LostLoveAgain Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I have read through many posts here and much makes sense about NC when a break up occurs and how to heal yourself emotionally. My bf just broke up with me on Sunday however I work with him. We dated well over 1 year and he asked me to come work for him as a consultant first, then offered a full time position. Everything was fantastic. He owes a fairly large company and I am now the Director of a department for him. I am one of 3 Directors and although I can be very professional and hide my emotions, I cannot at this point see him, hear his name or bear to see him at all. (So it's not like this was an office romance from the start....we had a wonderful relationship and saw the benefits of our "powers" together were amazing). I am in FL and the economy is terrible and I know I will be without a job for many months if I leave this position. It is a very good job and I am very good at it. Great resume builder too. So, how to deal with work and giving myself the space I need to get over him? I've written him and told him my responsibilities towards my employees and department have not changed and I will continue to be professional and get my work done however if he needs anything from me at this time to email me at the WORK email and I will respond appropriately. I hate to say this but I hate him so much for wasting 1 1/2 years of my life. I gave up the chance to have children (I am 40) to be with him (he's a bit older) and we worked so wonderfully together and we both know there isn't anything in the world we can't accomplish together. He tells me all these great things about myself but as you all know - he's feeling guilty for dumping me and wants me to continue on with his company because of the great job I do. I feel exploited but DO need the money at this time of course. If he wanted me, he'd find a way to make it work. He isn't finding a way I see that. He's just trying to make things "comfortable" for me so he keeps his great IT Director and keeps his business going forward. I am working from home this week and he's fine with that but I dread going back to the office ever. I appreciate any comments or help. I haven't contacted him at all and handle business as I need to and continue to do so. I have already started sending out resumes and hope something else comes up. How to cope in the meantime? He writes me at least 1xs a day or texts me. He used to go days on days without any contact and NOW he's trying to check in on me? I just hurt soooo bad and can't stop crying. Thanks for reading.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Do you have any interest in reconciliation? Why did you break up again?
Author LostLoveAgain Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 We broke up because he said so many people are pulling him in different directions now, he is in an emotionally delicate state of mind that adding anything to the mix isn't possible at this time. He loves me dearly but has a problem with accepting I have a dog and a NJ accent. He also doesn't understand how I cannot put 100% of my brains and personality into his company 24x7 as he does to "make the world a better place because we're great together". I have a life outside work which did include him but he only wants to work, change topics back to work and pursuade everyone who will listen to him about his work and new energy saving projects. VERY intersting but jeez...boring after a few minutes. Other than that I am "Perfect" in his and everyone else's eyes. (People tell him that all the time). Bottom line- I have an Old English Sheepdog (whom I have had since we met) and now he tells me he feels "demasculated" in his own house when the dog is there. (She just lays around..not on furniture, not in bedroom, not near him but by the bedroom door - while it's ALWAYS shut too). He doesn't like animals or people for that matter. He's very shut-out of his family's lives and has lived alone for at least 15 years now. Been married, was engaged again....but now he's in a terrible circle of dating women for a few years and then nothing. So, I have to move on. He's has a controlling personality and I've worked so hard to accommodate him and my dog when they're together (he even put in a dog door for her last year at his house) so we "all" feel at home. He has become Mr. Say one thing and not do it. I was used to that, but I know I deserve someone to take care of me, love me and cherish me...not just for my looks and brains...but because I have a heart. So, that's my story and I am sticking to it. Thanks for responding too.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 He's controlling, he seeks to manipulate conversation to revolve around HIS work. He doesn't understand your life aside from HIS work. He thinks everything revolves around him/his work. Has no connection/bad connection with his family. He says one thing but doesn't do it. This ones pretty easy. He most likely is a narcissist. You, however, are coming off as bragging, due to how you have said people always talk about how you're "perfect". And you're also dropping how you want someone to like you for something other than your "looks". What compels this?
Els Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 How is trying to diagnose their 'psychological disorders' even pertinent to the question the OP is asking???
Thomas X Forever Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I'm just offering her something she can grasp onto to help cope, like she was asking to do. Also, if he is a narcissist, then she should feel completely free of all blame. How ISN'T that helpful...?
Author LostLoveAgain Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 I appreciate both of your comments. I didn't want to come across as bragging. Not my intent whatsoever. The perfect comment was meant only to describe how outsiders view my life - not how it is. No offense taken at all by your honest observations. I thank you for it. I've been told my whole life that I am attractive, talented and blah..blah and I guess hearing from him so often how attractive, smart etc...I am just stings so much more beacuse I don't value people based on that however I know many do. God blessed me with skills and I have taught myself a lot as well. My parents did a great job raising me and it just really hurts so bad when you're told how great you are...but...eh, Not so much after all (from the one you love). I am 40, no kids, and just very disappointed in how this relationship ended as I thought it was going to be forever. I've been serious before with others, but this was so different. Still getting work done today and again - thank you for your honesty.
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