I wrote a Letter to My Love (a very nasty letter; and H replied)

[Athena]

Part of what I previously wrote to H:

I do not need to have you dead in order to be free of you and find a man who will love me properly. There is something called Divorce. Secondly, you don’t think your death will be devastating to ALL of us?! How horrible. [/Quote]

Actually now that you ask, I really don't think so Athena. Compare the hardship, pain, emotional roller-coaster of doubt and extremes of uncertainty, lies, broken promises, selfishness, destruction, gaslighting, manoeuvring, inconsistency, withholding relevant information and suffering I have put you through with the prospect of forever being free of all that I am. I have seen the death of many friends and I know that they are soon forgotten whether they were good or bad. I'll remind you of Steve McNair in a year’s time and you won't even know who I'm talking about. Death and divorce are synonymous with me and I consider them both daily. Death has a finality about it which cannot be discussed or disputed or negotiated with. Divorce will be a living death which I will endure as sentence for my wrong and for ruining your life. Of course while I am alive I can continue to contribute to your upkeep whereas the other alternative isn't as attractive. I am attempting for once not to withhold relevant information here so I am sharing my feelings directly with you as you have the right to know how I am thinking.

 

We can afford new furniture, car payments, Ivy-league education and trips overseas but we cannot afford life insurance on the one and only bread-winner in the family? LOL. Our priorities are squarely lodged where the sun don't shine.

 

I would not wish 'extreme emotional trauma' on anyone in my family, but you already know the disparity between what I want and what I do so there's no trusting me on that assertion. Yes I've caused enough emotional trauma to write several books on the subject but given that time heals all wounds (except mine), I expect that in time you would all get your lives back together and move on. It would certainly be an incontrovertible way to resolve the problem but in the end, problem solved! Right? Isn't that what we need? It is the easier path which I always follow isn't it? I would be true to character; self-destructive in the literal sense of the expression.

 

You do not recognise nor want to acknowledge a single thing I have done to reconcile our situation and I feel it has now come to the point where my written or spoken words are meaningless. Although I tried to write concise responses to your email this morning I felt that all the while you are saying these things to me because you are letting me know that you think I am worthless to you and therefore do not have to worry about the language you use or the accusations you level at me. I deserve that in one sense but I do feel every word you say and understand at the same time how much you want me to realise that there's nothing I can do about it. You now have 'the power' over me and are wielding it without compassion in the same way you believed I used it over you. I am reading between the lines Athena and there is clearly no more interest in what I am doing, only accusation, exposure, ridicule, anger and hurtful venomous rhetoric. I cannot ask you to please stop because I am beside myself with worry about my job or my studies because these are obviously my selfish pursuits and have nothing to do with you (except for the transfer of funds part). Yes, I feel like dirt and I talk like that when I think that all I have now become is a cash cow. Don't kill yourself or else we won't be able to live the high life, so rather f**k off somewhere where we don't have to see you ever again but just keep sending the money home - Is that all I have become? I suppose in essence, that's what I have amounted to and that's about all I deserve. Surely I can do that! Surely I can live without an emotional heart for I know I cannot live with you when you hate me so much. This is the price I must pay for having committed these crimes against my wife who gave me her heart, her trust, her love and her youth.

 

This is the opportunity you've been waiting for Athena. This is the permanent separation you have been alluding to all along through all the emails you have sent me. This is the solution. I never wanted to lose you, but my actions have spoken louder than my words (which are meaningless to you anyhow) and I think it's time for this mutual destruction to end. I just cannot live like this. I love you Athena and I most sincerely want to do what is right by you, so I am conceding to your superior understanding on this life issue and will accept your proposal of divorce.

 

I will tell all our family and friends that I was the cause of this divorce (as if they didn't already know) and I will tell them it was because of my narcissistic and philandering character. I shall tell anyone who asks that their assumption was right all along and that I am a pretender that uses charm and lies to get what. I shall send you copies of any correspondence on this subject so that you can be assured I am not lying about what it is that I have caused to happen. I will continue to send you my entire salary for you to disburse as you see fit and I shall try to arrange my life so that I can accommodate my children when and where they want, assuming they even want to see me after this.

