Eclypse Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I really feel like my life has lost all direction.I finished high school last year and just finished my first semester of university. I did really well in high school, and got into a great university. But ever since then it seems my life has gone completely downhill. I absolutely loathe the course that I'm doing, even though I thought it might be fun last year. I've come to the realization that there is nothing to motivate me. The scary thing is I can't think of a single course that would interest me. I thought the one that I'm doing now (science) would be what I wanted, but its just drudgery over with no end. My life really seems to be standing still. It's just the same routine over and over. Get up, force myself to go to university, get home at 6.30 every night, have dinner and then im so buggered I flop into bed right away. Rinse and repeat. My life just seems really empty. All my mates love going out and drinking. Thats their thing, it seems to be the thing all teenagers are doing. I go along with them, but truth be told I hate drinking above all else. It really does nothing for me. Whenever I tell them how I feel they all dismiss it as nonsense and life goes on. I fell down the stairs recently and broke my troublesome ankle, so that once again sidelined me from sport, and my days have been spent moping around. Watching Wimbledon on T.V reminded my of my failed aspirations and brought home the realisation that I would never be a proffessional athlete, as much as I had wanted to when I was younger. I simply wasn't good enough at anything, no matter how hard I tried. My outlook for the future seems to be to struggle through university for a few years, land a dead end 9-5 job, live day to day and then retire and die. I guess I'm also really lonely, and my lack of self confidence has caused me to fail with pretty much every girl I have ever liked. If this is what adult life is holding in store, then it's a pretty bleak future. P.s Sorry for this long, self pitying rant. I just wanted to write down everything that was upsetting me. I don't think I got it all out juist the way I wanted, but its close enough.
Thornton Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I did the same thing as you: I chose a college course which turned out not to interest me, and I struggled through it for three years and made myself miserable... then I was qualified in a subject I hated, and I had to look at jobs I didn't want to do! The best thing you can do at this point is admit you made a mistake and don't persevere with something which is making you unhappy... you still have time to change direction! Don't get qualified in science (which you hate) and end up being qualified for a science job (which you will also hate). Think about what you would really like to do, which may not necessarily be an academic course: do you like music or art? Do you enjoy writing or would you like to run a business? Do you want to learn languages and travel? Then figure out how you can start doing that. Talk to the professors at the university about changing courses, discuss what you would like to do with your life and which course would be best for you. Not all teenagers are into drinking, and you really need some new friends. Have a look at what clubs and societies your college offers and join a few... my college had sports clubs, dance groups, games groups, a debating society, societies for learning languages, just to name a few. There are also probably some clubs you could join in the city you live in. I used to go to the tabletop games club at my college, and to a couple of dancing classes in town, as well as learning to speak German at the German society once a week. The problem with your outlook is that you currently have no aspirations and no direction, nothing that excites you, so all you can see in your future is boredom and drudgery. You need to find some purpose in life, something you want to do. Have a think about it
Author Eclypse Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Thank you Thornton, I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't like drinking all that much. I am actually feeling a wee bit better about my university, since I discovered I comfortably passed the semester, but theres still the next one of course... I do have a lot of interests, I'm trying to write stories and play my beloved guitar. But none of those things seems to be going well, and that frustrates me, which leads to this feeling. I'm looking forward to the start of uni now though, so I can join all these new clubs I'm currently conflicted with my love life, knowing me I'll probably screw up everything with everyone. Thanks for the advice though
Els Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I'm actually at the brink of being stuck in this rut too, and it terrifies me. The main problem I have with turning the loves of my life into income, is that I know that for me at least, if I have to do a certain thing within a certain deadline to the liking of someone else, OR ELSE... I will grow to hate it, regardless of how much I loved it before. I once HAD to code a website for some school project. I already have a website that I love and maintain regularly, but doing THAT website bored me. I had 2 weeks to get it up, it had to be within the specifications that my lecturer wanted. There was no freedom of expression and no joy in it anymore, it turned into drudgery. So why bother? I figure I'll just work my butt off for several years in a high-paying job, then when I've enough saved up for a modest life I'll retire and do what I love. If I get income from it then great, if not then nevermind.
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