ratingsguy Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 And it's on the table next to her bed. This kind of bothers me a little bit. Should it? Should I say anything to my GF or just let it go? A little background: My GF and her ex were in a year long LDR, which he broke off in May of last year. He was deployed in the Marines and ended the relationship because of the distance and thought she deserved someone who wouldn't be so far away. She was devastated. They are still friends on FB and myspace, but I don't think they speak anymore. That's the short version, but here's the longer version: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t194177/ Thoughts?
Author ratingsguy Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Have you told her that it bothers you? No, only because I'm not sure if I should say anything about it or just let it go.
Thaddeus Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 OK, that helps. I know bringing this sort of thing up can be difficult, because you never know what sort of response you're going to get. My suggestion, for what it's worth, would be to simply tell her clearly and plainly that it bothers you. It's not a deal-breaker, but it's just one of those little irritants. Communicate, my friend, communicate. She cannot read your mind. She may have no idea that it bugs you. Best case scenario: "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't give it a second thought. I'll put it away/throw it out/whatever. Thank you for telling me the truth. Let's have sex." Worst case scenario: "Fark off. I got it from an old flame and I still have feelings for him. I'll do what I want and nobody is going to tell me any different." Most likely scenario is somewhere in the middle: "Sorry it bugs you, but it reminds me of a special time in my life. I'd like to keep it, but maybe I'll put it somewhere else, out of the sanctity of the bedroom. Is that OK?"
Els Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Well, I once saw photos of my bf's ex on his computer (I wasn't 'snooping', it was the first time he'd brought his laptop to my place and he knew I was exploring it). When I asked him about it, he said that he'd entirely forgotten about them, as they were there with a whole jumble of other photos from his college days as well. He offered to delete them, but I told him nevermind, because it just hit me... I realized that I have photos of mine too! For the life of me I can't remember which folder they're in (I'm disorganized like that), but it certainly never struck me to bother to delete them as well. Ditto with a few souvenirs he'd bought me. I swear I just forgot entirely about them, and I don't remember which part of my messy room they're currently stashed in. HOWEVER -- and this is what matters most -- if my bf had ever said it bothered him, I would have discarded them in a blink of an eye. I believe anyone who is truly over their ex should be willing to do so. So yes, talk to her about it if it does bother you, instead of quietly worrying about it. Her response will give you all the answers.
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I wouldn't think it is a red flag.. in my first marriage there were Steiff Teddy Bears her exh gave her on the bedside table and in the shelves of the bedroom and it didn't bother me the least bit.. It was part of her collection of bears and they were important to her so who am I to go in and mess with her head.. I did used to put the bears in sexual positions all the time to be funny.. bears doing doggy style on the shelves..hahaha I think it is just rubbing your insecurity a little bit and you need to sit back and ignore that feeling.. or... Pull out and go on the bears face one night your having hot sex.. problem solved
smile23 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I wouldn't worry too much about it because I feel as though it is normal to keep items that your ex has given you. I have been dating my current boyfriend now for almost 4 years, but I still have items that were given to me from past boyfriends. This doesn't mean anything whatsoever. It's just that I don't see the point in throwing them out because they have no significant meaning to me. However, if it's really bothering you, I think that you should ask her about it and let her know how you feel- communication is key in a relationship.
a4a Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I am going to suggest a way to eliminate the stuffed bear. Borrow a puppy from a friend. buy a stuffed bear similar in size and shape of gf's bear. Train puppy to disembowl the bear. Take trained puppy to visit gf's home..... make excuse to somehow leave stuffed bear and puppy alone in a room. Now apologize for puppys over zealous play and buy gf new bear from you. Problem solved..... nobody gets hurt except the bear.
Bejita463 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I am going to suggest a way to eliminate the stuffed bear. Borrow a puppy from a friend. buy a stuffed bear similar in size and shape of gf's bear. Train puppy to disembowl the bear. Take trained puppy to visit gf's home..... make excuse to somehow leave stuffed bear and puppy alone in a room. Now apologize for puppys over zealous play and buy gf new bear from you. Problem solved..... nobody gets hurt except the bear. What the crap? Are you the reverse MacGuyver or something? You should incorporate a paperclip into that solution. You know, for the sake of completion.
Charles1978 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 If it were me, it wouldn't bother me. Everyone has a thing or two that were given to them in past relationships.
Surfer Dude Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 This thread reeks of neediness and low self esteem. Do you think that your partner's love and appreciation for you is in any way diminished by the fact that they might have some photos and things left from their exs? Such jealousy and possessiveness is sure to doom any relationship out there.
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