Chia1 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Before I explain what has happened, it is clear that in this situation - I am the cheater - This is a 4 year long distance relationship How it all began It all started when we were very young, I was 14, she was 13. We studied in the same school. I'll skip the petty details and go up to right where we started our relationship, I still remember it very clearly, on the night of Christmas eve 2005. The in betweens Ever since we started dating, we have been doing long distant relationship. My dad moved to another city due to work, it was approximately 500KM from my hometown, my whole family followed him. We had some strains in our relationship, some ups and downs, but we were determined to get through this, I knew she was going to head to another country, and that I will complete my tertiary studies in the same city as her. So we had a base, something to hope for when we reach 18~20. She has been very loving to me, often putting me first before anything else, I would pay her visits for a week or two, ranging for 6 months to 8 months. Yes, we did not see each other very often, but hey, theres the internet and the phone right? Fast forward to the present Her dad brought her over to another country, we were literally 1000 miles away, or more! Nevertheless I remained strong, still loving my girlfriend and hoping to get together with her. It was not until 2 weeks after she reached the other country that she broke up with me, I tried my best to win her back. But she would not talk to me, but started to scold me, very angrily. Saddened by what happened, I decided to date someone to get me over her ( it did not help ) that girl I dated with is my Sister's Fiancee's Sister ( yes, very complicated I know ). I dated her, liked her for 1 week, then I did not feel much for her anymore. But her mother, and her family knows we're together ( note that even if we break up, our families will meet often due to my Sister and her Brother's relationship ) I could not make the move to break up with her, worse come to worse, my girlfriend of 4 years, apologized and explain to me ( Its an explanation that most people won't think as rational, but being her boyfriend for 4 years, I understand that ) So, I took her back, but this time, that other girl from my brother in laws side, is involved too. That was around March, it was very hard from me to keep both sides a secret. In my heart, the one I loved was my girlfriend of 4 years. My university had a semester break, I went back to the town my dad was working in, I decided to take this opportunity to ignore my brother-in-law's sister, so she will decide to break up with me! 2 weeks into plan, everything was going fine, until my girlfriend decided to facebook, she inevitably saw the pictures of me and the girl ( note that I never wanted to take a picture, it was always her that wanted it ) Thats how I got screwed up real bad. It might take a while to digest what I have just written, Its 6am here and I still cant sleep, I want to say sorry to my girlfriend, shes the on I love, I explained to her everything that happened. She doubted that I love her, and started crying, we were on skype talking about this. I feel I have wronged her real bad. But I still want to be with her. Is there any advice anyone can give? Regarding this issue. Thank you in advanced for taking our your precious time to read a cheater's story.
dunstable Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 The story is a bit hard to follow. I didn't understand where the cheating came in because it sounded as if you were broken up when you dated the other girl. If you and the first girl truly love each other, which means you can't be happy with anyone else, then I'm sure you will come back together.
Author Chia1 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 The story is a bit hard to follow. I didn't understand where the cheating came in because it sounded as if you were broken up when you dated the other girl. If you and the first girl truly love each other, which means you can't be happy with anyone else, then I'm sure you will come back together. She broke up with me, I got together with another girl, then me and my original girlfriend, got together again. I feel like a cheater, because I did not break up with the girl that came in after we broke up. Not until 12 hours ago. I could not do it
RA1 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Don't be too hard on yourself. If I understand it right, you were broken up when you started dating the other girl. And the first girl was in another country all the time you were seeing the second girl? I would suggest just to explain to the first girl why you found it hard to break up with the second and, most importantly, tell the first girl how you learned from this experience how she is the one you truly love, and that you found you can't be happy with anyone but her.
Author Chia1 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Don't be too hard on yourself. If I understand it right, you were broken up when you started dating the other girl. And the first girl was in another country all the time you were seeing the second girl? I would suggest just to explain to the first girl why you found it hard to break up with the second and, most importantly, tell the first girl how you learned from this experience how she is the one you truly love, and that you found you can't be happy with anyone but her. I tried to do that, it's been 12 hours, I'm still apologizing. I really want her back. If only she knew how much I love her, I regretted for even thinking of the second girl for one second. After all she has given to me.
