traxN90s Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Well I broke up with my GF of 3 years about 4 months ago. Things have gotten better for me but I admit I was devastated at the loss of our relationship. I had to move back in with my parents from a house we shared with each other. When it was over I cried many tears and suffered many taunting dreams where I held her close. It was just the 2 of us. We had an amazing relationship and were pretty much best friends. I never had anyone I could be my complete self around like with her. She was my everything. I shared my dreams with her and anything that was on my mind. We laughed together and were always being silly. She broke up with me because I wasn't working and she felt she couldn't support me. I didn't intend her to support me and I was trying to find ways to make a living. However after a few months of not working she ended it. I guess I can't blame her. Needless to say she's got a birthday next month and I was thinking on giving her a birthday card. Just something friendly and to maybe get her to realize that I care. I'm not planning on writing anything sappy or love inclined, just a simple message as friends. Even though we haven't spoke for a month now. I tell myself to move on time and time again, but occasioanally I find her on my mind. I realize maybe it's because no matter what I say I still love her and have a spot for her in my heart. 3 years is 3 years you know? I want to find work and get my life in order then maybe see about working it out with her again in the future. I haven't seen any other girls or even spoke to any on dating terms. Well, because I can't afford to right now. I have a feeling she's already seeing other guys but it's ok I can't expect her to hold out for me. Either way I've been strong on not contacting her. I miss her and I wonder if she misses me. Come August I've intended on going into her moms work and handing her the card to give her daughter for me. I just want her to know that I was thinking of her for her birthday and I didn't forget. I don't expect her to come running back into my arms. As a matter of fact I'm not even ready for that again. I feel since I still care about her this is something I can do as a nice gesture and perhaps get her to think of me more. All in all I like to think sometimes that maybe we could be together again later on. Maybe in a year or a few more months. I don't know. I guess time will tell. What do you guys think? Like I said she broke up with me because of financial reasons. She told me when we split apart, "I'm hoping this will make me realize how much I love you when you're not around." Geez this really has been a burden on me the past few months...
Author traxN90s Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Honestly I'm thinking I'm just hurting because she's the last one I've been with. Maybe I'm just lonely. Quite frankly I have times where I despise her, then I have times where I miss her. Aghhh what a world...
RA1 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I think it's a great idea to send her a birthday card. I would suggest though to look your message over from several angles to check that it's hitting the right note and cannot be misinterpreted. What that note should say I won't venture to suggest since I don't know enough about your situation.
Author traxN90s Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Yeah I'm not planning on saying much. Possibly just, "Happy birthday Erika. I hope your day goes great and you have as much fun as you should. - Joseph" That's it. Like I said I'm not looking to imply anything about being involved with her. Just simply send her a birthday wish. I don't want to come off as being weak, yet I want her to know I'm strong enough to speak to her as friends. No yours truly or love or sincerely yours or anything like that...
RA1 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I'm not sure about the "as you should" part; might seem to be sending a veiled message. How about simply: "Happy birthday Erika. I hope your day goes great and you have lots of fun. - Joseph"
Island Girl Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Don't do it. You say you don't care if you get a response - but trust me - it will weigh heavy on you once you know the card is out there. "Is she going to contact or not?" Imagine that all day for a few days. And then, "I wonder if she liked it. If she did would she contact? Is she waiting? Does she think I want her back now? Do I want her back now? Maybe. No. Yes. Is she going to contact? Maybe she is just waiting for a bit?" and on and on and on. Just don't do it to yourself. Leave it all as is. IF you decide you want her back. Then you can cross that bridge when you come to it.
