stepka Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 So I've been out of dating for quite a number of years and am getting back into it. Before, when I was dating there was no internet or cellphones. I've had several dates in the past couple of months and at least half of them have gotten cancelled by my date, for one reason or another. The last guy I was dating cancelled two in a row, so I said "sayonara" and he begged for another chance only to cancel the third date too. Yikes, I won't be that much of a weenie again. Now my date for tonight called and cancelled due to work pressures--he had warned that his work schedule is heavy but he didn't want to break the momentum with me. This would have been our second date and the first one went very well. Then he texted a half hour later and said that a project had been cancelled and he can make it after all. It gave me the feeling that something "better" might have come up, but then again, my work schedule is a lot lighter than most since I'm off this summer from working at a high school. I don't know, I'm thinking that if I were really excited about going out with someone, esp someone new, I wouldn't cancel under any circumstances short of an emergency. I might modify somewhat and make it shorter, but I wouldn't cancel. Or is that just me, and this is the nature of modern dating? At what point would you give it up as a lost cause if someone cancelled on you?
lora22 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Personally: Unless I was extremely interested in someone, or he CXed because of a true emergency, I probably wouldn't give him another chance. The reason for that (at this point of my life) is that I'm just way too busy to waste my time with someone whose MO is to CX/reschedule. I can't keep carving out time for him that ends up wasted, and it's annoying to always have to juggle him into my schedule every time he wants to reschedule. If at some point in the future I have more time...I can see myself doing a three strikes and you're out thing for someone I'd already been on at least one date with. First dates would probably get one more chance. Really, I think it comes down to finding a balance between being totally optimistic/nice when someone keeps CXing and putting your foot down at whatever you deem to be a reasonable time.
Author stepka Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Yeah, that's the problem--the ones who cancel are always the ones I'm extremely interested in. The ones I'm not so interested in never cancel.
kizik Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Yeah, that's the problem--the ones who cancel are always the ones I'm extremely interested in. The ones I'm not so interested in never cancel. Does it ever stop? Do ALL women want to be treated like sh*t? Cuz it sure seems like it.
lora22 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 It's tough to give up on someone you're really interested in getting to know better. With these guys who keep CXing/rescheduling - do you let them know that you're pretty available and have an open or undemanding scheduling ATM? Or do you say things like "I can be flexible" when you're scheduling your dates? If you are, definitely stop. I think a lot of people will abuse/take advantage of that to treat you disrespectfully. Another possibility is that he's just not as interested as you are, in which case there's not much you can do to change that. I would say, in general, when rescheduling just give him one more chance. If he cancels, then calls back to say "Oh hey, I'm available after all" DO NOT accept - that is incredibly disrespectful to you, and it implies that he assumes you have nothing better to do than sit around waiting for him to take you out. Just reschedule for a different day.
boogieboy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Yeah basically anyone who cancels is not that into you. And you should not let them know your schedule is flexible. They get you on that night, and thats it.
Author stepka Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 You guys are right--I haven't come right out and stated that my schedule is flexible, but I guess they realize that it is since I'm a teacher. I'll try to make it sound like I'm a bit busier than I am and I will def be less of a pushover. If this guy cx another date within the next couple of months though, that's it--I'll think he's just not that into me. Somehow I get the feeling that he does like me though, but I may be reading into it what I want to see.
alphamale Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I don't know, I'm thinking that if I were really excited about going out with someone, esp someone new, I wouldn't cancel under any circumstances short of an emergency. I might modify somewhat and make it shorter, but I wouldn't cancel. Or is that just me, and this is the nature of modern dating? At what point would you give it up as a lost cause if someone cancelled on you? most people won't cancel if they are really into the other person. they may only cancel if its is something very important and legitimate (which is rare). i use the "two strike" rule. after the 2nd cancellation i take it as a blow off.
BobSacamento Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 If someone cancels on my they are pretty much dead to me.
Author stepka Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Well a little update. The cancellation was b/c he was going to have to work late due to a big project so he called and cancelled and said that he didn't want to cancel on email--wanted to talk to me directly. Then when he got back to work after lunch, he discovered that the big one was put off til Friday, so he texted me and asked me again. I went, and he was feeling really sick--some bug that he caught, but he was afraid to cancel again so he went, though we called it a night early. I think the twice in a row rule is a good one, or even twice in a short period of time, but I know sometimes things come up. I don't know--the guy is a bit hard to read, but I get the feeling that he really does like me, but then I felt that way at first w/ "Mr. cancelled 3X in a row." Honestly I think I'm clueless about men. I don't play games so I don't expect them to either and I'm always shocked and dismayed when they do.
jtaime Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Well a little update. The cancellation was b/c he was going to have to work late due to a big project so he called and cancelled and said that he didn't want to cancel on email--wanted to talk to me directly. Then when he got back to work after lunch, he discovered that the big one was put off til Friday, so he texted me and asked me again. I went, and he was feeling really sick--some bug that he caught, but he was afraid to cancel again so he went, though we called it a night early. I think the twice in a row rule is a good one, or even twice in a short period of time, but I know sometimes things come up. I don't know--the guy is a bit hard to read, but I get the feeling that he really does like me, but then I felt that way at first w/ "Mr. cancelled 3X in a row." Honestly I think I'm clueless about men. I don't play games so I don't expect them to either and I'm always shocked and dismayed when they do. Well I have a different perspective.. I am running my own business in advertising and it is a very demanding industry. In the growing stages of the business it was very difficult to find time to date and I have cancelled quite a few dates with my guy, last minute too. Even now it happens from time to time. But then I make sure that I'll make it up to him the next time.. and I do. Also I find that these days, careers are much more demanding of us as compared to previously. I dont think you need to 'seem' a little busier.. It might help if you are into gym or have other activities occupying your time and stick with them, and tell the guys that you are only free on certain days. I know a housewife - no children that constantly keeps herself busy and only reserves certain days to hangout with us.. Oh yes.. and I agree.. never let them know you're flexible..!
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