Athena Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Um, you are making this a bigger deal than it really is. The way I see it is that you were dating this future sister in law of yours, but realized you don't like her that much, and tried to avoid her... in the meantime your Love made up with you... but... you never actually PHYSICALLY were with you Love, right? It doesn't even sound like you were WITH the sis-in-law since she was back in your hometown, and you were at univ. So, you are guilty of, at best, lying... but the extenuating circumstances are that you Found it Difficult to Do the Right Thing by breaking up with S-I-L as soon as you and your Love made up. You are also guilty of Withholding Relevant Information from your Love -- see this 'finding you out' has made your Love wary and distrustful of you... You need to stop apologizing since you have been doing that for 12 hours. Tell your Love you know you should've done 'the right thing' but it was simply 'easier' to let things lie as they were. You are sorry for lying to her. But I don't see it as cheating... BTW, I think your thread doesn't really belong here in Marital "Infidelity" section, but rather in the Dating, subsection: Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy section. Anyway, you will live and learn. Your Love was taking a risk when she dumped you two weeks after she moved. Things have changed in your relationship. Now you learned she wasn't to be trusted as much, since you know she just dumped you... and now she knows you aren't to be trusted as much since you never told her the truth about still being in a 'relationship' (in word alone, not in deed... you were away from her, right?) with the second girl. I did follow your story alright... hope you can follow my post...
Author Chia1 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Um, you are making this a bigger deal than it really is. The way I see it is that you were dating this future sister in law of yours, but realized you don't like her that much, and tried to avoid her... in the meantime your Love made up with you... but... you never actually PHYSICALLY were with you Love, right? It doesn't even sound like you were WITH the sis-in-law since she was back in your hometown, and you were at univ. So, you are guilty of, at best, lying... but the extenuating circumstances are that you Found it Difficult to Do the Right Thing by breaking up with S-I-L as soon as you and your Love made up. You are also guilty of Withholding Relevant Information from your Love -- see this 'finding you out' has made your Love wary and distrustful of you... You need to stop apologizing since you have been doing that for 12 hours. Tell your Love you know you should've done 'the right thing' but it was simply 'easier' to let things lie as they were. You are sorry for lying to her. But I don't see it as cheating... BTW, I think your thread doesn't really belong here in Marital "Infidelity" section, but rather in the Dating, subsection: Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy section. Anyway, you will live and learn. Your Love was taking a risk when she dumped you two weeks after she moved. Things have changed in your relationship. Now you learned she wasn't to be trusted as much, since you know she just dumped you... and now she knows you aren't to be trusted as much since you never told her the truth about still being in a 'relationship' (in word alone, not in deed... you were away from her, right?) with the second girl. I did follow your story alright... hope you can follow my post... Spot on, but my S-I-L lives in the same town as my Univ is located. I am not sure if I am being too hard on myself. Because my LOVE is not taking this very lightly, I have planned to tell her in person. At least, I as her boyfriend should do that. Clock is ticking, she's sleeping now probably from her exhaustion
Athena Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Spot on, but my S-I-L lives in the same town as my Univ is located. I am not sure if I am being too hard on myself. Because my LOVE is not taking this very lightly, I have planned to tell her in person. At least, I as her boyfriend should do that. Clock is ticking, she's sleeping now probably from her exhaustion Don't do overkill... your Love originally started this whole mess by breaking up with you (yes, her prerogative), but STILL -- it introduced a Whole New Thought into your mind (and hurt heart) that she couldn't be Trusted in quite the same way. My thinking is that the two of you have to agree to Wipe the Slate Clean! Like a computer reset/reboot button. Start afresh.
Author Chia1 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Don't do overkill... your Love originally started this whole mess by breaking up with you (yes, her prerogative), but STILL -- it introduced a Whole New Thought into your mind (and hurt heart) that she couldn't be Trusted in quite the same way. My thinking is that the two of you have to agree to Wipe the Slate Clean! Like a computer reset/reboot button. Start afresh. Thank you, I only hope she can love me enough to look past my stupid mistake, I still love her alot Can't bear the thought of losing her
Athena Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Thank you, I only hope she can love me enough to look past my stupid mistake, I still love her alot Can't bear the thought of losing her I understand and I wish you all the best. Just one word of advice, since you are dealing with a girl here... ... don't carry on apologizing too much and doing everything ... if you hit a rough spot in a conversation, just keep quiet and LISTEN to her instead... and be strong -- we women like our men strong! She might see you as a wimp if you overdo it
Recommended Posts