 

You wanted honesty from me Athena so let me say I simply cannot continue to play this ping-pong match of words or word association and meaning. I cannot continue to expect you to hang in there while I make adjustments to my character, especially when they're not approved by your level of expectation of me. The level of expectation that any married person should rightfully expect from their spouse. If you think this is giving up on my part then you are wrong. This is me "manning up" to my responsibility as your husband and assuredly releasing you from my continual inflicting pain in your life because you made the mistake of staying married to me. You can move on and live the life you have always wanted without me ruining your chances of finding another true love before it's too late. The true love we once shared. Think of how pleased *H’s brother* will be when I announce that not only is the honeymoon over, but that the marriage is over too. One more victory over me! But I am sure many people including *counselor* will advise you to agree with me. You are worthy of their assistance Athena and you will maintain your respectability.

 

H.

[Athena]

No. I was not being sarcastic. I was merely asking the question because he seems to not want to change at all. Therefore, it is only reasonable to ask why arent' you taking control of your life instead of waiting for him to change. He admitted that he doesn't like himself very much, which says to me that he is thoroughly incapable of giving you the love you deserve.

 

I think it would be hurtful for him to abandon his children as a result of the divorce. However, you need to understand that you only live once. Do you really want to look back over your life and say you wasted it on someone who has attributed to so much of your pain?

 

I know how hard it is to divorce the person you love. I am recently divorced and I still love my husband but I knew deep down in my heart that I deserved more than he was able to give. Just because I divorced him, didn't mean I had to stop loving him. I just had to put me first for a change.

 

I set myself free instead of waiting for him to set me free or be the man I needed and wanted.

 

Sugar, thank you for explaining this to me. And -- I am surprised to hear that you loved your ex-h but still divorced him... see... maybe this is what was keeping me to H... loving him.

 

I see in his recent email he has changed his mind about the children -- seems to want to see them, so I am very glad about that and I hope he keeps his word about that!

 

He has flip-flopped many times in the past over whether he would abandon us completely (including financially), but perhaps it was all just a way of Controlling me, and a threat against me divorcing him... as has been previous threats of his committing suicide... darn it! -- wouldn't it have been easier for him just to quit messing about?!

[sugarmomma]

Sugar, thank you for explaining this to me. And -- I am surprised to hear that you loved your ex-h but still divorced him... see... maybe this is what was keeping me to H... loving him.

 

I see in his recent email he has changed his mind about the children -- seems to want to see them, so I am very glad about that and I hope he keeps his word about that!

 

He has flip-flopped many times in the past over whether he would abandon us completely (including financially), but perhaps it was all just a way of Controlling me, and a threat against me divorcing him... as has been previous threats of his committing suicide... darn it! -- wouldn't it have been easier for him just to quit messing about?!

 

I still love my xh very much but if it is meant for us to be together he will come to me in the right way.

 

I could no longer give him the power to make me "happy" or "unhappy". I finally relaized that I am responsible for my happiness and the power that I give to others over me. We had the absolute best sex life any couple could ever have but it wasn't enough to make a marriage.

 

Sometimes I miss him so much. Other times I am happy that I no longer have someone hurting me or mistreating me or cheating on me. I don't miss that at all.

 

I want to be with the right person more than I want to be in a relationship.

 

How old are your children?

[2sunny]

take out life insurance on him - now!

 

if he doesn't do it - demand it through the court order. i did. half for me and half for my kids. it was only right of him in case he dies... the support would then end and we would have nothing to fall back on for future and stability.

 

if you don't ask (demand) - you won't get it.

[Athena]

I still love my xh very much but if it is meant for us to be together he will come to me in the right way.

 

I could no longer give him the power to make me "happy" or "unhappy". I finally relaized that I am responsible for my happiness and the power that I give to others over me. We had the absolute best sex life any couple could ever have but it wasn't enough to make a marriage.

 

Sometimes I miss him so much. Other times I am happy that I no longer have someone hurting me or mistreating me or cheating on me. I don't miss that at all.

 

I want to be with the right person more than I want to be in a relationship.

 

How old are your children?

 

Our two children are 18 and 22, his daughter from his first M is 27. I am 44, H is 49. We've been married 23 years....

 

Sugar, does your H miss you? Is he still chasing OW? Is he in a stable relationship now that you got divorced?

I feel sad to hear that you had a man you wanted as your H, but he didn't treat you right -- he cheated, right? Did you give him a chance to change his ways?

[Athena]

We had the best sex life too... didn't stop him from having affairs...

[Athena]

take out life insurance on him - now!

 

if he doesn't do it - demand it through the court order. i did. half for me and half for my kids. it was only right of him in case he dies... the support would then end and we would have nothing to fall back on for future and stability.

