dissuasion Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 but you have the opportunity to help mold an individual who could bring about wonderful and fantastic changes to this world. Why should we wait for our kids to bring about fantastic changes to this overpopulated world? I think we need to try to do it ourselves first...
Eve Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Why should we wait for our kids to bring about fantastic changes to this overpopulated world? I think we need to try to do it ourselves first... One could argue very well that children are an extension of 'ourselves'... but not so that just anyone will consider having a child. I agree emphatically that not all people are mothering or fathering material. However, I dont agree that these people in their absence of experience are somehow superior. From experience I think not and for the greater part I have agreed with their 'choice'... mainly because often it is not a choice as such, rather something to do with fear. Interestingly this 'fear' is not restrained to their own perceptions but based on an unusually intense judgement of another person. Much the same as those who are very verbally against religion/anything else they take a fancy to. I consider to be driven by fear the worst deficiency by far and so do not take persons as such seriously unless evidence that their decison is not fear based is adequately eliminated. In essence, I respect those who push past their fear reflex and do well far more than those who dont. Not just with the issue of raising well balanced human beings. Being critical of my own view, I suppose that money/extra holidays etc are not massive motivators for me. A room is a room to me. Its what you do within it that counts. So, I shall always respect the true mothers of this world. Without which even the opposed would not exist. Take care, Eve xx
bluewolf17 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I am 26 and don't have children, and don't currently want them. Though I wouldn't be suprised if that changes. My first thought is that the word "selfish" is often thrown around like it's a bad thing. Like it's selfish to pro-create (ie, I want one of my own, with my own genes...) when there are so many children to be adopted and the world being very populated. There truly is no need for everyone to have children. On the other hand, people say it's selfish to not have kids..like you must only care about yourself and not have the capacity to love others more than yourself. Why is being selfish bad? What's the diffrence between selfish and self interest? (on this topic at least). Personally, I don't care either way. If you want to have kids, for the love of god do a good job. Love your kids, prepare for them financially as much as you can, and make them the best people around. If you choose not to have kids then don't let others opinions deter you. Live your full life. I am not in the beleif that a childless person has any less of a fullfilling life than one with children. Go ahead-make yourself happy anyway you want. My two cents. Sorry for any typos..two many mojitos. I don't have kids and I get to do that late on a Thursday night;)
KikiW Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I always ever wanted one child. I got her. I am perfectly happy with her. I am a believer in zero population growth, considering how many humans there are on the planet right now. And then something up and changed my life, and I'm in the middle of a divorce and trying to kickstart a new life with someone else. He'd like to have another child with me, I am not opposed. But realistically, I think once we get through our "stuff" and get on track financially, I think I will be kind of past the age at which I will be comfortable being pregnant again. I have several friends that are childless by choice, and I think it's great that they have made that decision and are perfectly happy with it. I think people who get nasty about someone else's child situation is being rude and should keep their nose out of it. It's strange, but when I had my daughter, a LOT of people said "so when you having the next kid?" as though that was a given. When I told them the shop was closed, they would look at me like a was a lobster and say something dismissive like "oh well you'll change your mind..." Jerks.
itisjccole Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 seeing my little brothers and sisters everyday makes my day. even how pressed i am at work. can never be at home with no smiles/laughter. been wanting to have my own kids ever. but i guess it depends when you are ready to have them or not. everyone is entitled to his/her own choice.
Nuala83 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I recommend reading 'Childfree and loving it' by Nicki Defago. It highlights all the wonderful things about not having children and what comes across most in the book is the lack of regret people have over their decision not to procreate. Regret is something the 'mummy mafia' use quite a lot to try and recruit new members. I know I've been told "You'll regret it one day" but I happen to know a few older childfree women and not one of them has expressed one ounce of regret. Living your life simply to please others is one of the biggest mistakes I think a person can make.
bluewolf17 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Nuala, I read that book! Pretty interesting stuff. By the way (off topic) I read about your ex. How the tables have turned! Good for you. VERY proud of you.
Tayla Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I sooo sit midway on this topic! I have two adult sons. Never once regretting it or thinking it wasn't the life role I was meant to play. I also have an endearing friend that knew from a young age she never wanted kids. Was she selfish. You bet ya! Was she extremely talented and intelligent. You bet ya! Was she at all maternal...Nope! Not in the least. She was uncomfortable around kids and made no qualms to keep them at a distant. I learned to regard her action as a choice. She made a healthy choice to not have kids and I think more adults need to learn its a choice BEFORE commiting to parenting. For I have seen folks that have kids and have NO clue how to parent or BE a parent. Her choice worked in her favor. Her career and marriage are rock solid. She has loving family and friends and is a contributing member in the community. Our friendship is actually an admiration of our extreme difference in life roles. Bottom line though is we admire and learn.
Kenyth Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I would never harass someone about deciding not to have kids. It's a very important decision and not to be taken lightly. Properly preventing unwanted pregnancy is a resposibility too many don't take seriously.
C-i-C-u Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Self loathing: they realize that they suck as human beings, so they are terrified that their little tricycle engines will be as screwed up as they are. I honestly, do not understand why self loathing people wouldn't want to have children. Normally self loathing people want to bring more misery into this world and what better way; then to find someone like you and have multiple children all growing to be the same as you?
stillafool Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I guess as long as they keep showing shows like "The Nanny" and "SuperNanny" women will continue to question whether to have children or not.
bluewolf17 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I guess as long as they keep showing shows like "The Nanny" and "SuperNanny" women will continue to question whether to have children or not. I have never seen either show, but I don't want kids. (at this point anyhow).
