LittleJ Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'm a 32 year old woman who has never wanted, and doesn't ever plan on having children. Why do you think people have so many opinions about this. What is yours?
TaraMaiden Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 GOOD FOR YOU!! Stick to your guns, and thank people for their opinion, but you'd rather spend quarter-of-a-million on yourself, rather than on anyone else! (Do NOT get me started!)
GorillaTheater Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Personally, I like kids and hugely enjoy mine. But I attach no stigma to folks who don't want children. To each his own. And frankly, life would be considerably simpler without them.
stillafool Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'm a 32 year old woman who has never wanted, and doesn't ever plan on having children. Why do you think people have so many opinions about this. What is yours? Honey, I'm a lot older than you and have never wanted kids. I have never regretted my decision ether. However, I am happily married. I say do what you like and don't worry about what other people say. Did you see that show on Oprah last week about "Mom's Secrets". Some of them were miserable as heck.
boogieboy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I cant stand children, never gonna have them. Only problem is, its hard to find someone else who doesnt want kids as well.
Lyssa Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'm a 32 year old woman who has never wanted, and doesn't ever plan on having children. Why do you think people have so many opinions about this. What is yours? I cant stand children, never gonna have them. Only problem is, its hard to find someone else who doesnt want kids as well. Boogieboy, meet LittleJ... LittleJ, meet Boogieboy! I've never wanted kids... but recently, I've been thinking of having some. I'm in my late 20s. I don't see anything wrong in those who don't want any. It's alright to me.
Eve Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'm a 32 year old woman who has never wanted, and doesn't ever plan on having children. Why do you think people have so many opinions about this. What is yours? Maybe those who know you dont want you to have any regrets later, t'is all. But if you dont want children, then dont have them! It affects noone. Take care, Eve xx
2sure Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 We know many couples who have decided not to have children. I cannot imagine offering them my opinion on their lifestyle choices.
Enema Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 A few reasons I think most people do want kids: Indoctrination: Society teaches you from a very young age that you're supposed to get a job, house, wife, kids. Evolution: Most humans have an inbuilt biological drive, it's part of our evolution and is one reason we've been so successful as a species. To fit in: Everyone else is doing it, I don't want to seem odd. My partner wants kids: I want to make them happy, so I'll give them some kids. Why other people want you to have kids: I think it's a combination of people having all or some of the above drives and not being able to understand if you don't share the same basic wants. Also: Misery loves company.
stillafool Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 [ QUOTE=Enema;2263121] Evolution: Most humans have an inbuilt biological drive, it's part of our evolution and is one reason we've been so successful as a species. QUOTE] You have something here because I can't understand with all the new methods of birth control why there are so many unplanned pregnancies. I remember back when I was a teenage, young woman I and my friends made sure we were on birth control. I don't understand some young women today.
In_Repair Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 THOSE are the reasons why you think most people want kids? How about the fact that they actually like children and want to be parents? Using the same logic... The reasons why most people don't want children: Selfishness: they don't want to compromise their own lifestyle, and god forbid the beer money has to be used for diapers. Self loathing: they realize that they suck as human beings, so they are terrified that their little tricycle engines will be as screwed up as they are. ^ that is, of course, ridiculous... I just felt the need to throw it in there.
Thaddeus Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 As one who's child-free (not really by choice, but hey, it is what it is and I'm OK with it) I often get people asking me, "Why didn't you have kids? You'd be a GREAT DAD!!" Then they often fall into judgement mode and parrot the very sorts of things that In_Repair mentioned (above): You must be selfish, you hate kids, you don't believe you'd be a good father, etc. etc. It can get damn hurtful. This helped: http://www.childfreebychoice.com/ Now, while my child-free status wasn't, as I mentioned, entirely by choice (first wife died, second one left me for another man) it did help me appreciate my lifestyle and answer some of the questions/accusations that occasionally are levelled.
