NC! How Many Times Have YOU Fallen Off The Wagon and Let's Support Each Other! :)

[evaG]

Hey guys and girls,

 

Q: How many times have you fallen off the NC wagon?

 

For Me>>>

Relationship Lasted: a year and half

The Dirt: I was a LOT more invested in the relationship in every way. He was commitment phobe who wanted to sleep around. He cheated on me by exchanging naked photos with some random chick he met at a bar and refused to delete her number when I confronted him. He felt trapped, I got walked all over. This break up was mutual, but I am definitely more hurt than he is. In fact, I don't think he's hurt at all. I have a feeling he's out hooking up with someone right now.

Relationship Ended: last Thursday, July 2nd.

Times off the NC Wagon: twice. Once I called crying Monday the 6th, and an 11-email exchange about being friends afterward that ended the chain tonight July 8th.

 

I'm in between the anger and acceptance stages of grief. Between those stages I'm wanting and then doubting if we should be friends. To be honest, we get along great as two people, but terrible as a couple.

 

Three days ago I deleted him off Facebook. Just now I finally deleted him off my phone (even though I stored his number in my gmail contacts list). One step at a time!

 

I'm trying very hard to NC!! Let's share our story and support each other!

[The Blue Pill]

I faulted my NC plan one time, that was before Valentine's Day this year. I promise you I haven't faulted since. 2.5 year relationship, currently 10 months single.

[NopeNah]

together 5years..living together for 2.5..broken up 3 months(first break up with her ever)

 

Broken and had it broken more times than I can remember. I'm to the point now that it doesn't even affect me any longer, one way or the other. We're not friends at all though.

[New_life]

lets see broke up on april 22, didn't felt like a break up...

 

started NC on first days of june, after months of begging and crying, false hopes from my ex (said she didnt have time to date right now, only to go with someone else)

 

from june to now I personally am not the one contacting, she is the one that drags me off the wagon and Im the one who cant say no. Probably around 5 times, however Im proud saying that since Monday, she finally said she will leave me alone, and not contact me.

 

So far 4 days of detox. Im proud.

[indriyani]

Ugh, well. I'm not proud to admit any of this but we broke up on February 2nd of this year. Managed no contact until a day before my sister's wedding (bad idea) on April 22nd. Since then I have periodically contacted him at an obsessive rate. Only once I went cold turkey for the entire month of May -- but I keep coming back. It's like I can't get enough pain.

 

Yesterday around noon, I contacted him and asked if we could talk later that night. He agreed to it and asked me to let him know what time. I never responded ... I think I'm finally going to start practicing rational thinking. Although, I'm not going to lie, I still want to talk and am still rehearsing what I would say ...

 

The thing about NC is why do they make it so easy for you to access them? Why not just say "Listen, we can't talk anymore. Leave me alone." Why keep the window open? I don't get it.

 

Well, good luck everybody. I hope I can stay strong today.

[AllyC]

Thank God for this post, I am having so much trouble with it!!

We dated for 5 years... one previous breakup (after an affair) that only lasted a week. Funny thing is I hardly contacted him after I cheated, he contacted me and we got back together. This time it seems worse and maybe... permanent. Broke up July 5th officially (he broke up with me through text... ugh). I called and called and sent a barrage of texts in desperation. I sent my last text on July 7th in the afternoon, then an email after midnight. These have been the hardest four days of my life, especially since he's acting like he is not affected by anything. I don't plan on contacting him until he contacts me. Which, sadly, may be never...

[Giha]

First time - 2 days.

Second time after I found out she was in a relationship with my friend - 3 weeks and still going, hopefuly for good

[evaG]

Man, I thought when it was NC, it was just preventing myself from contacting the guy! I couldn't resist replying when they send an email about nothing at all. I finally deleted the ex's number out of my phone (yay!), defriended him on FB, and now I'm about to delete his number off my contact list. This way, if he wants to talk to me, he'll have to call (and I'll ignore because it was always quick dial. HAH!).

 

Just deleted his number off my contact list. YAYYYY! Now I know to start ignoring his emails too. I think I'll remain civil and respond with one word answers that he was so fond of responding to me with.

