you try a dating site?
Woggle Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Who the hell knows what they want but I would not worry about it. Build your own life up without even thinking about women and they will eventually come.
13arkansas Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Women sure as hell know what they DON'T want. Hope that helps
Recommended Posts