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Is he just not that into me if I gave him ORAL and he is still looking on MATCH.COM ?

possession1

By possession1
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possession1 Member

possession1

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Is he just not that into me if I gave him ORAL ON THE 4TH DATE (been dating off and on for several months long distance so dates were spaced far apart)

and he is still looking on MATCH.COM ?

I feel very depressed because this is a guy who is mid 30s says he wants something serious and basically talked to me online and on the phone every day from date 1 to date 3

 

since our 4th date he has acted more distant

he says i gave him an amazing b job and that he is shocked because he knows im a 'good girl'

but that he knows that wasnt something normal for me to suddenly do.

 

now he is about to leave for the beach with his sisters and didnt invite me

 

weve been friends for a year and last year he took a girl he had only been dating 3 weeks to the beach with his sisters.

 

Is the fact that he's looking on match.com after our 4th date a very bad sign ?

my last boyfriend wanted to be exclusive by the 4th date.

 

go no contact and move on ?

girl68 Established Member

girl68

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Why don't you just not think about it. See if he calls, if he don't then no, he got what he wanted and he's not interested.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Confront him, ask him what's going on, is this still on between you, and are you a couple, even whilst he's away?

 

Any hesitation, deviation, insincerity or stammer-stutter, and - in answer to your question - yes.

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possession1 Member

possession1

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Why don't you just not think about it. See if he calls, if he don't then no, he got what he wanted and he's not interested.

and correction, ive known him years, but been talking on phone for a year

 

 

he's still sending me short emails during the day but has totally stopped with his usual nightly calls.

i actually 'joked' that i missed them

so he called last night but act weird. nothing new or stressful is going on in his life.

usually we talk for 30-60 minutes

last night was 5 minutes tops.

also i left my cell phone at his house and my friends think he may have read thru it and found the old racy texts between me and my exbf (from several months ago when we were still together)

(my boyfriend at the time was exclusive and devoted and we were very free writing fantasies in texts)

 

so its either he decided he wasnt interested enough after oral and/or he snooped on my phone and is weirded out by the sexy texts with my ex

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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.....aaah.

 

I think the mot juste here would be - delete.....:rolleyes:

Lucky_One Established Member

Lucky_One

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Maybe after reading the texts, he realized that maybe you DO just give BJs like that?

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possession1 Member

possession1

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Maybe after reading the texts, he realized that maybe you DO just give BJs like that?

 

 

no.

 

because i was in an exclusive relationship with my exbf and he knows that my exbf was gallant and sweet and courted me for 6 weeks before we did anything.

and he knows how long my exbf courted me.

 

anyway it didnt feel like a 4th date where i barely know the guy

we know everything about each other and he ironically is the wilder one.

he has hooked up with at least 3 girls on the first date last year he told me.

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possession1 Member

possession1

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Maybe after reading the texts, he realized that maybe you DO just give BJs like that?

 

 

and my exbf didnt like bjs because he said he never comes from them

so i hadnt given a bj in over a year !

no wonder i finally wanted to.

:lmao:

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possession1 Member

possession1

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so he called me

 

there feel better

StayinFree Member

StayinFree

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he says i gave him an amazing b job and that he is shocked because he knows im a 'good girl'

 

but that he knows that wasnt something normal for me to suddenly do.

 

This makes it sound like he equates oral sex with not good girl.

That's like high-school in the 60's. It's lame.

 

Maybe you're a naughty girl and should find a boy who appreciates you.

StayinFree Member

StayinFree

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And is guy a bad boy if he enjoys giving oral?

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possession1 Member

possession1

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dammit

now he is back on match right now searching

(my profile is hidden, but i can check what he's doing)

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possession1 Member

possession1

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This makes it sound like he equates oral sex with not good girl.

That's like high-school in the 60's. It's lame.

 

Maybe you're a naughty girl and should find a boy who appreciates you.

 

I ve had intercourse with only 2 guys and Im 31 (and gave oral to less than 5 total)

 

So no a naughty girl

think naughty thoughts a lot, but only do naughty things in an exclusive relationship

 

we were soooooooo close talking all the time i felt bonded.

and again he has emailed me 9 times today

 

im going limited contact

 

too available to him as a friend

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possession1 Member

possession1

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This makes it sound like he equates oral sex with not good girl.

That's like high-school in the 60's. It's lame.

 

Maybe you're a naughty girl and should find a boy who appreciates you.