[EmperorR]

Wtith my ex fiance heckway to much then what day I got serious and never looked back.

 

With my last ex not even once, never memorized her number, once I was dumped just deleted it can't contact her, changed my number and moved on with my life:)

[heatherb16]

Were together for 1 1/2 years. We have been broken up for only 3 weeks. Once I officially started NC, I was able to last for 4 days. Feel pretty weak about it.

[Nedved]

Were together for 1 1/2 years. We have been broken up for only 3 weeks. Once I officially started NC, I was able to last for 4 days. Feel pretty weak about it.

 

No d'ont feel weak about it!! 4 days is a great achievement. Your hurting and thats normal. Try NC again and work towards 4 days and build from there. You can do it.

[moo]

Since I already talked about NC and what happened, I'll be very, very brief. My ex left me, but I didn't know he left me. He hooked up with someone else, and I didn't know until I called him at the end of the week. He wasn't willing to put effort into the relationship. I only lived an hour away. He said it's easier to date someone in town. He went to being my boyfriend to treating me like I had some type of contagious disease. Broke NC several times, crying on the phone for hours and hours...most of my questions went unanswered. Sent nasty emails.

---

NOw,

strong. I am letting go. I don't get up very sad in the morning anymore. I wake up thinking of him and I say f**k y**k. Been NCing for almost a week straight now. Give myself gold star for every day I don't initiate contact, red star if I don't initiate for a week straight, silver stars are special, I get them when I don't initiate contact on Sat. and Sun. If he contacts me, I am at the point where I know I will respond....baby steps. Anyway he doesn't contact me and I don't think he never will. Green star is on calendar on the Last Day of July...that one is different. It's for just making it through the month, whether I contact him or not, just making it through the month, because I felt like my world was blow apart. Next month, I will award myself a green start at the end of the month only if I am able to go through the entire month of August without initiating contact.

[evaG]

Hmmm... I think I will reward myself with a brand new pair of shoes at the end of every month I go NC. Hahaha!

[moo]

I purposefully did not block him on my phone because then the number would be stored in the blocking mechanism and I want to forget his number. I told him I blocked his email address, but if I really blocked it, then the email address would be in my settings. So I did not block his email addresses. So now, he just thinks I blocked him....good. Tomorrow will be 7 straight days of NC. If I can just do 2 more weeks after that, I will be on my way, but I know I have to take it one day at a time. You know, sometimes I feel really sorry for him. He is a very pathetic person and I don't think he has ever had a healthy relationship. He also does better with distant, selfish, people because those are the kind of parents he had and that is the kind of woman he married. His ex gf before me was also very selfish. I have never had a roller coaster relationship before him, but he and his ex gf before me were always on a roller coaster. I had had my doubts that it wouldn't work out because I didn't provide the chaos in his life that he craves so much....so instead, he provided it by acting ridiculous and cruel. I'm done with drama kings, shelfish butt wipes and pompous buffoons.

[patcha]

Hmmm... I think I will reward myself with a brand new pair of shoes at the end of every month I go NC. Hahaha!

 

haha. Great idea!

 

I haven't contacted my girl, but I do look at her FB and blog... so um, gosh!

[bluewolf17]

Together for 3.5 yrs.

 

Broke up in the end of Feb/09. Went NC after two weeks. NC lasted 3 weeks.

Then we went on dates, etc and he gave me false hope.

 

I went NC another 3 weeks. Then he kept contacting me wanting to hang out. So I tried again. Nothings changed.

 

Back to NC, it's my 12 day since seeing him last, 4 days of complete NC. Removed him from everything.

 

Can't beleive I wasted so much time...6 months later..

[Beeotch]

I do a one-sided NC thing...

 

I do not initiate contact with my ex...but when he contacts me (which has been through text and IM) I may or may not answer depending on what it is, and I always keep my responses brief and polite. It works for me...I am in control. I do not give more than is asked, I do not seek out contact and I do not respond urgently. I get to it if and when I get to it...

[Beeotch]

Ugh, well. I'm not proud to admit any of this but we broke up on February 2nd of this year. Managed no contact until a day before my sister's wedding (bad idea) on April 22nd. Since then I have periodically contacted him at an obsessive rate. Only once I went cold turkey for the entire month of May -- but I keep coming back. It's like I can't get enough pain.

