Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 before my ex broke it off completely 10 days ago she made me for my birthday a few days before the most wonderfull book with all our memories in it, poems and pictures and drawings she had made, all of which said how good we are, how much i ment everything to her and how without me around she would feel lost. we argued a lot over that weekend but is all this because she is really angry at the arguments and there are more feelings that shes letting on because if not why put so much effort and time into some and say so many things if they didnt mean anything?
dxb Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Hmm....I see the problem. My interpretation (for what it's worth) is that it's one of the two following possibilities. I could be wrong. She does mean all of those things but the manner in which you received and responded to the gift suggested to her that you didn't feel the same way Women are needy and more emotionally aware than men. They don't respond well if they're not 100% reassured their partner feels as strongly about them as they do. Unfortunately it's very difficult for men to express this back because often we don't have the emotional literacy. The other part is if you're a particularly savvy dater, you know that one of the most important things you can do is be a challenge. The irony is that confessing to a woman just how much you love her and need her stops you being a challenge, and consequently, can seriously reduce her interest in you. She's mucking with your head to make herself feel better If she ditched you she's probably looking for some way to keep an emotional hold over you for her own ego reasons. Making a book about how much you mean to her helps her satisfy her own feelings of guilt for breaking up with you. Some women are defective when it comes to male psychology; they honestly, genuinely think that if they express how much they love you despite the fact they don't want to be with you, it makes you feel better about yourself and more able to move on. That's my take anyway. Depending on the nature of your relationship and how it ended, you may want to keep the book (if reconciliation is a genuine possibility) or you might want to chuck it, as part of the whole NC bulletproofing procedure.
Exit Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Don't underestimate the negative power of arguments. They can be enough to end a relationship. I know they were certainly a factor in the end of my last relationship. Who knows what really happened. Heck, you could even say she make you a book full of memories because she already knew she was going to break up with you. You will never know the truth unless one day she decides to explain it to you.
broken_promises Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 My take on it is that perhaps she sort of knew that things might be ending at some point in the near future and really was sort of honoring your history together with the book of memories. I know that when I go through relationship endings, I feel an INTENSE need for that kind of revisiting and honoring and closure. I write cards and letters full of memories and how much the other person has meant to me. I go back and resend emails that were sent in the beginning of the relationship. I send gifts to the other person reminiscent of the gifts I sent in the beginning... all while going through the pain of the breakup. For example, my ex and I were in the process of breaking up over a few weeks. Those few weeks included my college graduation AND his birthday. We both knew that we were breaking up soon but we both talked and gave each other deep, meaningful cards. I made him birthday cupcakes that I had made for him two birthdays before. So, I know it is hard to understand these types of things because it seems like breakups should be about anger (which, I have a lot of that too!) but some people - and maybe your ex is one of them - also need to feel like the relationship meant something by honoring all the memories.
Author Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 but the thing is we had broken up months before and stayed as bestfriends who slept together and did everything together and while she made this gift for me there were no plans for us to be perminately split apart like we have been, they came after the gift and were on both parts very sudden and hard on us both. thats what i cannot understand? i really do not know whether she still love/loved me and is totally confused by what to do. because she has been giving me mixed signals for a while now. we have gone NC but that seems atm to be on and off.
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