Lyssa Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Is it worth the risk? Lishy, you gotta take the risk. What have you got to lose? If it doesn't go the way you wanted it to, pick yourself up and start over. You can't live your life in fear of dating..
stepka Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Ah Lishy, I could have written that post myself, and I've got to say that it is even worse if I've had sex with him, even if I went into it thinking we'd just be FWB. I've discovered that I'm not wired for casual sex, as someone else here put it so elegantly. So you never did mention whether sex was involved, but if it was, try stepping back from that for longer than you have in the past and making sure that there's a relationship before you jump in.
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 No I have not had sex with him and have no intention of doing so unless I know there is a chance of it going somewhere. I have been there and done that and it is not good for me! He did not text at all today and it is 10.30pm I am not worrying, I am not worrying hahahha
torranceshipman Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Lishy, you really sound like me. I've been conscious that I do this myself and it's bothered me, and the thing that makes me stop is a) keeping busy and b) multiple dating. Whilst I'd prefer a 1 date kind of dating approach, when I multiple date (even after I've found the one guy I like more than the rest) I simply don't obsess over the original guy...I feel cooler and happily entertained about the continuation of flirting/dating with the other guys and it just totally works better for me. I don't know if it is getting that attention fix, or just that I get bored v.easily and always need stimulation, or what...but multiple dating basically seems to fix all the problems (or being genuinely busy doing other stuff). I personally go for (generally) good guys so I don't even think in your case it might be a going for the bad guy kinda thing - I think it is just something in our personalities that looks for stimulation - so don't limit yourself to dating just the one guy. Of course as soon as he says; lets be exclusive' you can be!-and that is probably also more likely to happen when you are giving himt he vibe that you like him, but are in demand.
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I am so glad I am not the only one who is like this! I hate feeling this way ... He told me one day he cant stop thinking about me and then doesnt contact me!! grrrr why are men so confusing! Surely it should be easy??
dreamergrl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I am so glad I am not the only one who is like this! I hate feeling this way ... He told me one day he cant stop thinking about me and then doesnt contact me!! grrrr why are men so confusing! Surely it should be easy?? I think you are also like me, in the aspect that the RIGHT man will make us feel at ease.
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 We are not even dating and I am stressing! No wonder I have such big men issues hahha One day of no contact and I feel weird! Maybe I have instigated contact too much or maybe I seemed too keen without realising? Maybe I need to get a life and stop fretting lol
Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I think that anxiety is your subconscious telling you that you are worried that you like him WAY more than he likes you, and that it's probably right. That's been my personal experience, anyway. I'd run the other way if I felt that feeling again.
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I think you could be right Star! One thing I know about men is that when they want you they let you know! I should go with my gut and know I probably have a reason to feel how I do and when the right man comes along it will not be this anxiety provoking!
Star Gazer Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I don't know about you, Lishy, but when I experienced that anxiety, it almost took over my life. I was constantly checking my phone, my email, my MS/FB, I wasn't making plans in advance with others in the hopes that he'd call/ask me out, etc. He monopolized my thoughts, even my work suffered. Several different guys did this to me. Eventually I just had to snap out of it, and realize it flat out wasn't healthy to feel that way. Excited, and giddy, and gushy, yes. But nervous, and worrisome, and anxious - no.
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 The more I think about it the more I realise that I have nothing to worry about anyway ... If he is meant to be then he will be! If not he leaves the door open for the right one !! I am not being realistic expecting to to contact me every day anyway. I need to breatheeeeeee and chill out!
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I keep saying this time and again but here I am doing it again. Lishy, each time you've had something not work out, have you survived? Are you still Lishy?
torranceshipman Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 You know what...I could be completely off base with this, but maybe the guys go crazy for us when we're just ourselves, and kinda cool - but y'know, normal cool (as in, not super invested yet). But then we get really invested or bothered about what they say/do too quick, and then they pick up on this and see us reacting differently and aren't so attracted by that...and their interest wanes a bit. Maybe they need more time before they can happily pick up on these signals. I kinda wondered about this as I have a pattern of getting exclusive and interested early on, the guy pulling back, me giving up as they don't reciprocate in the exact same way I do, then them coming back at a later date and plugging away a lot trying to get the magic back between us (lol) but by then of course, the moment has passed for me and I also think 'man he's not that cute, what was I thinking!' haha! Maybe I expect too much too quick and they need a bit more time, and if that happened, there'd be a happy medium and we'd stay together. So I'd recommend that you still date other guys so you are emotionally a bit distant and less invested, and don't even think about stopping until the guy makes it VERY clear that he wants exclusivity... and I bet you that the interest level with him will stay up whenever you do this...
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I don't know about you, Lishy, but when I experienced that anxiety, it almost took over my life. I was constantly checking my phone, my email, my MS/FB, I wasn't making plans in advance with others in the hopes that he'd call/ask me out, etc. He monopolized my thoughts, even my work suffered. Several different guys did this to me. Eventually I just had to snap out of it, and realize it flat out wasn't healthy to feel that way. Excited, and giddy, and gushy, yes. But nervous, and worrisome, and anxious - no. That is just how I feel! I cant stand it! Tell me, what was the outcome with the guys you felt that way about? The last time I felt like this was with my FWB, and we all know how that mess turned out! I am feeling myself snap out of it the more I talk about it
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I keep saying this time and again but here I am doing it again. Lishy, each time you've had something not work out, have you survived? Are you still Lishy? Hell yeah, I survived! You are right (as per) I need to know it does not matter what the outcome is, I will survive no matter what! Power to the LishMeister hahhahahha
Trialbyfire Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Hell yeah, I survived! You are right (as per) I need to know it does not matter what the outcome is, I will survive no matter what! Power to the LishMeister hahhahahha You bet darlin'! You're still the same Lishy as you were before and afterwards. All your positive traits remain the same. So, what do you do with the silly, negative thoughts? You ditch'em, like yesterday's news!
