Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 it had been 4 days of NC when she found out i had heard some horrible stuff she had been saying so emailed to appologise, i wrote one back saying its ok i understand ( i had given her some reasons to be horrible) i didnt expect anything back but she emailed me last night saying that i hope by me not contacting you its helping. we then got into a conversation with me asking if we could be friends one day to her reply i dont know. she says shes becoming really ill from stress on not knowing how i am and wanting me to be ok and not knowing how im coping. she eneded it saying shes not ready for chatting yet and shes sorry but she will speak to me soon. what do i make too all this?
dxb Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 She's mucking with your head. All women who dump men do this. They ditch you and then suddenly realise they quite liked being able to interfere with your life and have an effect on you and they realise they've just lost that power. Trust me, she'll string you out with vague platitiudes about concern for you, that she really 'cares' about you and she'll dangle the carrot of reconciliation...while riding some other donkey. Ok, not the best metaphor, sorry! But look, the point is all she's doing is trying to find a way to retain some sort of emotional control over you without having to put in the emotional investment demanded by a relationship. The reason she's 'not ready to chat' is partly because she's probably feeling messed up anyway (even if you're the breaker, it's hard if you do actually care) but also because in an email, you can carefully think out and structure what you want to say without interruption or unexpected challenges that require quick thinking. This means email is a great way to carefully manipulate you. She'll speak to you soon? Don't bother. All you'll hear are things like "I feel so bad about this" or "you'll always have a special place in my heart" and it'll all be about making HER feel better, not you. You can't be friends with someone you love. So don't bother. But you can fall in love with someone who's your friend. Just remember that.
wontgohomewou Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 LOL dude your ex is messing with your head BIG TIME. Continue NC, and when I mean NC I don't mean replying to her emails. As a matter of fact, don't even read her emails, texts, dont pick up her phone calls, dont do ANYTHING related to her. By applying NC, you are giving yourself a chance to move on. If you keep talking to her you're going to get your heart broken over and over and over again. What girls do is keep you for comfort while they move on themselves. You really are just going to be hurt in the long run, trust me when I say this, I've been through it. Stop communication now! Move on and enjoy your life again. Once a girl breaks your heart there shouldn't ever be a second chance. But you're not going to listen to this advice anyway so I just wasted 5 minutes of my life
moo Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Maybe she is just being kind. I wish my ex was that way with me. I didn't know which end was up. First, he was my boyfriend, then a stranger. His sudden NC without any explanations increased my pain 145 times.
wontgohomewou Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Maybe she is just being kind. I wish my ex was that way with me. I didn't know which end was up. First, he was my boyfriend, then a stranger. His sudden NC without any explanations increased my pain 145 times. Did you dump him or get dumped?
Author Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 she broke up with me because i was too clingy and wouldnt give her any space, but that was a long time ago and we had been friends since that still slept together and did everything together, everyday, it was only when i kept pushing her to be back with me and going on and on at her did she get made and say we shouldnt talk untill i was over her. since then i pestered her a lot last week untill i finally realised not talking was the best for both of us. i was her first love and everything and she is a really nice girl who isnt with anyone else and from what i know doesnt plan on being with anyone else for a long time as she wants to concentrate on finishing uni. i still want her badly but am unsure on what she wants, she says she'll speak to me soon but i dont know. i would rather have her as a friend than nothing if anyone understands?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 i would rather have her as a friend than nothing if anyone understands? This statement, although to some would seem like an act of love, shows me why she thinks you're too clingy. This speaks volumes of your mentality. You SHOULDN'T want to be friends. You SHOULDN'T want to accept that. You're basically saying you want to be her toy, whatever, as long as she still lets you feed on her scraps and talk to you. You wanna be her friend? You want her to tell you when she dates other guys? What the ****? Do you see why she thinks you're desperate/clingy? No self respecting guy would allow this. You are on a self destructive path. Go straight NC. Burn my words into your head, because although you're going to face more pain at first because of them, it will ultimately save you so much pain. Or ignore my words, and come back and testify in a few months how bad you wish you listened.
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