 

Yesterday around noon, I contacted him and asked if we could talk later that night. He agreed to it and asked me to let him know what time. I never responded ... I think I'm finally going to start practicing rational thinking. Although, I'm not going to lie, I still want to talk and am still rehearsing what I would say ...

 

The thing about NC is why do they make it so easy for you to access them? Why not just say "Listen, we can't talk anymore. Leave me alone." Why keep the window open? I don't get it.

 

Well, good luck everybody. I hope I can stay strong today.

 

Because NC is about YOU and what you resolve for yourself...not them. It is not a contract between you and them, it is a personal and individual choice/plan of action you make with yourself in mind.

 

They couldn't care less, they don't even know you're doing it half the time. It shouldn't matter what they will or wont allow or will and won't say....it is about YOU taking control and not waiting for cues from them.

[robinincarolina]

Broke up 2 weeks ago, no contact, exchanged emails twice, met Saturday and its over for good. So starting over it is day3. Maybe this will help below, its kind of long, but maybe it will help.

 

When you and your guy break up there are usually some questions that race through our mind

1. What happened?

2. What did I do wrong?

3. What's wrong with him

4. Can I get him back or is it too late?

Its mind blowing when a man that seemed to be so interested in you, can one day just lose all interest in you or the relationship. It can set you in a panick. You want to fix it and you want to do it now. Here are the thoughts that are also going through your head.

1. I must call him

2. I must write, email or text him

3. If I can only give something to him

4. If I could just tell him how I feel

5. If I could just get him to talk about how he feels

6. If only he could understand me

7. If only I could understand him

These thoughts are valid, but they are thoughts the we as women feel. We relate and process this break up much differently than a man does. These thoughts do not work on a man.

The top reasons, (not the only reasons) a man leaves a woman

1. You were too helful and accomodating (he does not want a mother)

2. You were too needy

3. You were too strong or rigid

When a man leaves you, although he may not show it, there is a lot going on in his head. We are talking about a man's heart and there is a lot going on inside that he may not be aware of, that he's trying to avoid. It is a powerful thing to turn a man's heart. He has to warm up slowly, lower his guard and let his addrenaline die down before he can wrap his mind around reconciling with you.

This takes a man time and where we make our mistake is not giving him the time to go through this process. We call, beg, plead and try to convince him. Men do not respond to words they respond to distance. If you do all of these things you are actually pushing him away because you are reminding and validating to him all the reasons he broke up with you in the first place.

This is where the no contact rule comes into play. You shut down and give him that time, but be prepared it could take weeks, sometimes longer. It rarely happens in a couple of days. We as women want to end the pain and want instant gratification, but if you really want him back you have to be more aware of how thier mind works and stop thinking about what you want right now and focus on long term goal.

There is no guarantee but nearly every man will initiate some form of contact if you have shut down withing two months of a break up. The waitng is hard, but stay busy and go on like he is not coming back. Everytime you contact him, you are pushing him further away and killing your chances of getting him back.

When he does call this is your chance to turn it around. First call do not talk about the relationship or what went wrong. Be light and fun and act like you are happy. You want to replace that last memory of you being needy with a positive one and this is going to make him feel its safe enough to call again without you getting all serious on him. Your lack of emotion will set you apart and pleasantly surprise him. Be the first to end the call and limit it to a very short call, no more than 10 minutes. Also don't share any details of your life or the past, just small talk.

Now you hang up and you are wondering what he is thinking about you and you may feel you have not done enough to help him get back with you. If you are feeling this way, the good news is, you are probably doing it right. Remember the things you want to do such as talk to him, tell him you miss him, telling him how you feel will drive him farther. Therefore, if you are wondering about him, then you have probably given him enough space to wonder about you.

Now he is open and feels comfortable enough to call again, keep it light again and repeat above steps. His imagination is now running about you and he is filling in the gaps and wondering all kinds of things. This is when he will start to move back towards you and this is when you will get the opportunity to really have that conversation and tell him how you feel because he is going to ask. Its all about timing. If you can hang in there and wait it out, let him come to you, that is when he will be open to listen to your feelings.