 

if you don't ask (demand) - you won't get it.

 

Yes, thx, I will do this asap. The thing is, we had a life insurance policy on him but when we moved into the new house the insurance company sent the second payment due that year to the OLD address! Even though they had sent the first one to the new address!... so the second payment that year wasn't paid, by the time they sent me a letter to this address to apologize for their 'error' their own other department closed the policy down for non-payment... sigh... I didn't bother fighting it, because I was upside-down from H's new affairs... but we do, at least, have life insurance on the house should anything happen to H, it will be fully paid off... but yes, we still have a child at university, and the 22 year old applying to medical school... so... we do need to take precautions. I will do this. H is healthy, just had a full physical recently (not psychiatric, lol).

[sugarmomma]

Our two children are 18 and 22, his daughter from his first M is 27. I am 44, H is 49. We've been married 23 years....

 

Sugar, does your H miss you? Is he still chasing OW? Is he in a stable relationship now that you got divorced?

I feel sad to hear that you had a man you wanted as your H, but he didn't treat you right -- he cheated, right? Did you give him a chance to change his ways?

 

You are still young enough to find another man! Those are not kids!

 

I would go out and start living it up!!

 

I think he does miss me. He still has not owned up to an affair so that was not the reason for the divorce. He abandoned our family and made it seem like it was because I had him arrested for pushing me. All the while I think he had moved on to someone else. After being separated 16 months, and 4 years of marriage, I filed. He still calls my house private but I don't think he has the balls to speak to me. That would require him to be completely honest because he knows I can smell a bullsh*t from 10 miles away.

 

I have truly enjoyed my life since then (1 months since it was final) and not as bad as I thought. I am learning to enjoy my own company whereas before, I needed to define myself by that M. No more.

 

1 is a whole number!!

[Athena]

You are still young enough to find another man! Those are not kids!

 

I would go out and start living it up!!

you made me smile!

 

I think he does miss me. He still has not owned up to an affair so that was not the reason for the divorce. He abandoned our family and made it seem like it was because I had him arrested for pushing me. All the while I think he had moved on to someone else. After being separated 16 months, and 4 years of marriage, I filed. He still calls my house private but I don't think he has the balls to speak to me. That would require him to be completely honest because he knows I can smell a bullsh*t from 10 miles away.

lol, I like this skill! I believe it, too...

 

I have truly enjoyed my life since then (1 months since it was final) and not as bad as I thought. I am learning to enjoy my own company whereas before, I needed to define myself by that M. No more.

 

1 is a whole number!!

Yes, indeed.

As for you learning to enjoy your own company -- good for you. As for me, I have been alone for many years... well, with the children, but lacking a full-time partner at home, since H chose to work overseas... he kinda liked the set-up of coming home, then going away...

 

Here I go, helping to keep the Divorce Statistics stable...

[Athena]

Athena,

I am not blaming you at all but you send me emails constantly reminding me of the past - what am I to make of that? There has been an undercurrent of growing distrust and I am not wrong in feeling this. You know I do not want to lose you. You know I am fully aware of the consequences of my actions. I thought you would be relieved to be rid of me and conceded this right to you with all the reasons I presented.

 

The agreement to 'sign' does not demonstrate that I will not give up OW, but (if you read what I wrote) I proposed this so as discontinue being an unbearable emotional burden to you or hurt you further which your emails clearly indicate to me is the case whenever you write to me. I hurt you Athena but I do not want to continue like this. I love you and whenever I see your photos I draw a breath and smile to myself and then promptly descend into a bottomless pit of hopeless despair knowing what I've done to you. I just want it all to stop and will do what I must to ensure this.

[jj33]

Oh Athena. Im so sorry. It seems you have given up on the idea of joining him where he is.

 

Have you considered going there to spend time with him and see if it can be worked out?

 

You are at a crossroads. he is not going to change his ways. Either you live with it as it is, or you cut the ties.

 

Did you ever see a lawyer?

[Athena]

Oh Athena. Im so sorry. It seems you have given up on the idea of joining him where he is.

 

Have you considered going there to spend time with him and see if it can be worked out?

 

You are at a crossroads. he is not going to change his ways. Either you live with it as it is, or you cut the ties.

 

Did you ever see a lawyer?

