shadowplay Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 He dumped me rather unceremoniously four years ago with a nasty kiss-off email. I think he felt that I wasn't that into him, which was true. I was still pretty hurt at the time by the sudden NC since we had been good friends, but I quickly recovered. A year ago he sent me an email apologizing for the way he had broken things off and said he never forgave himself for treating me like that. My response was kind of like "OK, thanks, but it wasn't a big deal." A few nights ago he sent me a message on facebook, asking me what was up and saying that he still thinks of me. I didn't respond. Then he imed me on facebook and we had a kind of awkward conversation about what we were up to. He ended with "I hope you're still as beautiful as you were back when we were together. And I mean that as much as I ever have." WTF? I politely said "uh, thanks," and told him I was tired and about to hit the sack. Yesterday I get another email from him with a picture of his new house that he just bought, and asking what I think of it. He ends the message with "it was great talking to you last night." I didn't respond. Then tonight he sends me another message asking me to comment on his house and please respond to his last message. What's going on? Is he trying to start something up with me? If he is I'm not interested in the slightest, but I don't want to be completely rude. What should I do?
Ronni_W Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Setting and protecting your own boundaries isn't "rude", though. Just tell him that you wish him well in his new home, don't wish to renew your acquaintanceship, and ask him to please stop contacting you. Can't tell if he's trying to start-up something or just looking for you to say, "I forgive you." Doesn't really matter -- you're not interested in whatever he is selling...and it's what YOU want that counts.
Author shadowplay Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Setting and protecting your own boundaries isn't "rude", though. Just tell him that you wish him well in his new home, don't wish to renew your acquaintanceship, and ask him to please stop contacting you. Can't tell if he's trying to start-up something or just looking for you to say, "I forgive you." Doesn't really matter -- you're not interested in whatever he is selling...and it's what YOU want that counts. I already told him that I forgive him. I guess I just feel crappy about saying that since he hasn't done anything overt. Wouldn't telling him not to contact me be overkill? I'd like to send the message more politely if possible.
hitzpink Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Well, do you want him to continue contacting you? It sounds like you're not interested in talking to him at all or forming any sort of friendship/relationship. So I would tell him that up front because it sounds like he's definitely interested in at least becoming friends again.
westernxer Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 What's going on? Is he trying to start something up with me? Uh, yeah. If he is I'm not interested in the slightest, but I don't want to be completely rude. What should I do? De-friend him. LOL
Ronni_W Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Wouldn't telling him not to contact me be overkill? I'd like to send the message more politely if possible. I think it totally depends on your definition of "more politely" -- options, as I see them are [1] just 100% ignore him for the rest of time, [2] tell him that you won't be responding to him again or, [3] block all ways that he has of contacting you so you don't have to deal with it again. For me, I only know what *I* think is more polite, and then only for people I kinda, sorta give a crap about. In a similar position, I really didn't give a crap and just blocked the guy after I sent a "wishing you well forever" email. Just gotta do what we gotta do, is all. I think maybe just go by your own values and definitions. He has put you in a position where you have to make some type of difficult personal decision...I totally get that part. But it's not saying that you have to suffer because he's gone and done that.
Author shadowplay Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 OK, here's the deal. Call me an opportunist, but I don't want to antagonize him because he's well-connected in my field. Now he's commenting on all my facebook statuses. It's really getting on my nerves, but I don't want to be a b&4tch. Should I just ignore his comments and hope he goes away? He's got to get the hint eventually, right?
westernxer Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 OK, here's the deal. Call me an opportunist, but I don't want to antagonize him because he's well-connected in my field. Now he's commenting on all my facebook statuses. It's really getting on my nerves, but I don't want to be a b&4tch. Should I just ignore his comments and hope he goes away? He's got to get the hint eventually, right? You don't have to see this guy in person, do you? If not, then just keep correspondence to a minimum, if at all.
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