In_Repair Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Thaddeus, I think people's typical reactions are more from the inability to understand, rather than them automatically passing bad judgement on you. People offend easily when it comes to any topic revolving around their children, and the backhanded comments are thrown from both sides of this argument, so it gets nasty rather quickly. It was always hard for me to understand myself, as I pretty much always wanted to be a dad. I have two children and they are the main focus in my life. My brother on the other hand, he hated the idea of children and has never had any. I'm currently dating a woman who is childless and lacks the ability to have them, by choice. It's just a simple choice, you either want kids or you don't. It doesn't mean you hate children. My brother loves mine, and my girlfriend wants to meet them very badly.
stillafool Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 The reasons why most people don't want children: Selfishness: they don't want to compromise their own lifestyle, and god forbid the beer money has to be used for diapers. This is what most people think. I guess people could say it is also selfish to have kids just so you can see yourself and someone to take care of you in your old age. Self loathing: they realize that they suck as human beings, so they are terrified that their little tricycle engines will be as screwed up as they are. This may be correct and I thank God these people are not "selfish" enough to bring children into their world. ^ that is, of course, ridiculous... I just felt the need to throw it in there.[/ You're right !
Els Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I'm pretty darn sure I don't want any. However, despite how much trouble my periods and PMS give me, I'll never get myself sterilized, just because I figure someday I might change my mind and regret it. Weird, huh?
boogieboy Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Then they often fall into judgement mode and parrot the very sorts of things that In_Repair mentioned (above): You must be selfish, you hate kids, you don't believe you'd be a good father, etc. etc. All three are true for me. I have no desire, dont think I can mold a childs mind, consistently. I'd want to pass it off to my mom after the first few months. The people who asked me never WANT to understand why i dont like/want kids. They keep asking me if I was abused as a child. No! I have to tell them "my parents were the best and are still together"
Els Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 All three are true for me. I have no desire, dont think I can mold a childs mind, consistently. I'd want to pass it off to my mom after the first few months. The people who asked me never WANT to understand why i dont like/want kids. They keep asking me if I was abused as a child. No! I have to tell them "my parents were the best and are still together" How ironic, actually, that DOES sum up why I don't want a child. 1. I AM selfish -- if wanting what is best for MYSELF is selfish, at least. Don't understand the logic of getting something that will inconvenience myself and decrease the quality of my life (time available, resources, etc), merely based on a biological whim. Which, btw, I totally don't feel. Is 23 too young to be getting urges? 2. Yes I hate kids. God I hate them, I feel like smacking babies who make a fuss in front of me. I heard it's different when it's your own though. 3. I believe I'd make a horrible mother. There are just times when I feel like I can't go on and I need a break; when those times come I don't care what the consequences are, I take one. Then I deal with it, in the case of school/work, by getting a medical certificate. That won't help if the baby's dead due to neglect, though...
Citizen Drawn Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I'm at a similar age and not sure either. The idea often makes me fuzzy, but I'm struggling a little with the reality that the world is overpopulated and full of idiots. At the moment I can't justify why I'd want to bring a life into that. I had a great childhood and experiences in my 20's, but the older I'm getting the more I'm getting disillusioned about all of this.
missdependant Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Almost 23 years old. I used to tell myself I never wanted kids. I loved kids, but never felt like it would be any fun to raise them. I got pregnant at a young age, put the baby up for adoption.. after having her I REALLY wanted one of my own. So I got my BA and met a nice guy while I was in college. We're expecting a baby in September. I couldn't be happier. I'll probably only have one. Two is a possibility, as we would both like to have a boy someday.. but that's a pretty big gamble. I have nothing against people who don't want kids. They're a big responsibility, and they're expensive. Personally; I love kids, I have the money, and nothing better to spend it on, my boyfriend and I both have a lot of love to give, and both are looking forward to it, so this is probably the most exciting time of my life.
cyml Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I'm 17, so my stance on this could change anytime since I'm a teenager and all. But whenever I say I don't want any kids - the reaction is always one of surprise. I've come to the conclusion that having kids is the internationally accepted way of life. Everyone has kids, so it seems weird that someone wouldn't want to have any or doesn't have any. I know I don't want any just because I think my qualities would make me a bad mother. I think people need to put their potential kids before themselves which a lot of people neglect to do.