 

Hi JJ, yes I did see a lawyer twice... lawyer shook his head and said it's best I don't file for divorce (financially) since every time he moves from job to job, if he feels like not paying alimony, he just won't have his salary sent to our bank account here... and if we go to court and have a court order attach his salary from source, then with one phone call H can just change his paying Agent, while keeping the same job... and the whole (expensive, time-consuming) process starts all over again.... the lawyer consulted with his female partner and SHE said WHY bother divorcing him? Since he works abroad, I can just 'avoid' him when he comes home... I replied because if I want to meet a man, I need to be divorced... and they said... 'just be discreet' ... ouch!

 

I don't want to go join him where he is because I have a horrible feeling that will not curb him necessarily... maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't, but it just might cause him to start having thrilling, secretive affairs right under my nose (although he has never done this to me before, he HAD done this to his ex-wife)... I feel like I cannot count on him since he has dodged all responsibility to CHANGE that character flaw... I told him I do not want to be his policeman watching his every move... I cannot live like that.

 

There is no clear cut answer here... there's going to be pain.

[jj33]

Oh my.... Well if it is not in your interest to divorce financially then until you get on your feet with respect and are self supporting, you need a plan.

 

Write him. Tell him you love him. Tell him you want the pain and anger between you to stop. Tell him you want a clean slate going forward. Tell him you want him to be the man you know he can be, that you hear the good intentions and that is the man you love.

 

Then go on living your life in any way that pleases you .... and see what the future brings.

 

Dont box him into a divorce that wont suit you. Be smart and take care of you.

 

Big hugs

[bentnotbroken]

Athena, I am so angry for you. The NPD is so obvious. I was married to one for over 20 years. It was always about he felt and always telling me I was right, but never stopped the things he was doing, just like the walking, talking turd on the azz hairs of humanity that you are married to. Athena, you have to save yourself. You are worth so much more. You are a beautiful loving person who has become a dear friend. He is banking on you not leaving him. That's his ace in the hole.

[jj33]

Athena I dont say dont box him in lightly. You are a person of great integrity. And it is a huge conundrum to think of living in a way that is dishonest to yourself and your values.

 

But there are also practical considerations here. Its not an easy situation, the right and wrong is not clear where you are concerned. You dont want to "stoop to his level" you dont want to end up in a marriage where you both go your own way, but in a way you have been in that situation for many years.

 

is it better to be penniless and have a clear conscience? Maybe. Not that you are doing anything wrong if you stay but insofar as you are living in way that does not suit your values. On the other hand you have not worked in how many years? You might or might not get your house, but what would you do to support yourself?

 

Only you can judge which path is right for you.

[Owl]

I couldn't even read all through his comments and responses...

 

This guy is STILL gaslighting you today, Athena. (or trying to, I mean)

 

There is no true remorse in what he says...look at how he goes from "taking responsibility" directly into trying to negate and twist this back on you.

 

He doesn't show true remorse or regret. He's ACKNOWLEDGING his bad behavior, but he's not taking ownership of it, he's not showing remorse for it, and he's expecting you to buy that acknowledgement of it as both of those things.

 

You've already been given the advice to divorce. That would have been my first recommendation. I simply do not believe that any kind of true reconciliation with this man is possible...he's going to cheat again. He'll never accept true ACCOUNTABILITY for what he's doing or done to you.

 

If you're going to keep him in your life simply from financial reasons, that's your choice...but you need to balance the damage he's going to continue to do to you with the income you're getting by remaining with him.

 

The ONLY way to avoid further destruction from someone like this is complete emotional (and physical) seperation.

 

I don't know how someone remains married and accomplishes this successfully.

 

Take this the right way, Athena, because I truly do NOT mean insult to you...I have a high respect for you. But staying married to someone like this JUST for the financial security almost smacks of being a "paid woman" to me. You'd have to endure him 'being with you' whenever he decides to come back to your country...and you'd have to deal with his constant attempts to try to reestablish an emotional connection with you as well. All for financial security.

 

Again, I'm not calling you anything at all...I'm pointing out my first gut response to the idea of remaining married to someone but completely distancing yourself from them physically and emotionally as much as possible for the sake of financial security just doesn't feel 'right'.

 

It's up to you, my friend.

 

Letting this person remain in your life strikes me as a very, very dangerous thing to do.

[jj33]

Owl I agree with you in theory. But for someone who hasnt worked really in their entire adult life to give up everything and try to go back into the job market doing ?? what?

 

Not working for 20 years is the same thing as never having worked. Yes I know people do it. But its easier said than done.

