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A little down on dump..I mean hump day


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Posted

Bleh,

 

I am 4 days into NC. Since this is my third time doing it, it does feel finale. I guess I was looking for pain, I have already deleted the ex from every communication possible and removed old emails/photos from my home computer, etc. I remembered I still have all these emails I had sent him from my work computer, and of course I read them. They go back to 2005. Us talking about living together, us talking about getting married, me telling him how much I love him, me telling him it's okay he lost his job again (he was a habituallly unemployed person, who didn't really want to work). I couldn't peel my eyes away! I knew it was bad..I just kept on reading, torturing myself, seeing where I could have been nicer, or reading his replys and how much he loved me. It broke my heart-I guess today I wanted that..I knew reading them would hurt.

 

I read them all, then deleted them all permenatly. Okay so I didn't get much done at work, like I care. Besides those last emails, every reminder of him that I have the power of putting away, is away. Everythings in a big box at my parents house. All the pictures are gone. I use to buy him a special christmas ornament every year as a stucking stuffer for Christmas. When we finally got married..we would have had our tree and our ournaments..isn't that cheesy? Anways I threw them against a tree in my parents back yard. I broke all 4 of them.

 

Anybody else sometimes feel like a little self sabotage? It kind of felt good in a way. I wanted to cry.

Posted

I took my ex off my facebook last week and at the time i felt quite sad.I guess it is accepting it is over. Although a week later i feel a lot better for it. it does help.

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