 

 

woah... and now he's on match again

 

he's just hanging out on it all day

 

im disgusted

 

i did let him know Im disappointed.

maybe i shouldnt have but Im really wide eyed in wonder

 

im a rather sweet smart funny and apparently very attractive chick.

i guess he's trying to 'better deal' me even so.

 

:(

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

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He sounds completely lame with the 'I thought you were a good girl' comment. I mean...c'mon! Datibg should be fun and you're both adults and you can do whatever you want...he needs to ditch his loser hang ups and stop judging. There's so many other cool guys out there who will be upfront and honest and not buy into that type of crap...

 

If I were you, I'd give him a piece of your mind and ask him exactly what is up, then go straight back on Match, as in, right now, and start looking for cute guys to date (as you've said you're attractive and nice, the guys will be knocking down your door and you'll soon forget about this loser).

 

The only other thing I'd mention - he might genuinely be used to a multiple dating culture. I've started doing this myself for the first time EVER in my life (usually I'd meet a guy, and be exclusive immediately) but this time I have played it differently and kept my dating open and WHOA is it great. I am not thinking so hard about the one guy I like, the men of the world (handsome, engaging,etc) are entertaining me, flirting and taking me out to dinner, and the first guy that I like is still in the background but I feel oh so much more cool and confident about him. The only problem is if he sees my online profile is still up, I guess, and gets upset...who knows...but anyway, your guy might think all bets are off unless you bring up this particular conversation - i.e. he might think you're used to the multiple dating thing too, and it might need to be pointed out to him that you're not? Just a thought...

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possession1 Member

possession1

Posted
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He sounds completely lame with the 'I thought you were a good girl' comment. I mean...c'mon! Datibg should be fun and you're both adults and you can do whatever you want...he needs to ditch his loser hang ups and stop judging. There's so many other cool guys out there who will be upfront and honest and not buy into that type of crap...

 

If I were you, I'd give him a piece of your mind and ask him exactly what is up, then go straight back on Match, as in, right now, and start looking for cute guys to date (as you've said you're attractive and nice, the guys will be knocking down your door and you'll soon forget about this loser).

 

The only other thing I'd mention - he might genuinely be used to a multiple dating culture. I've started doing this myself for the first time EVER in my life (usually I'd meet a guy, and be exclusive immediately) but this time I have played it differently and kept my dating open and WHOA is it great. I am not thinking so hard about the one guy I like, the men of the world (handsome, engaging,etc) are entertaining me, flirting and taking me out to dinner, and the first guy that I like is still in the background but I feel oh so much more cool and confident about him. The only problem is if he sees my online profile is still up, I guess, and gets upset...who knows...but anyway, your guy might think all bets are off unless you bring up this particular conversation - i.e. he might think you're used to the multiple dating thing too, and it might need to be pointed out to him that you're not? Just a thought...

 

 

wow !!

he replied to my email and finally is acting *annoyed*

he asked

"uh, what's up with YOU ?"

ok

 

not only is he kinda d1ck he's also clueless.

 

wow

we went on dates, he called them dates.

i mean this is a guy whom Ive talked to hundreds of hours to and our dates totalled nearly 35-40 hours (and only 45 minutes was spent kissing and then doing oral)

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possession1 Member

possession1

Posted
  • Author
Posted
He sounds completely lame with the 'I thought you were a good girl' comment. I mean...c'mon! Datibg should be fun and you're both adults and you can do whatever you want...he needs to ditch his loser hang ups and stop judging. There's so many other cool guys out there who will be upfront and honest and not buy into that type of crap...

 

If I were you, I'd give him a piece of your mind and ask him exactly what is up, then go straight back on Match, as in, right now, and start looking for cute guys to date (as you've said you're attractive and nice, the guys will be knocking down your door and you'll soon forget about this loser).

 

The only other thing I'd mention - he might genuinely be used to a multiple dating culture. I've started doing this myself for the first time EVER in my life (usually I'd meet a guy, and be exclusive immediately) but this time I have played it differently and kept my dating open and WHOA is it great. I am not thinking so hard about the one guy I like, the men of the world (handsome, engaging,etc) are entertaining me, flirting and taking me out to dinner, and the first guy that I like is still in the background but I feel oh so much more cool and confident about him. The only problem is if he sees my online profile is still up, I guess, and gets upset...who knows...but anyway, your guy might think all bets are off unless you bring up this particular conversation - i.e. he might think you're used to the multiple dating thing too, and it might need to be pointed out to him that you're not? Just a thought...

 

thanks for your post. but I already wrote a couple emails about what happened post date.