 

And they dont live in the same country. if she meets someone else and wants to divorce she can. But if top notch divorce lawyers said dont do it, that speaks volumes to me.

 

For all the bad things people say about lawyers these people honestly said to her it wouldnt be in her interest to do it. Its not their life and Athena has to do what is right for her, but she will be doing it eyes wide open. Knowing that it is very possible she will never see a dime from him once they do a division of assets.

[Owl]

As I said JJ...she's got to balance out the damage he's going to continue to do to her by his cheating and actions vs the benefit of remaining with him for financial security.

 

I can't imagine what it would be like to have to 'put up' with him playing those games, coming home and wanting to pretend nothing is wrong, all the while knowing the truth. Nor could I see how she'd maintain the emotional distance from him that she'd need to protect herself.

 

It's all part of the cost-benefit analysis she's going to have to do for herself on this.

[taylor]

Athena,

 

I read through the entire dialog between you and your husband.

 

Only one image came to mind:

 

Your husband taking a red hot branding iron, pressing it into your flesh, listening to your skin sizzle and bubble and burn, removing the iron, looking at your charred and blackened flesh, and then pressing the iron again and again against the same spot until he reaches the bone. And while you scream in agony, all he can say to you is, "Honey, I know this hurts you. I hate what I am doing to you. But I am enjoying it so much I don't want to stop."

 

Your husband is a sick man.

 

But you are not "healthy" either, Athena. Why in the world do you continue to allow your husband to treat you like this.

 

It would be one thing if he didn't KNOW he was hurting you. BUT HE KNOWS and CONTINUES to inflict pain on you over and over again.

 

This man does not love you. No man who loves a woman would knowingly continue to inflict pain on her to this degree. When a person truly loves another, they put THAT person's happiness, desires, needs above their own. Two people in a marriage who put the other one FIRST will have a happy and healthy union.

 

Your husband is either incapable of doing this or just doesn't love you enough to do it.

 

But the question is.. why remain with a man like this when there are hundreds out there who are capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved?

 

To say you are staying for financial reasons is just an excuse, IMO. You are smart, healthy and able bodied. Your kids are grown. Find a job and support yourself. What is keeping you from finding gainful employment?

 

Like one poster said..you are at a crossroads. Look at the two directions:

 

Stay married to a serial cheater who doesn't love you enough to stop cheating. Remain dependent on him and continue to allow him to inflict pain on you over and over again with infidelity. Stay stuck.

 

Remove the source of pain from your life. Walk away from it or shove it out of your life once and for all. YOU make the decision. Set yourself free to embark on a new life void of pain and frustration. Put all your energy into finding a way to support yourself. Make your goal INDEPENDENCE. Give yourself the opportunity to find someone who can love you enough to remain faithful.

 

You are wasting precious moments of your life hanging on to a man who is toxic to your well-being.

 

He hangs on to you...not out of love...but because he is weak and needs to use and manipulate you to feel good about himself...just as he manipulates and uses all these OW's for the same purpose.

 

A husband should enhance your life, not destroy it. He is like a parasite, feeding off of you. He will continue to do so as long as you allow him to.

 

I have three questions for you, Athena:

 

If this situation were reversed...if you were the one who continued to engage in extramarital affairs with a host of OM's despite your husband's pain and objections, would your husband do what your are doing? Would he handle your affairs the way you are handling his? What would he say to you if YOU told HIM, "Honey, I just love sex so much I am not going to stop having extramarital affairs. I know it hurts you and I hate myself for causing you so much pain, but I will not stop having affairs because I don't want to. I like sex too much. That's just me."

 

What do you think he would say/do if you told him that??

 

Second question:

 

Your husband has acknowledged that he has not been a real husband to you and at this point serves only as a source of income to you. He's right. Through his own actions he has set himself up to be of no value to you except as a financial asset. He seems to be fine with this arrangement since he is not willing to be a real husband to you. So...

 

Why not divorce? He pays you alimony and you both have your freedom. He can continue to frolic with as many women as he wants and you have the freedom to find a real man. This arrangement is really no different than what you have now except that it would give you the legal and moral freedom to date again.

 

Or why not have an open marriage...one where he continues to frolic with as many women as he wants (he already told you he won't stop) but one where you can also freely and openly see other men...have love affairs...just like he is?

 

And, finally, third question:

 

Why would you want to stay married to a man who has put his penis in a bunch of other women. Who would want that penis? YUCK.

