patcha Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Hey guys. This is about a different girl. Not the same girl I am usually asking for help about. It's going to be long. Please bear with me. I really appreciate all the help. I've known this girl for maybe only 2 weeks or maybe a little more. She's always said she's had a crush on me, since the day she met me. I thought she was just kidding around, because hey, she just met me. We were friends or so I assumed. I did feel smothered by her, but it was hard for me to say "no" to someone who was being very friendly with me. I didn't really have a reason to decline hanging out and spending time with her. As I'm feeling more smothered but still am trying to be nice about it (probably my downfall), I had to get some space. At the time, I was also not feeling well and didn't feel like hanging out with anyone. Except I was hanging out with 2 of my friends who always made me feel better, when I'm sick or just feeling down. The girl finds out about this and totally goes crazy on me. She starts making some snike remarks that I just don't respond to. She writes stuff alluding to me on her Facebook status page that I just completely don't acknowledge. Now. Get this. she is spreading rumors about how I'm a liar and led her on! I know my core friends don't believe any of this, but I do have acquaintances who just look at me in a disgusted way now. She says she is over me, but oh man, I can feel the hate. How could someone go from saying they were crushing on you to totally hating you and wanting to destroy your life?! I've never had something like this happen to me before. I honestly think it's quite petty. correct me with another view of this if you have one. How do I overcome this? Just hold my head up high and act like nothing's going on? I feel simply awful by what this girl is doing. I could swear she is stalking my whereabouts as she is everywhere I go!
Ronni_W Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 One way to try to improve the situation is invite her for a one-on-one. Apologize for having given her the wrong impression. Be honest with her that you have issues around being a people-pleaser (always wanting to be 'nice') and not being able to set healthy boundaries for yourself (have difficulty saying no without feeling guilty.) That's what you revealed about yourself in your post. The reason to tell it to HER is so that, with a bit of luck, she'll find some compassion and be able to "forgive" you (for what she believes you "did to her".) From HER perspective, she sees it as you having led her on but when you give her a different perspective -- that it was about your issues, not anything to do with her -- that kind of self-disclosure usually can help the person who is feeling "wronged". I wouldn't mention any of the crap that she has been pulling -- no need to let her know how to get under your skin! And you could tell her 'thanks' for helping you gain this self-awareness. After that, it is up to you if you want to work on learning how to be assertive, communicate clearly and honestly, and take care of your own wants, needs and preferences in a more sensible/functional way.
Big Pen Is Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 This is a classic case of raging borderline personality diorder. She is the chick from hell. Stay away from her, watch your back and gooooooooood luck.
Author patcha Posted July 26, 2009 Author Posted July 26, 2009 lol thanks. she tried to get back in touch with me, but i was scared and was just civil. i'm not ever contacting her again.
tblucky Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 One way to try to improve the situation is invite her for a one-on-one. Apologize for having given her the wrong impression. Be honest with her that you have issues around being a people-pleaser (always wanting to be 'nice') and not being able to set healthy boundaries for yourself (have difficulty saying no without feeling guilty.) I think this approach always works best. Avoiding people and not being honest with them leads to hurt feelings and unfulfilled expectations.
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