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Torrence, you are also right but I know I have just been me, I cant be anyone else! He sent me a text the other day saying that he was worried I was still in love with my ex and he was worried I would break his heart! Why say that and not contact me all day? It is all so confusing (by the way I explained all to him about my ex and how we are done)
2sunny Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 if you make yourself unavailable he will probably want you more. make him chase - until you catch him!!! he he if hr really is interested - he would be making much more effort than he is. problem is, you haven't given him any reason he needs to chase harder. he just figures your hanging around waiting for him to be ready... make him wonder AND worry.
Cora Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I have had 2 really bad relationships one after another and I have noticed something about myself that I do not like. I have been talking to a guy who I have liked for years and before my relationship with my last boyfriend I made out with this guy and our attraction has always been there even when I was with my last boyfriend if we saw each other that spark was still there. Anyway, we have been texting and calling each other for the last few weeks and that is all good BUT I have noticed that when he does not text me by, say early evening I start feeling anxious. I cant explain this feeling, we are not dating but we are meeting up Saturday night. Then when he texts the anxious feeling goes. Also if I text him and he does not reply I get anxious ... why is this? Is this normal? when any of the above happens I start to think to myself that I will just not bother anymore and will not call or text him and i know its silly. I cant even really explain how I feel This is not the first time I have felt this way .. Maybe I am addicted to the way that emotionally damaged guys are so full on in the beginning and when that does not happen I feel weird, I dont know but I am feeling anxious now because he did not text me much last night yet the night before he told me he could not stop thinking about me! I also dont believe anything that men say, if they say it I disect it! Maybe I need to be locked up hahahha All I can say is that if this isn't normal I need to be locked up as well! Heck, I should have been locked up a long time ago.
Star Gazer Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Tell me, what was the outcome with the guys you felt that way about? Let's just say... NOT GOOD. I'd even go as far to say that each guy got progressively worse (I guess I just wanted so badly for my gut instinct to actually be wrong about a guy ), until one day, I just decided that if a guy made me feel that way, I wouldn't see him again. I just didn't want to feel that way, so I decided not to. Only way not to, is to not let those guys who make me feel that way in my life. A week later, I met my BF. I kept waiting for that anxious feeling, but I never had it. I got excited, and giddy, and couldn't wait to hear from him and see him, but in my gut I ALWAYS KNEW (and still know) that I'd hear from him again. I didn't have that, "Ooooohhh, let me find some lame ass reason to call/text/email/MS/FB him so that he won't forget about me," feeling that I had with the guys who made me anxious and nervous. You know that feeling, that desperate feeling. UGH. Well, the right guy won't ever forget about you, or let you get too far away. I promise you that.
Mary3 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Lishy ! Girl, you have to take that fear and dissolve it from your soul. The fear is making you and controlling you. Can you give a sample of your texting ? Who is the initiator. ? Its time to play Coy. Where you can live without him and act like it. ( Not into playing games but this is crucial, incase this guy is just digging the attention and has nothing more to offer ) It matters NOT what happened in your past, for you and I both had this exact same problem. Get your hands on everything you can read and Join Christian Carter , he's got some great tapes . You need to do what silence boy is doing to you : Text him 3 hours later NOT immediately. Its as if he thinks you are sitting by your phone with rapid response. Now if he were your bf you would respond sooner. Point is : Make him think you have a very busy full life. Guys want a girl with her life full and amazing . They really do !
evaG Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Let's just say... NOT GOOD. I'd even go as far to say that each guy got progressively worse (I guess I just wanted so badly for my gut instinct to actually be wrong about a guy ), until one day, I just decided that if a guy made me feel that way, I wouldn't see him again. I just didn't want to feel that way, so I decided not to. Only way not to, is to not let those guys who make me feel that way in my life. A week later, I met my BF. I kept waiting for that anxious feeling, but I never had it. I got excited, and giddy, and couldn't wait to hear from him and see him, but in my gut I ALWAYS KNEW (and still know) that I'd hear from him again. I didn't have that, "Ooooohhh, let me find some lame ass reason to call/text/email/MS/FB him so that he won't forget about me," feeling that I had with the guys who made me anxious and nervous. You know that feeling, that desperate feeling. UGH. Well, the right guy won't ever forget about you, or let you get too far away. I promise you that. I've dated two guys that made me feel this way. The most recent one we broke up some 5 days ago after a year and half relationship. He would never initiate doing anything with me and I'd always find some excuse to message him. God, what a miserable feeling. With good reason too, both guys that made me feel this way cheated on me. So I'm taking a break from dating, and I suggest the same for you. You sound like you have nothing better to do but wait on your guy. Don't do that, guys find it very unappealing. Go out and develop who YOU are instead of what your guy is making you become.
whichwayisup Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Then when he texts the anxious feeling goes. This guy is bringing out an unhealthy emotion inside of you. There's an odd dynamtic building up and my gut tells me for you to really take it slow..
BlueEyedGirl Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I have felt like this about every guy I dated that I actually liked. The only way that I will not feel this is when I am not that into a guy. Either that, or establishing a long term pattern of my fears being proven wrong each and every time and even then I will get somewhat anxious. The thing is, I start feeling this anxiety after a guy hasn't responded to my text for about 5-10mins and it grows from there. I think that me feeling this way doesn't prove that someone is not into me, but rather I have my own insecurities of not being able to believe that someone I like actually likes me back. I even get anxious after a friend doesn't reply for a while and start wondering if this friend has ditched me. Hell, even when my mother doesn't call when she says she will I start fearing that she has gotten sick of me too. So I am just saying that *sometimes* it is your own insecurity.
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