 

A young man in my neighborhood recently broke up with a girl he had been dating for a couple months. I asked him why. He said she had been with so many other men he didn't want that vagina. I ask you the same question, Athena.

[lostsoulmate]

Athena,

Your husband is a sick man.

 

To say you are staying for financial reasons is just an excuse, IMO. You are smart, healthy and able bodied. Your kids are grown. Find a job and support yourself. What is keeping you from finding gainful employment?

 

Like one poster said..you are at a crossroads. Look at the two directions:

 

 

You told me once that if you were in my shoes, financially dependent you wouldn't hesitate to get out....

 

Do not continue to go straight on your path, you have already decided to make a turn, now decide left or right and roll with it!!!

 

The part of the quote in bold, underlined and italics is TRUTH!!!! Believe in yourself!!!!

[taylor]

Hi JJ, yes I did see a lawyer twice... lawyer shook his head and said it's best I don't file for divorce (financially) since every time he moves from job to job, if he feels like not paying alimony, he just won't have his salary sent to our bank account here

 

Every divorced husband paying alimony and child support would probably like to get away with this, BUT THEY DON'T. They pay because they know there are consequences if they don't.

 

I doubt there are many divorced husbands who don't pay alimony and child support because they just don't feel like it.

 

I think this was very bad advice from a bad lawyer.

 

if we go to court and have a court order attach his salary from source, then with one phone call H can just change his paying Agent, while keeping the same job... and the whole (expensive, time-consuming) process starts all over again....

 

Not sure I quite understand what you are talking about here. Are you saying this is some kind of "loop-hole" he can keep taking advantage of over and over again to avoid paying alimony? Wouldn't some judge eventually "catch on" to what he was doing and close the loophole?

 

the lawyer consulted with his female partner and SHE said WHY bother divorcing him? Since he works abroad, I can just 'avoid' him when he comes home... I replied because if I want to meet a man, I need to be divorced... and they said... 'just be discreet' ... ouch!

 

This is the stupidest legal advise I ever heard. Where did you find these lawyers? At the local Walmart?

 

This piece of advice( if you can really call it that) solves nothing. You remain stuck in a toxic relationships with no opportunity to move forward in your life.

 

And besides, why should you remain discreet while your husband obviously is flaunting his love affairs?

 

Gee, a lawyer condoning infidelity! I hope you didn't pay for that advice.

 

 

 

I don't want to go join him where he is because I have a horrible feeling that will not curb him necessarily... maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't, but it just might cause him to start having thrilling, secretive affairs right under my nose (although he has never done this to me before, he HAD done this to his ex-wife)... I feel like I cannot count on him since he has dodged all responsibility to CHANGE that character flaw... I told him I do not want to be his policeman watching his every move... I cannot live like that.

 

Again, I ask, why would you want to be with him when his penis has been in a horde of other women. He is a man-whore.

[taylor]

Owl I agree with you in theory. But for someone who hasnt worked really in their entire adult life to give up everything and try to go back into the job market doing ?? what?

 

Not working for 20 years is the same thing as never having worked. Yes I know people do it.

 

Yes, people do it every day.

 

Even pimple-faced 17 year olds fresh out of high school with one finger up their nose and the other scratching their butt find employment to support themselves.

 

If they can, Athena can.

 

No excuses.

[Reggie]

Athean, I PM'd a response to you. But, you need to divorce. Taylor is right, see another lawyer.

I dealt with this in my marriages. I had a lot of therapy to help me recover. My therapist told me that continuing to live with my XNPDW would kill me, and he meant it , literally.

These folks are vampires.

[theBrokenMuse]

Yes, people do it every day.

 

Even pimple-faced 17 year olds fresh out of high school with one finger up their nose and the other scratching their butt find employment to support themselves.

 

If they can, Athena can.

 

No excuses.

 

Ahhh, no. Not so much anymore. Have you seen the COL vs the wages people without any type of viable skill set are earning these days? In my state you couldn't even afford to rent a room with what you would make earning the min wage here. She'd have to work two full time jobs just to try and support herself and if she was really lucky, she might actually make enough to have some type of retirement benefits when she's old enough to drop from exhaustion of keeping up with a grueling work schedule that even young kids can't handle for long. She'd be a fool not going of alimony.

[NOTSURE7]

athena- this was a very interesting post to read, thanks for posting it.your H sounds like he has all the answers which is a bad sign, i am no different and i can spot the behavior in a second.tell them what they want to hear.

 

it seems to me you have figured him out and his game is up.