indriyani Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I just wrote out an entire three paragraphs of all the good times we had. I can't accept that he is giving up. He spends a lot of his time alone, there is nobody new in his life. I know he broke up with me because I was erratic, I didn't appreciate him enough, I think I blew all of my chances. He seems to be really angry, but he's awful with communication; always has been. NC with him does not work. I spent three months without contacting him and even when he showed glimpses of missing me through a few network sites he never acted on them. He is a practical kind of guy, stubborn and also has incredibly low self-esteem. He says things like "We were bad for each other, we never could make each other happy." But he has to acknowledge that we were happy once, and if he could let me in again -- I'd show him that we could be again. There were a lot of circumstances that led to our gradual demise, and I acknowledge a lot of the blame for it. But we have a history, a 3.5 year long history, and 2.5 of that was incredibly good and fun. How can he be so dismissive now? I wonder what it could be that makes him so resistant to share WHY it would be impossible for me to earn a second chance. Because you can fall back in love with someone, you just have to let them in. Sorry if this is all crazy talk. I'm just using this website instead of contacting him (for the billionth time).
Exit Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'm in the same boat, but you just have to accept it. I feel like my relationship was GREAT, so much connection, so many fun times, but I've had to accept that clearly her opinion of it is different. She must think the negatives outweighed the positives and I don't know what I can do to make her think differently. He sounds like he needs a lot of work too, you shouldn't just be beating yourself up. I've had to realize the same things about my ex's poor communication. Even if she called me right now and said she was ready to give it a chance, unless SHE is ready to change just as much as I am, I would have to be the bigger person and say no. No matter how much work I do, no matter how much I work on my patience and my temper, if she still wouldn't communicate with me, we would be arguing in a matter of days. And after I realized that, the pain decreased greatly. Yes I would still give anything for a chance with her, but I do realize, unless she can make changes, it would be pointless. She could say "I forgive you for everything and I'm ready to give it a chance", unless she followed up with "and I realize I have a lot of work to do too and I'm finally ready", I would say no.
Author indriyani Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Wow, it's scary how similar our situation is. I'd like to be in the same mind frame as you though, I must be incredibly weak because if my ex called me and asked for me back I'd be in my car racing to where he is at that moment without thinking twice. Did you ever check on that MySpace message, or are you still avoiding it?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'd probably be shot for saying this by the psychological community, but I believe in psychic connections. I think if you think about someone hard enough, and you feel a certain way strong enough, they can feel it. The reason I mention this, is because I entirely think it's possible your ex KNOWS you'd run back in a heartbeat. That could be what turns him off so much. Now, he may know that because of the aforementioned psychic connection, or because you've made it clear with your actions that you'd jump back. When I broke up with my first ex gf, she was ready to run back within 5 minutes. The next day, she was still ready to jump back. After all this time has passed, part of me wishes I took her back. I don't quite know why I'm saying this now, it's basically irrelevant to this context. I do miss her though.
Author indriyani Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I believe in that too, Thomas. And you are probably right, there's just a part of me that is thinking "but if he loved me, why would that be a bad thing?" ... Guess I have my answer with that one.
New_life Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 try not thinking on the good, but the bad everybad thing he had. and write it out. Exit is right, after 2 weeks I have accepted that if she came and told me lets give it a try, I would only say yes if she too had changed. No way to suffer again. Yesterday I got a text saying this: I cant help feeling down, i didnt think this would affect me as much as it is haha. and later: I mean thinks are marching well, but i dont know why i feel like this. I answered after half an hour: I know... its all going to be ok. I guess after time you just give up. I was like you indriyani, fighting and thinking she was the one, and that I couldnt be over. Who knows the future? Just concentrate in feeling better today, be selfish think about YOU.
adamt Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 My relationship was great for all of it apart from the last 4 months when she started distancing herself from me. But you cant turn it back to the good times. Whats done is done and your relationship has take that path for reasons. even if you got back together would it go back to the good times. would they leave again?would that be in the back of your mind. maybe the good times were just the honeymoon period.
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