Surfer Dude Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Ok, I have a sh*tload of experience with Japan and Japanese women, so I feel obliged to post here and share my thoughts. First of all, Japanese women usually break up in this manner. Due to their societal structures, they are too chicken to actually say anything in your face, so breakups usually start with freezeouts and lack of communication. Now, there's a tactic here, they don't just gradually disappear forever. They purposely reduce contact until you can't take it anymore and call them out on it, then they use it to tell you that you're jealous, smothering them and that they need space. They may even resort to texting/talking to other men in front of you, to trigger your jealousy and to wreck the relationship and guilt trip you later. I've had it happen to me. Pretty sneaky huh? Ask other guys in Japan, they'll tell you the same. They are very intelligent and cunning women. Secondly, why would she marry you? Japanese women get ostracized by other nihonjin for associating with gaijin men and most of them sure they don't want to mess up their lives by marrying one. Typically only gold diggers who want to move out of Japan and too old leftovers of women want to marry gaijin men. To younger ones, we are nothing but man-whores that they use for sex and attention. When they get bored, you get replaced. Now, there's a huge upside to all this: If you aren't aware, you're in JAPAN, dude! That's the country with the highest density of hot women in the world, there are literally hot babes pouring out of every corner. You could leave your apartment right now, stand in one spot for 5 mins and see literally 50 hot women. You're in Tokyo right? Stop making excuses right now. Go to Shibuya or Harajuku and go meet tons of new girls. Get numbers, get dates, get enough girlfriends till you are happy. The only viable tactic in Japan to protect yourself from BS is to date many women at the same time. Guaranteed. If any one woman starts giving you sh*t, you can replace her with some other girl you're seeing. I mean, that's Japan, chicks are totally replaceable. And if you start seeing multiple women at the same time, I promise you that you will live your life without a shred of jealousy, possessiveness and neediness. You're a gaijin in Japan, you have the power! It's probably best to go to: http://www.pickupguide.com/ (Japan based site) Hell, if I was in Japan right now we'd meet up and go pick up babes.
asuman Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Ok, I have a sh*tload of experience with Japan and Japanese women, so I feel obliged to post here and share my thoughts. First of all, Japanese women usually break up in this manner. Due to their societal structures, they are too chicken to actually say anything in your face, so breakups usually start with freezeouts and lack of communication. Now, there's a tactic here, they don't just gradually disappear forever. They purposely reduce contact until you can't take it anymore and call them out on it, then they use it to tell you that you're jealous, smothering them and that they need space. They may even resort to texting/talking to other men in front of you, to trigger your jealousy and to wreck the relationship and guilt trip you later. In other words, Japanese girls are like every other girl on the face of the planet. If you aren't aware, you're in JAPAN, dude! That's the country with the highest density of hot women in the world, there are literally hot babes pouring out of every corner. You could leave your apartment right now, stand in one spot for 5 mins and see literally 50 hot women. I'm moving to Japan.
D-Lish Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Honestly, she sounds like a selfish child. You gave up everything for her- made all the sacrifices, and she lied to you and cheated on you. Be thankful you didn't marry her. She would have pulled the same stunt, and then you'd be worse off. This isn't your fault. Did she expect you to read her mind?
Author Bobby2010 Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Honestly, she sounds like a selfish child. You gave up everything for her- made all the sacrifices, and she lied to you and cheated on you. Be thankful you didn't marry her. She would have pulled the same stunt, and then you'd be worse off. This isn't your fault. Did she expect you to read her mind? It drove me insane. I asked her why she didn't sit down with me and address a serious problem if there was one, she said she did. For example if I asked her to come to the post office with me (for help). She'd say " I don't want to, try and do it on your own" That was her idea of saying "hey I am really having a problem with having to help you with so many things, it's really annoying me, can you please try harder to do things on your own".
D-Lish Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 For example if I asked her to come to the post office with me (for help). She'd say " I don't want to, try and do it on your own" That was her idea of saying "hey I am really having a problem with having to help you with so many things, it's really annoying me, can you please try harder to do things on your own". She sounds incredibly selfish. It made me mad just reading what she put you through. She should have talked to you about it. Honestly, I think that a girl like this would have picked up and left regardless. She sounds quite wretchid:mad:
Author Bobby2010 Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 The evidence in your situation is pretty overwhelming. You don't need a "confession" to reach your conclusion she cheated, although you practically already do have a confession. All the evidence was there yes. But I really don't know. When she broke up with me I did and said some terrible, terrible things I can't take back. I called her names, I shouldn't have. It was only after that she came back with marks on her neck, somewhat of a payback for my actions It seems. Whether it was going on for a long time is is anyone's guess, but this was the first time I had concrete evidence of something physical, and it was after she had broken it off.
asuman Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 All the evidence was there yes. But I really don't know. You've already told us that you knew. You noticed things like her not spending as much time with you and not being as affectionate as she used to be. You noticed the oddness of what she was telling you about time she spent with her coworkers. There were all kinds of little signs that you noticed at the time and remembered, and now you're able to recite them back on this forum. None of this really matters anyway. You know now. You will slowly come to accept that it being over is the best thing for you. I know what it feels like to have feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate even though you don't realize that. It is an unacceptable state of existence. It isn't fair or just or right.
