Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I have had 2 really bad relationships one after another and I have noticed something about myself that I do not like. I have been talking to a guy who I have liked for years and before my relationship with my last boyfriend I made out with this guy and our attraction has always been there even when I was with my last boyfriend if we saw each other that spark was still there. Anyway, we have been texting and calling each other for the last few weeks and that is all good BUT I have noticed that when he does not text me by, say early evening I start feeling anxious. I cant explain this feeling, we are not dating but we are meeting up Saturday night. Then when he texts the anxious feeling goes. Also if I text him and he does not reply I get anxious ... why is this? Is this normal? when any of the above happens I start to think to myself that I will just not bother anymore and will not call or text him and i know its silly. I cant even really explain how I feel This is not the first time I have felt this way .. Maybe I am addicted to the way that emotionally damaged guys are so full on in the beginning and when that does not happen I feel weird, I dont know but I am feeling anxious now because he did not text me much last night yet the night before he told me he could not stop thinking about me! I also dont believe anything that men say, if they say it I disect it! Maybe I need to be locked up hahahha
Bejita463 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I also dont believe anything that men say, if they say it I disect it! I don't really have any input on the rest of your post, unfortunately. This however, needs to stop if you want to ever have a relationship that is worth having. No guy worth keeping is likely to put up with constantly being questioned for long.
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I dont disect it with them lol I disect it in my own mind and then just dont believe it!
lilly83 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Unfortunatley no one can understand or describe this feeling and it is something that a lot of people get. I think that it is due to you being hurt in the past and you are just now a little scared of getting hurt again and are wondering if this is going to happen again and are scared that they are not interested in you. It is nothing to worry about and a lot of people go through it. The best thing to do is keep your self occupied and do other things/keep your self busy so that you can take your mind off of things/him and so that you are not sittting around waiting for the message or call. When you sit around and wait it makes things worse and it also makes the time go slower. The best thing to do in this situation is just to relax, let him take the lead, have some fun and keep your self busy. If you dont relax you end up getting tense like you are and it just makes it harder and guys also pick up on this and it can scare them/make you look like you are desperate. Take it in turns with contacting each other first and remember if he does not reply or takes a long time to reply it does not mean that he is not intersted he is just busy or not picked up on the message. Just remember dating is fun, it is about new experiences, playing games and meeting new people and if it does not work out/go any further then it is not meant to be but the right person will eventually come along. Just have fun, see how things go and enjoy your self.
Bejita463 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I dont disect it with them lol I disect it in my own mind and then just dont believe it! Unless you dig on unintelligent guys, the fact you don't believe what they say will become apparent on its own. Maybe not right away, but eventually.
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 It is like I am just waiting for the guy to come along who proves that not all men are the same! I know I need to chill out but it is not easy for me Maybe I am not ready to get involved with anyone yet?
TaraMaiden Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Not necessarily. I think experience brings us a healthy dose of cynicism. You know - Fooled once, you're the idiot, fooled twice, I'm the idiot.... The thing is to liberate yourself to enjoy life a little bit more. Not to look at every male who comes along as potential permanent fixture, but to simply enjoy their company, stay safe, expect little, and take things as they come. Actions speak louder than words, and their follow-up action-responses will tell you what you need to know. But to hear ecverything and think "huh, I bet!" does them a disservice, and deprives you of possible promise. Being armed against deception is a good thing. Shooting yourself in the foot, is a pity! Try to relax more, and just let the good times roll!
lora22 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Lishy, I feel like I could've written that post myself! Everyone here gave you really good advice, or at least what I try to do to keep myself in check! This might sound weird, but it helps me, even when you're just dating someone, and not in love. I just remind myself that "love" isn't an emotion, it's a biochemical response, it is an addiction, and most importantly it doesn't last: it has a shelf-life of up to two years I think?
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Wow you are all so right! Why do I care? I should just enjoy it day by day and not care where it is going! Fate will take me where I am going anyway and there is nothing I can do to stop it! Lora you are so right about the love thing ... I am so worried about being hurt again that I am stopping myself from just enjoying myself! Lilly and Tara, you are both so right too! Thank you so much guys x
dreamergrl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Lishy, I'm the same way! I get the same anxious feeling. I've also been in BAD relationships. I think it's always waiting for the 'other shoe to drop'. Waiting for the bad to come, we expect it. We pick apart the situation to figure out every possibility so we are prepared for the worse! I've been taking my break from guys... letting the stress of 'dating' (even though I know you mentioned it's not dating for you, but you like him.. so kinda the same thing) get off my back for a while. I've went out a few times with friends, not having any expectations, and it's been great. Like baby steps. Sure some crap came up that made me feel dumb, but I was able to let it roll off my shoulders easier.
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Yessssssss DG that is it exactly! If I imagine the worst I will not get too hurt yet by imagining the worst I must be giving over a certain attitude and it cant be nice for the guy! Guys who are emotionally damaged come on really quick and full from the start and that is what I am used to I guess so when it goes at a slow pace I just see lack of interest Arghhhh I can't win! I should become a nun!
dreamergrl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I can identify with you soooo much. I'm still trying to figure it all out. But it's been getting better. Have you tried taking a break from dating?
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Yeah I didnt even get into this deliberately, it just sort of crept up on me! I have not heard from him today and I feel antsy and I shouldnt! Arghhhhh, we are not even dating just text flirting and phoning each other!
alphamale Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Maybe I need to be locked up hahahha you mean locked up without your cell phone naah all this stuff is normal, if you didn't like this guy you would be having none of these feelings
dreamergrl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Take some deep breaths and try to stay busy! What type of guy is he? Does he resemble past bfs?
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 So its normal? Really? It seems a bit obsessive to me and I dont like it! I really just cant get over the feeling he will really hurt me and lie to me like my ex did! I really cant get that out of my head
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I dont know him well enough to know what he is like and I feel scared to get to know him
dreamergrl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 So its normal? Really? It seems a bit obsessive to me and I dont like it! If it feels obsessive, trust your gut. It's good that you can see this. Yeah, I mean it is some what normal to be excited over a guy, but the overly anxious feeling comes from some where else. I really just cant get over the feeling he will really hurt me and lie to me like my ex did! I really cant get that out of my head Then chances are, you are not over your ex. If you want to pursue this guy, you gotta step back and realize he's not your ex. It's okay to keep your guard up, but not in the sense where you can't let anything in. You got to find a happy medium. Don't go all in. Take it little by little. If you don't think you can do that, then I'd step back and wait a while before going forward.
dreamergrl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I dont know him well enough to know what he is like and I feel scared to get to know him Well sometimes we need to set aside our fears and open up the doors. You'll never know unless you try. You don't have to rush in Lishy. Put one foot in the door first. Test the waters.
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I am not over my ex 100% - I would never take him back but I am not over what he did to me. I think I would feel upset but relieved if the new guy just didnt call anymore! That is sad really as I do fancy the pants off him!
dreamergrl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Well what is it that you want when your texting and flirting?
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 to date him! Then when he slows it down or does not respond quick enough I feel weird!
dreamergrl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Okay, do you feel like you can put aside some of your fears, and date him?
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Say he doesnt want to date me? Say he will meet me and I will really like him even more and then he just lies to me and dumps me? Is it worth the risk?
dreamergrl Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 If he doesn't want to date you, then it's HIS LOSS. That's something you need to keep in mind. Be confident in yourself. Don't go in thinking you have him, but don't go in thinking you don't have him. Find the middle ground. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "Damn, I'm a good person". I fear rejection all the time too Lishy, but I too have to realize that I can't let that keep me from trying. You wont get any where if you don't try.
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