thewingwoman Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 So I haven't posted here in a while... Since I was dealing with my ex and the issues I had with him. Still not totally over all of that, but I'm working on it and it seems completely minimal compared to everything that's going on right now, since I immersed myself into dating again... I'll try to keep it short. A.) I reconnected with a guy I dated 5 years ago, and went on a few dates with him. We'd originally split because I was moving and he wasn't over his ex at the time. Well we happened to reconnect because we're in the same industry professionally and I actually applied for his old job, and he found me on Facebook to discuss. Anyway, after a few dates and some great nights at his place just sitting on the porch and having a few glasses of wine, he drops the bomb on me... He's decided to be celibate in order to complete his spiritual journey. I told him I understand, but wow. That was a huge bomb. B.) I also had a few dates with a guy a few years younger than me. He is so fun, outgoing, and makes me laugh all the time. The issue, though, is that I found it hard to see a major future with him because he was young and I didn't see any major life goals there, and that's important to me. However, he was falling for me hard, and told me this last Monday. I told him I needed to process this information and he understood. I talked to him a bit on Tuesday, but at 9:20 Tuesday night, he was involved in a car accident that has left him in a coma, and it's possible that he may have permanent brain damage. They're not sure if he's going to pull through at all. I've spent so much time at the hospital, but I know there's nothing I can do but pray and hope he's strong enough to get through this. C.) There's a guy that frequently visits my area but lives about 2 hours away that is proposing that we go out on a day-date tomorrow before I go into work. Well, I'd like to go, since from what I know right now, he's basically everything I've ever looked for in a guy. But he couldn't have worse timing with guy B in the hospital in a coma. I don't know that I need to ask for advice right now, but I just mostly wanted to type it all out on an open forum like this to get it off my chest. Its like my life has decided to test me to the fullest lately. There have been other tests, but those are totally unrelated to dating, so I will spare the details on that to keep this as short as possible. Thank you for reading. Any comments are appreciated.
carhill Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Can I ask how long you've known "B"? Your response sounds as that of someone who has a long history and connection. Generally, when someone is injured and hospitalized, family are the initial contacts and I'll assume, if you've only dated him briefly, that you don't know them and they don't know you. I'm just curious about this, and about your connection to B. If he's a co-worker, that would explain it. Personally, I'd just step back from the dating aspects and deal with the interpersonal aspects. Let C know that there's a lot on your plate right now and it's nothing personal. Life's what happens when we make plans
Author thewingwoman Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Can I ask how long you've known "B"? Your response sounds as that of someone who has a long history and connection. Generally, when someone is injured and hospitalized, family are the initial contacts and I'll assume, if you've only dated him briefly, that you don't know them and they don't know you. I'm just curious about this, and about your connection to B. If he's a co-worker, that would explain it. Personally, I'd just step back from the dating aspects and deal with the interpersonal aspects. Let C know that there's a lot on your plate right now and it's nothing personal. Life's what happens when we make plans B has been friends with my family for a while. My whole family knows his entire family. He's come to events with us and so forth, that's actually how the dating came about. So yeah, it goes further than just the brief dating we did.
carhill Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Ah, that makes sense. I hope your presence aids in his recovery. The brain has a remarkable capacity to recover and redirect function. Tell me, what was the 'bomb' aspect to "A"? Was this a quantum change in his perspective? Had you been sexual with him in the past and were hoping to resume that aspect? Perhaps both? I'm unclear, as you mentioned only a few dates, but I realize that each of us is different wrt sex. Personally, I didn't let the stresses in my life distance me from my primary relationship. I actively prioritized it, though stress did take its toll. Likely, if you were married, you would similarly continue to prioritize your M and invest in it. Being single gives you the choice to step back and deal with this in your own time. It's the gift of freedom. Freedom to choose. Good luck!
Author thewingwoman Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Ah, that makes sense. I hope your presence aids in his recovery. The brain has a remarkable capacity to recover and redirect function. Tell me, what was the 'bomb' aspect to "A"? Was this a quantum change in his perspective? Had you been sexual with him in the past and were hoping to resume that aspect? Perhaps both? I'm unclear, as you mentioned only a few dates, but I realize that each of us is different wrt sex. Personally, I didn't let the stresses in my life distance me from my primary relationship. I actively prioritized it, though stress did take its toll. Likely, if you were married, you would similarly continue to prioritize your M and invest in it. Being single gives you the choice to step back and deal with this in your own time. It's the gift of freedom. Freedom to choose. Good luck! Well, the situation with A is complicated. Like I said, we dated 5 years ago... and we were sexual back then. We have an amazing sexual chemistry and after about 3 or 4 times of hanging out again, we found ourselves sexual again. And this new celibacy thing came about after we'd been sexual a few times recently. Oh, and furthermore, he was an atheist when we dated 5 years ago, so he's just recently been on this spiritual journey. That's why it was such a shock. And thank you for your wishes of good luck.
Author thewingwoman Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I just had to update this with something else that is a recent (as in the past few hours) that I need to get off my chest... My boss emailed me this morning with an email that sounded a lot like he was letting me go due to my calling in when I found out that B was pronounced brain dead. I called in Monday, the day after they pronounced him (because I was pretty emotional and I need to have an upbeat attitude at my job), and then yesterday he sent me an email an hour before I would have had to go in and said not to worry about coming in, that he had someone covering. So I didn't go in yesterday. Today, an hour before my usual schedule, he hadn't sent anything, so I sent him an email making sure of whether or not I was scheduled to work (since I haven't been in this week, I have no idea what the schedule is). He emailed me back telling me no, that he didn't know where I was or what was going on and basically telling me off for not being there yesterday. I am confused as I can be. Told him I hadn't given him further information since Monday because I didn't really know much other than that B was proving the doctor's wrong about the brain dead news, and that I was under the impression that I wasn't required to come in yesterday since he emailed me an hour before my shift. He then went on to say that not calling and not showing up for work was voluntary and unacceptable. I'm sitting here thinking "when exactly did I no call-no show?!"... and I know precisely when he's referring to (yesterday), but its still bothering me. I would call him, but his phone doesn't get reception at the office, and I'm quite emotional right now and don't want to say anything I'd regret. I prefer email because I can reread what I've said and take out anything that's out of line before I send it. I sent him an email back, but haven't heard anything. So now, it looks like I might be out of a job... This week just isn't going well at all... Ugh. Again, this is mostly just to get things off my chest. Thanks for reading.
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