onthebrinkofitall Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Well, I may be only 25 years old but I have 3 children.. all very young, I might add and they were all.. surprises. While I wouldn't give my children up for anything in the world, I find myself wondering what life would be like without them.. not them specifically.. just children in general. I'd be getting a lot more sleep, for starters. Kids are expensive, time consuming, and they test your patience every single day. When you find things like an old sticky piece of honey bun inside your change jar, you start to wonder why you did this to yourself. lol. People who have children have opinions on this because as a parent, you love your child more than anything and most parents can't begin to understand why you wouldn't want a love like that in your life. While it is definitely a very rewarding experience, being a parent ain't all peek-a-boo and patty cake. Next time a mom says something to you about your choice on not having kids, look at the dark circles under her eyes.. then politely say, "Thank you for your opinion but I enjoy my sleep quite well." She may give you a dirty look but she probably won't bother you again. Most parents don't think about the life they had before children.. or maybe they do but we're "not supposed to." Sounds like you know what's right for you. Try not to let other peoples' opinions get under your skin.. because everybody's got an opinion about SOMETHING. Good for you. Stick to your guns.
Taramere Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Yes I hate kids. God I hate them, I feel like smacking babies who make a fuss in front of me. I heard it's different when it's your own though. I would think it is. If I'm in a supermarket and a baby or small child starts screaming, I feel really stressed and will quickly move to be as far away from it as possible. Yet when my niece and nephew were babies, hearing them cry made me just want to pick them up and cuddle them. It was totally different - and they're not even my own children. I think it's really common for young women to not be all that keen on children. In a way, they represent loss of freedom and the taking on of adult responsibilities. Even if you don't have children of your own, if you're a significant adult in someone else's child's life (eg aunt or uncle) then a certain level of responsibility comes with that. I'm a 32 year old woman who has never wanted, and doesn't ever plan on having children. Why do you think people have so many opinions about this. What is yours? Now that they're older, I have lots of really happy times with my niece and nephew - going on make-believe adventures, pretending we're characters out of the Wizard of Oz and so on. It's lovely. Some of my happiest times are with them. They can make me laugh until my stomach hurts. Being around them brings out my creative, fun side....and I have to say that it feels all the more lovely because after four hours or so I get to hand them back to their parents. There should be no pressure on anybody to have children if they don't want to have them, or haven't found a person they would want to create a family with. I think it's good for you to have children in your life on some level, though. At the risk of sounding twee, they put a bit of magic back into life.
Sazerac Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 First of all, I wanted to say "Hi!" (as this is my first post). I and my wife don't have kids, mainly due to health reasons. I have never truly understood the animosity and mistrust some (not all) parents have toward those who, for whatever reason, have chosen to remain without children. I, for one, love kids. I'd be pretty bad in my profession if I didn't. (I'm a high-school math teacher). It's in my best interest for people to keep having kids--job security! So many of those in my profession who have kids are overtaxed with the demands of their job and then having to balance their family's needs as well. I am able to devote far more time to being the best teacher I can possibly be to help my students, including budgeting more time for tutorials after school, helping out with extracurricular activities, etc. So those of us who are without children aren't necessarily selfish. Many of us are just serving in an entirely different capacity. -Sazerac
Flyleaf7889 Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 After being almost like a second mom to my little brother for 3+ years, I'm not sure if I truly want kids, anymore. I mean, I'm 17, so this is subject to change, but I just can't even imagine having the responsibility. Not to mention what with the world's suckitude, at the moment, bringing another life onto this planet should be illegal, IMO.
blind_otter Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I mean, I'm 17, so this is subject to change, but I just can't even imagine having the responsibility. Of course you can't imagine the responsibility. You are 17, I would not wish an infant on a 17 year old. Heck, your frontal lobe isn't fully formed yet. It would be immense stress for you. That's why it's always better to have children when you are an adult. Not to mention what with the world's suckitude, at the moment, bringing another life onto this planet should be illegal, IMO. Oh my dear, that makes no sense. The only way the world will get better is if there are people willing to contribute towards the benefit of those besides themselves. When you have a child, you have an opportunity to contribute not only to the happiness and wellbeing of an individual (your child) - but you have the opportunity to help mold an individual who could bring about wonderful and fantastic changes to this world. Pessimism never got anybody anywhere. But it is, unfortunately, a main characteristic of young people nowadays.
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