3 men-1 girl-

[Jezika]

Ok how to start? I'll introduce the people in my quadroplex - Me 26 - Mike 23 - Van 26 - alex 29.

 

Alex is hard working, one daughter

Mike is a procrastenator with one son

van has no children but has no life goals.

 

I have been friends with van since we were 17 - we were always friends (who wanted more). when i was 22 (and living with alex for 2 years!) van told me he loved me and couldnt stand to not be with me anymore. I left alex - i honestly broke him - after being with van for less than a year i knew i had made the biggest mistake ever leaving alex. I tried my hardest to convince him to take me back; I always ademently denied I had been with van at all. When I left him I told him it was becuase I needed to move home to go to school which was only a half truth. He said he had to think about it and was dating someone new.

 

Enter mike - i had been friends with mike in highschool, we reconnected over an online site. At that time since alex would not take me back, I left van and started seeing mike. I have now been dating him 2 years, living with him for 1. I am not happy - he has no motivation and is a slob. I`ve been speaking to van who claims he has messed things up and would do anything to be with me again - he was the greatest friend I ever had but being with him ruined that 7 year friendship, I love him to pieces but know he does not make a good boyfriend. When I was with him he constantly lied and made really bad choices. Alex has been claiming the same thing, that he would do anything for another chance and regrets all the wrongs he did to me and would never lie to me again, however alex has been in a relationship for 2 years as well so I know he hasnt changed that much, i mean if he is after me but still with her how am i to be certain he won`t do that to me again as well.

 

Mike is sweet, he is kind to me but he has no motivation to do anything with his life - I believe he hopes to coast through life with as little effort as possible. I don`t agree with the way he is with his son either.

 

So my quandry is do I break mikes heart like i did with all the others but if so do i go back with one of the others and try again.

 

Alex is so sweet but was contolling and i know he would try to make me happy the second time around. He wants the same things i do and his daughter is awesome.

 

van is sweet as well - we`re mirror images of eachother but i am afraid he will always lie to me about things, plus he has no motivation to create a better life for himself (he still lives with his mother).

 

Mike is funny and i know he loves me but he is a procrastonator, to afraid of change and does not want the same things as me.

 

What should i do. . please help. . (p.s. I am not a slut I have never cheated on any of them)

[Thornton]

You should do what you feel is best for you and not worry about whose heart you break - you can't stay with someone just out of pity because you don't want to break their heart.

 

You are with Mike at present, but you claim he is a slob with no motivation, and you don't agree with his parenting style. You said yourself he doesn't want the same things as you, and there are clearly things about him that you dislike, so why are you still with him? Whether he loves you or not is beside the point; the question is whether you love him enough to overlook his flaws, which it sounds like you don't. You said you aren't happy with him; if that's true you should end the relationship.

 

You didn't really say why you broke up with Van the first time, but you did say he isn't a good bf and you can't trust him not to lie to you, plus he has no motivation and still lives with his mother. If he's untrustworthy and isn't a good bf, it doesn't matter how sweet he is, he isn't going to be a good bf for you.

 

Out of the three, Alex sounds like the best bet: hardworking and decent, and you said he truly loved you before you dumped him. You want the same things and you like his daughter, and you said he would try to make you happy. If he's a little controlling, that's an issue you could work on addressing... unless he's so controlling that the relationship isn't going to work.

 

I would suggest either a)Try to make a go of it with Alex, if he's prepared to be less controlling, or b)Look for someone entirely new.

[gopher]

You should do what you feel is best for you and not worry about whose heart you break - you can't stay with someone just out of pity because you don't want to break their heart.

 

You are with Mike at present, but you claim he is a slob with no motivation, and you don't agree with his parenting style. You said yourself he doesn't want the same things as you, and there are clearly things about him that you dislike, so why are you still with him? Whether he loves you or not is beside the point; the question is whether you love him enough to overlook his flaws, which it sounds like you don't. You said you aren't happy with him; if that's true you should end the relationship.

 

You didn't really say why you broke up with Van the first time, but you did say he isn't a good bf and you can't trust him not to lie to you, plus he has no motivation and still lives with his mother. If he's untrustworthy and isn't a good bf, it doesn't matter how sweet he is, he isn't going to be a good bf for you.

 

Out of the three, Alex sounds like the best bet: hardworking and decent, and you said he truly loved you before you dumped him. You want the same things and you like his daughter, and you said he would try to make you happy. If he's a little controlling, that's an issue you could work on addressing... unless he's so controlling that the relationship isn't going to work.

 

I would suggest either a)Try to make a go of it with Alex, if he's prepared to be less controlling, or b)Look for someone entirely new.[/quote]

 

I agree with the above, if you were totally into one of them, you wouldn't have to wonder which one.