Surfer Dude Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 You don't get it. It doesn't matter what you've said and done. She would've left anyway. Read my post again. Get more Japanese female "friends" to grace your life and you'll forget about this one...
Ariadne Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 She was sick of our relationship, and sick of me. She said she had lost interest over time and didn't feel a connection anymore. Hi Bobby, Sorry about what happened with the Japanese girl. You seem very in love with this girl, and now you are left with nothing in a strange country. But I agree with people who say that there was nothing you could have done and she was going to leave anyway, whether you married her or not. I think the quote above is the key, she was done with you long ago. She probably was excited at first, it was sort of a honeymoon, but it simply wore off and she just didn't want anymore of that. Maybe living together she started to see things about you that she didn't like. Say, that you were so dependent on her. And when she met the other guy she was ready to fall in love again. I think it was good that she didn't leave you hanging and full of hope and just took off. Maybe moving would be the best, but if you can't then December is not so bad. Good luck.
EmperorR Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 You don't get it. It doesn't matter what you've said and done. She would've left anyway. Read my post again. Get more Japanese female "friends" to grace your life and you'll forget about this one... yep listen to surfer dude. It doesn't matter what you did, it doesn'tmatter if you swam in water filled with great white sharks to rescue her, it doesnt matter yesterday she was proclaming her love for her. I always sued to have thoughts in my mindwhat if I went on the trip, what if I gave her more attention would my ex have cheated, answer yep, maybe not then but she would have one day.
D-Lish Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 First of all, Japanese women usually break up in this manner. Due to their societal structures, they are too chicken to actually say anything in your face, so breakups usually start with freezeouts and lack of communication. Now, there's a tactic here, they don't just gradually disappear forever. They purposely reduce contact until you can't take it anymore and call them out on it, then they use it to tell you that you're jealous, smothering them and that they need space. They may even resort to texting/talking to other men in front of you, to trigger your jealousy and to wreck the relationship and guilt trip you later. I've had it happen to me. Pretty sneaky huh? Ask other guys in Japan, they'll tell you the same. They are very intelligent and cunning women. I see. Dude, you try WAY to hard to make people think you are something you are not. It's amusing. You're like a gold medal winner at the special olympics for dating. Get more Japanese female "friends" to grace your life and you'll forget about this one... So.... After bashing ALL Japanese women for being "the same" cunning, man-eaters.... Your advice is to... Oh I dunno- I stopped reading. ----------------------------------------------------- Look- You are in a foreign place, on your own. Have you thought about taking a trip home? Or moving home? It might be good to be surrounded by your family and friends at the moment. Everything you do right now will remind you of her- I mean how could it not- You are pining for a Japanese girl in Japan. Who cares if you up and leave and her name is on the lease- you owe her nothing. I just hope you have some people to hang out with where you are. If you don't- think about coming home.
Author Bobby2010 Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 First of all, Japanese women usually break up in this manner. Due to their societal structures, they are too chicken to actually say anything in your face, so breakups usually start with freezeouts and lack of communication. Now, there's a tactic here, they don't just gradually disappear forever. They purposely reduce contact until you can't take it anymore and call them out on it, then they use it to tell you that you're jealous, smothering them and that they need space. They may even resort to texting/talking to other men in front of you, to trigger your jealousy and to wreck the relationship and guilt trip you later. I've had it happen to me. Man, that's pretty much how it went down. I asked her dozens of times to knock it off with the texting. I mean if she is with these people at work all day, isn't that enough? Her phone was buzzing every 5 minutes. It drove me absolutely insane, I lost my cool a few times. I see what you're saying, a few times I asked myself if she was trying to get me to break up with her. If she did have a plan, it worked to perfection. She kept the same behavior even though I asked her to stop. Kept it up until I really called her out on it and did/said something bad (broke her phone). And that was her green light to end it.
Author Bobby2010 Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 I see. Dude, you try WAY to hard to make people think you are something you are not. It's amusing. You're like a gold medal winner at the special olympics for dating. he pretty much hit the nail on the head in terms of my situation, it seemed like she was trying to frustrate me deliberately. But yeah, I doubt all Japanese women are this way. I just hope you have some people to hang out with where you are. If you don't- think about coming home. I was just home for 2 weeks. She ended it 3 days before I went home for vacation (Nice hey?). I didn't have time to make a plan for moving home permanently. If the break had of been in March, I could have done that. Thanks for the advice/words. asuman you rule as well.
Surfer Dude Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 /cut D-lish, you have no idea who I am but you are quick to throw judgments and tantrums. I've seen that SPECIFIC scenario go down hundreds of times in Japan. Unlike in western countries, where we breakup with people directly, in Japan it's all about saving face. You might wanna get familiar with a specific country and it's culture, perhaps visit there a few times, before you make ironclad know-it-all statements. Dude, don't listen to the advice about going home... Japan can be awesome as soon as you get your expectations in order. If you don't have any friends, go to gaijin bars and gaijin parties, you'll meet tons of cool people there, guaranteed. Most gaijin parties are in Shibuya and Shinjuku (if you're in Tokyo), so you might wanna look into that. Foreigners in Japan can be very cool friends, Japanese guys too, and Japanese women are great as long as you can properly manage your relationships with them.
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