norajane Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Absolutely not. No birthday card! You said: She broke up with me because I wasn't working and she felt she couldn't support me. I didn't intend her to support me and I was trying to find ways to make a living. However after a few months of not working she ended it. I guess I can't blame her. You absolutely CAN blame her. What kind of woman dumps a boyfriend of 3 years because he's been out of work for a few months? Unless you were lying around on the couch the whole time and not even looking for work, you should have been able to expect emotional support from your partner. She should have wanted to be there for you. Losing a job is a difficult time for anyone, especially in this current economy when jobs are very hard to come by. However, you also said: She told me when we split apart, "I'm hoping this will make me realize how much I love you when you're not around." She did not break up with you because you lost your job and weren't working. That may have been the catalyst for it, but she broke up with you because she was no longer in love with you. She wanted to get away from you to see if that would work in the 'you don't realize what you have until it's gone' kind of way. So, no birthday card. Because 1) she kicked you when you were already down by dumping you after you lost your job and doesn't deserve your birthday good wishes, and 2) if she's not in love and is hoping absence will make her heart grow fonder, the last thing you want to do is be there for her. Her birthday is a perfect opportunity for her to test her theory. If she doesn't hear from you on her birthday and she misses you and feels regret, that's a reason for her to realize how important you are to her. But if you're right there with cards and wishes, what is there for her to miss?
BCCA Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Dude, dont send it at all. Seriously, youre just asking to be resentful. Her response to it, or more likely - lack thereof, is just going to make things worse. And what happens when your b-day/xmas/etc rolls around, and you get nothing? Youre going to be devistated. I've said it once and I'll say it again, people dont leave you for any other reason than you arent worth the effort anymore. You see women support deadbeat drug users for YEARS without saying a word, a few months is nothing. If the shoe was on the other foot, Im sure you wouldve covered her while she was looking for a job. You see, it was just an extra excuse to dump you. Women rarely ever come out and say 'Im just over you, and want someone else' so you get all this cryptic, leave the door open, maybe, kinda, sorta, i dont know BS that gives you the idea that maybe you can change and get her back. You cant man, because she doesnt want you to. If she wanted you change, she would work with you, and talk with you, and you guys could make a change together. She pretty much kicked you while you were down, sent you back to your parents house. Listen brother, I've been there, I know how hard this is. But if Ive learned one thing its that 99.999% of what comes out of peoples mouths when they dump you or are going to is complete crap. Its nonsense/garbage to rationalize things to themselves and not feel so guilty. Here you are thinking that you need to better yourself and do all this other stuff, but I can bet you everything I own if you did she still wouldnt want you back. Im not trying to be a douche, to anyone, on here when I give these honest opinions, Ive just been in your EXACT shoes and have seen the light, so to speak. Plain and simple, people do NOT walk away from a guy that has the potential to be a good partner. They just dont. Actions always speak louder than words, so stop listening to the words she says, and start looking at what shes doing.
gorgio Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Listen to BCCA and norajane - No birthday card!!! She dumped you when you were going through your toughest period. She knew you were lonely and lost your job and instead of being there for you she split. Think about it again, the moment you really needed her the most she kicked you out. Someone who loves you for who you are would never do that. Find a better girl that loves you for who you are. I got dumped this year when I was going through the hardest period in my life. I felt exactly like you, when I get my $hit together I will be ready to get her back. Well guess what, I got my $hit together and am never taking her back. When you heal you will be in a better position to evaluate if you want her back or not.
Author traxN90s Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Wow you guys are great thanks for all the replies. I'm glad I got some honest input in here from people who've been there. I've had the exact same thoughts some of you've mentioned. I've thought about how she left me when I was at my lowest low. She's put me through some difficult times, yet I managed to stay by her side. I think I'll take the advice and not send her anything. I'm sure it will weigh on me like Island Girl said. I probably will be thinking about it after it's out and wondering what she thought, will she respond to me, call me etc? I'm going to try and stay focused and leave her be. I'm sure a card would be a nice gesture, but what would come from it may not be so healthy for me.
joejohnson Posted July 16, 2009 Posted July 16, 2009 You gotta what you feel is right. I'm sure that knowing that card is out there is going to be on your mind and is going to make you think about things. If it was me I would send her the card, if you really love this girl you should be suttle and kinda give thigs a shot. One thing I have learned is that in relationships nothing is definite, maybe she will come around. Good luck
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