DefiningSilence Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I guess as long as they keep showing shows like "The Nanny" and "SuperNanny" women will continue to question whether to have children or not. And this is a bad thing, why?
stillafool Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 And this is a bad thing, why? Hey you don't have to ask me that question. I don't have kids and never wanted any and don't regret it one bit. But if you do want kids and watch those shows you probably won't want any and if you don't want kids you definitely won't want them after watching those shows.
missdependant Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 some people don't.. and i don't give them grief for it, it's a personal choice just like whether or not you ever want to get married, what you want to do when you grow up, etc. i don't get why some people who DON'T want kids act like people who DO want kids are stupid or insane though.. yes, some people want kids. some people don't. big deal. personally, i want one child. i want somewhere to put all my love, and i want to give a wonderful life to my child. what's wrong with that? btw, when a kid is bratty, it's because their parents or care takers MADE them bratty. people do not realize that children are actually very innocent beings. their environment is what corrupts them.
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I'm a 32 year old woman who has never wanted, and doesn't ever plan on having children. Why do you think people have so many opinions about this. What is yours?My opinion is that people who don't want kids shouldn't have them. Kids aren't a necessity to a fulfilling life. I don't know why people insist that everyone is the same.
Angel1111 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 People have strong opinions about it because they know that in the end, family is pretty much all that matters. Your family are the ones you'll end up with and they're the ones who will always take care of you and be there for you. You're probably making a huge mistake by not having children, but if you already have a big extended family, you'll probably be fine. Once you figure out you've made a mistake, it'll be too late to fix it.
sweetjasmine Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 You're probably making a huge mistake by not having children, but if you already have a big extended family, you'll probably be fine. Once you figure out you've made a mistake, it'll be too late to fix it. That goes both ways: "You're probably making a huge mistake by having children [...]. Once you figure out you've made a mistake, it'll be too late to fix it."
stillafool Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 People have strong opinions about it because they know that in the end, family is pretty much all that matters. Your family are the ones you'll end up with and they're the ones who will always take care of you and be there for you. You're probably making a huge mistake by not having children, but if you already have a big extended family, you'll probably be fine. Once you figure out you've made a mistake, it'll be too late to fix it. Yeah, tell that to all the old people who sit in nursing homes waiting for their kids to some day come by and visit them. I see it every week when I visit my aunt and it's sad.
stillafool Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 some people don't.. and i don't give them grief for it, it's a personal choice just like whether or not you ever want to get married, what you want to do when you grow up, etc. i don't get why some people who DON'T want kids act like people who DO want kids are stupid or insane though.. yes, some people want kids. some people don't. big deal. personally, i want one child. i want somewhere to put all my love, and i want to give a wonderful life to my child. what's wrong with that? btw, when a kid is bratty, it's because their parents or care takers MADE them bratty. people do not realize that children are actually very innocent beings. their environment is what corrupts them. Actually I think it's the opposite. I never hear people say to people who have kids "why did you have children"? Yet people always ask me and other married women why we don't have kids. I think people who don't have children may think "why did you have those brats" but would be too afraid to say that in fear of hurting one's feelings. However people with children never care if they are hurting your feelings or not when they ask why you didn't have kids. It's a very personal decision and some women want children but can't have them and those types of questions hurt.
anne1707 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 People have strong opinions about it because they know that in the end, family is pretty much all that matters. Your family are the ones you'll end up with and they're the ones who will always take care of you and be there for you. You're probably making a huge mistake by not having children, but if you already have a big extended family, you'll probably be fine. Once you figure out you've made a mistake, it'll be too late to fix it. I hope I am wrong but to me that sounds like you think people should have children so that they will look after them when they are old. Seems rather selfish to me.
Enema Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I hope I am wrong but to me that sounds like you think people should have children so that they will look after them when they are old. Seems rather selfish to me. My in-laws use this one unabashedly as a line to try and get my wife and I to have kids. "If you don't have kids, who's going to take care of you when you're old?" I made it very clear before we got married that no parents would ever be moving in with us. The other line they use is, "Please, give us grandchildren". As if it's something we need to do for them in gratitude. No thanks, my life is about me.
Sam Spade Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Not having any kids is a perfectly valid choice, but I personally find it hard to justify it in non-selfish terms. In my mind, it would be justified if I was doing something with my life that was at the same time so significant (in servivce of others, for example) and so demanding so that it would preclude me from being able to raise a normal family. Conversely, not having kids just so I could have more free time and money to play is not really something I would wish to be remembered by and certainly wouldn't expected to be respected for. My point being is that for me the decision rule boils down to what kind of legacy I want to leave. If I was mother teresa, fighting terrorists in afganistan, etc. etc. etc. I probably would not want to have kids. But, since I have a normal job/calling, I want part of my legacy to be raising a decent human being and a productive member of society to hopefully make it better.
sweetjasmine Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Not having any kids is a perfectly valid choice, but I personally find it hard to justify it in non-selfish terms. I don't. There are already too many people on the planet, and producing your own children just for the sake of passing on your genetic material is selfish if it means creating people who are going to use up even more of the already limited resources we have left. Having children would mean you're contributing to pollution and depletion of resources. You could also argue that there are already millions of unwanted children in orphanages or up for adoption. Those children don't have homes or parents/families who want them. So having your own children to pass on your own genes when there are plenty of children who are already living and have no one is arguably selfish.
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