I thought he was my Cliff Pantone dammit ! ;)

We were as cute as Torrance and Cliff on our first 3 dates.

StayinFree Member

StayinFree

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im a rather sweet smart funny and apparently very attractive chick.

i guess he's trying to 'better deal' me even so.

 

:(

 

reminds me of a Chris Rock skit ... about a big dumb oaf who lands a sweet modelesque girl. She only wants him because she thinks he'll appreciate her and be more trustworthy ... and stop looking around.

 

But the first thing the jerk thinks of is that he must be a stud-miffin to get her. ... now he's lookin around to find something even better to trade her in for.

 

He won't realize the truth until he screws up what he had. :)

 

Just trade him up!

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

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Haha! Stayinfree, that actually happened to me once...I know because the guy came back a few months later and told me that's what happened (except he got no luck hehe!).

 

Ahhh possession 1, cliff n torrance, now that was cute!!

BobSacamento Established Member

BobSacamento

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Ah the perils of online dating. Because there's so little work involved there's no reason not to try for something better.

 

Perhaps you might want to change your hidden function before your left alone.

worldtravelbug New Member

worldtravelbug

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babe, you need to go through this website to learn how and why men work the way they do. Its funny too....go through his archives, lots of lessons to learn.

 

 

http://manslations.com/ He translates why men do not call, leave you after getting sex, want to be with you even after sex on the first date, why they want you as a'friend' but still have sex....and all the other excuses out there.

 

Hope it helps :)

 

Another book to read is of course, "he's just not that into you" and " what men want". What men want pissed me off though, they make it sound like the girl needs to sacrifice her comfort and happiness becuase 'boys are boys'. I don't agree with this. Try the website first...and really unless a man is only into you (calling you every day, making dates, calling you his gf, introducing you to friends and dare I say saying ' I love you') do NOT put yourself out there like that, unless thats what you want and you're feelings won't be hurt if he loses interest.

 

 

I didn't kiss my bf for 2.5 months and didn't have sex with him for four months, until he said 'i love you' and I knew he ment it. LOL, making a 35 year old horndog wait for sex was like watching a dog in heat. He sure begged for it! But, I didn't do anything until I felt ready and comfortable. If he left because he wasn't getting sex than he really was not that into me, he would have left anyway at a later date. NOw I know I have a man who really wants to be with me, sex or no sex.

 

Except now he can't keep up. Haha. So, for you to be happy, you first make sure you do exactly what you want to do and not let a man pressure you into anything.

 

Good luck!

BobSacamento Established Member

BobSacamento

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If a guy is going to get head and he doesn't even say "Time for me to return the favor"

 

That's a deal breaker ladies.

StayinFree Member

StayinFree

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I didn't kiss my bf for 2.5 months and didn't have sex with him for four months, until he said 'i love you' and I knew he ment it. LOL, making a 35 year old horndog wait for sex was like watching a dog in heat. He sure begged for it! But, I didn't do anything until I felt ready and comfortable. If he left because he wasn't getting sex than he really was not that into me, he would have left anyway at a later date. NOw I know I have a man who really wants to be with me, sex or no sex.

 

 

You did that too??? :)

 

I made my gf wait several months too ... before I let her kiss me.

She was like watching a bitch in heat ... she begged for it too!

But I didn't give it too her either until I felt ready and comfortable too.

Then when I finally let her have it ... I knew she really loved me for my brains, character and ... and ... well you know all that other stuff ... but not for (just) the sex.

 

Doesn't this sound really selfish and stupid when a man says it? :)

.

Lucky_One Established Member

Lucky_One

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The only intimate time you have had equalled 45 minutes, and that included a blowjob?

 

I swear I am going to stop reading here. No wonder women are basket-cases!! What ever happened to women respecting themselves and their bodies, and learning about someone else and laughing together and hanging out and building chemistry and kissing kissing kissing for hours, until your chins are raw and your lips are swollen, and the slightest touch of his fingers on your collarbone makes you shuuder?

 

FWB! ONS! FB! It's all about putting out, and thinking that you can make a man fall in love with you like that. What is the deal with THAT??

Jilly Bean Established Member

Jilly Bean

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Your problem here is that you put out, and you thought it implied some type of exclusivity or commitment.

 

Since you never had the talk, and in his mind, were clearly dating, he now views you as being a bit easy (which may turn him off).

 

Next time, be sure the guy you are being intimate with is also in agreement of exclusivity, and then you will avoid this whole situation.

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