Is this some type of controlling behavior or is he just insane?

[yankees13]

I will refresh everyone on my breakup. I have been dating a guy for a while and he told me this weekend he wanted to raise his kids and to do that he will need to get back with his ex wife. He said it was a really hard decision for him. I really don't know the circumstances, but they have been divorced years now. I totally am heartbroken, but he is totally messing with my head by contacting me after I said it's too hard to talk to him right now. We hung out one day after the break up and he started telling me that I need to find a good guy and telling me what to look for. It's very hard to hear stuff like that from the man of your dreams. I am just trying to make sense of everything and I can't. I need to let it go, but him contacting me over small stuff is like he is just trying to mess with me or play with my head?

[alphamale]

I need to let it go, but him contacting me over small stuff is like he is just trying to mess with me or play with my head?

is that a statement or a question?

[yankees13]

hi, sorry for that. I kind of speed posted that. He has been contacting me for little stuff like we are automatically friends. I have told him I can't be his friend right now, it's just way to hard and he keeps sending text about stuff that he is doing or asking how my day is going. It just seems cruel knowing that I specifically said we should not be friends right now. What are your thoughts?

[Thomas X Forever]

Refresh his memory that you don't want him talking to you. Then ignore him.

 

Threaten to change your number, if need be. I threatened my first ex gf that if she wouldn't leave me alone I'd file a restraining order and get her arrested rofl. She still didn't give up. God, I shoulda married her

[redmelon]

are you responding to the texts?

 

sounds like he is trying to keep you on the chain in case the reconciliation doesn't work.

[dunstable]

Tell him you want no contact. Don't answer the phone if you see it's him calling. Don't answer his emails or texts. Maybe you will be friends in the distant future (like in 20 years time) but right now you need him to leave you alone so you can grieve and rebuild your life.

[yankees13]

no, I am not responding. It just bothers me, because he made his choice and he contacts me still knowing I can't deal with it. It's like he doesn't even care for my feelings, but yet he says he is trying to be my "support system" He is in limbo about even getting back with her. He told me it's his choice, because she has been begging to get him back apparantly. I'm just feeling so sad, angry, depressed, and everything all at once. I have so many questions, but I know I need to move on. I just don't understand why he even bothered to start anything with me.

[dunstable]

no, I am not responding. It just bothers me, because he made his choice and he contacts me still knowing I can't deal with it. It's like he doesn't even care for my feelings, but yet he says he is trying to be my "support system" He is in limbo about even getting back with her.

Sounds like he's not sure he made the right decision about going back to his wife. Or maybe he wants to have the both of you at the same time? Maybe with some effort, you could win him back? But would you want to do so now?

[yankees13]

I know he said it was hard, but I don't really see why I would have to win him back when he made the choice for the kids sake????? He really doesn't want to be with the ex-wife, but apparantly she is not letting him see his kids. I'm not sure of the whole story. I would love to have him back, but he is making it out like he HAS to choose. I would never dream of keeping anyone from raising their kids or ever asked him to, that is why I don't understand why he had to choose.

 

Sounds like he's not sure he made the right decision about going back to his wife. Or maybe he wants to have the both of you at the same time? Maybe with some effort, you could win him back? But would you want to do so now?

[dunstable]

I know he said it was hard, but I don't really see why I would have to win him back when he made the choice for the kids sake????? He really doesn't want to be with the ex-wife, but apparantly she is not letting him see his kids. I'm not sure of the whole story.

All I meant by winning him back was that you might be able to talk him out of going back to his ex-wife as he seems to be uncertain that's the right decision.

 

But what's this about the ex will not let him see his kids? Is the ex saying either he goes back or he never sees the kids? It's important you get the whole story. If the ex is saying that, it's not in her control to decide whether he sees the kids, a court will decide in the event of a dispute. If he has been a good dad, he shouldn't be too worried about the ex-wife preventing him seeing his children.

[yankees13]

oh ok! When I tried to get answers he dodged them, and said basically I don't understand because I don't have any kids. I think she may limit him or he just wants to be there full time for them and knows he can't do that if he is dating someone. I would love to know the whole story, but all he says is I want raise my children. This being said he has kids by TWO other women (4 kids total) , and I have no idea how is planning on raising all of them. I guess he thinks raising two is better than raising none. Should I even bother talking to him? I miss his companionship, but if he has so many kids by so many mothers I am probably destined for heartache again right???? thanks for you advice it is really helping me by getting it out and in the open.

 

 

 

All I meant by winning him back was that you might be able to talk him out of going back to his ex-wife as he seems to be uncertain that's the right decision.

 

But what's this about the ex will not let him see his kids? Is the ex saying either he goes back or he never sees the kids? It's important you get the whole story. If the ex is saying that, it's not in her control to decide whether he sees the kids, a court will decide in the event of a dispute. If he has been a good dad, he shouldn't be too worried about the ex-wife preventing him seeing his children.

[RA1]

I think she may limit him or he just wants to be there full time for them and knows he can't do that if he is dating someone. I would love to know the whole story, but all he says is I want raise my children.

I think its worrying that you can't find out something so basic as whether she is limiting him on access or not. I think you deserve to know the whole story.

This being said he has kids by TWO other women (4 kids total) , and I have no idea how is planning on raising all of them. I guess he thinks raising two is better than raising none. Should I even bother talking to him? I miss his companionship, but if he has so many kids by so many mothers I am probably destined for heartache again right????

Sounds like you have already come to your own conclusion in that last sentence? Frankly, he doesn't sound like a good prospect based on what you've said.

[yankees13]

I know, but he really is an honest and loving person. I am at an age where its very hard to meet people without a divorce or children. It is very hard for me to let him go.