kizik Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 women who aren't obese, and who are midway attractive, WILL get hit on and some of the men hitting on them WILL be attractive.
Author shadowplay Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 and some of the men hitting on them WILL be attractive. define midway attractive.
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Looks like my location has a 3/4 ratio of single men to single women. Yes, On top of the lack of elegible bachelors, then you have single men outnumbered by single women. Here is the census results: http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/census_2000/001489.html (that's an older result, I suspect the gap is bigger now)
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 justify one's own discomfort with flirting with men. You can go on and on all day, but women who aren't obese, and who are midway attractive, WILL get hit on. Btw, just for the note. I never get hit on by anybody.. ever. It must be that I ignore men completely. If I'm in a public place and there is a guy, I'd never look in his direction even. And if I have to walk by him I look at the floor. I look at women, and cashiers, and other people except for guys. One time I went to pick up my ex husband and he was waiting for me outside, so I walked right by him on the sidewalk and he said, hey! hey!!! Will you believe I didn't notice it was him how much I ignore them? I'm almost hostile to them. Dunno.
Stockalone Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Would you ever blow off a woman who was your physical type but something about her personality rubbed you the wrong way? To blow someone off means to refuse to notice or deal with someone. Right? Sorry about that, I just want to make sure I used the expression correctly. I don't stand up and just leave if that is what you mean. If I there is something about her personality that I can detect that fast and that rubs me the wrong way, then I don't ask her for her number or ask her out. I'll try to let the conversation die and then say "It was nice meeting you, have a nice day/evening/etc." and retreat.
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 (On the other hand, at work I was friends with every guy that sat around my area. They all had partners and most were younger. So I was best friends with everybody. But I saw them as I'd see other women)
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 flirting with men. You can go on and on all day, but women who aren't obese, and who are midway attractive, WILL get hit on. Not only that, I have started wearing these type of clothes when I go out: (pic) Is almost like I want to become a Muslim woman so that they won't even look at me at all.
MusicChick24 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I must say I intended on disagreeing with you however...I agree. I know two men that are over 25, attractive and no tied down. One is my brother because he is getting a divorce and the other is a male friend of mine who is in his early 30s who has never been married, but wants to date and not get married. None of this is bothering because I'm still under 20, but I can see your delima.
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 None of this is bothering because I'm still under 20, but I can see your delima. (MusicChick is the cutest thing ever. Aww )
tanbark813 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I must say I intended on disagreeing with you however...I agree. I know two men that are over 25, attractive and no tied down. One is my brother because he is getting a divorce and the other is a male friend of mine who is in his early 30s who has never been married, but wants to date and not get married. None of this is bothering because I'm still under 20, but I can see your delima. All of my friends are currently tied down but the ones who are married didn't tie the knot until their 30's. Don't listen to the naysayers, you'll be fine.
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 All of my friends are currently tied down but the ones who are married didn't tie the knot until their 30's. Don't listen to the naysayers, you'll be fine. That's when men usually get married, in their 30s and women in their late 20s. That's the norm. Then you have a bunch of women in their 30s looking desperately for what they can find, and men not wanting to date them because they want to get married and have children. They are almost taboo. They want women in their 20s not to feel the pressure.
Sam Spade Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Hey guys, Here I found an article. The Eligible-Bachelor ParadoxHow economics and game theory explain the shortage of available, appealing men: http://www.slate.com/id/2188684/ "The shortage of appealing men is a century-plus-old commonplace of the society melodrama. The shortage—or—more exactly, the perception of a shortage—becomes evident as you hit your late 20s and more acute as you wander into the 30s. Some men explain their social fortune by believing they've become more attractive with age; many women prefer the far likelier explanation that male faults have become easier to overlook." "The problem of the eligible bachelor is one of the great riddles of social life. Shouldn't there be about as many highly eligible and appealing men as there are attractive, eligible women?" "Actually, no—and here's why." "In fact, game theory predicts, and empirical studies of auctions bear out, that auctions will often be won by "weak" bidders" "with a lot at stake in getting it right in one shot, it's the women who are confident that they are holding a strong hand who are likely to hold out and wait for the perfect prospect." "This is how you come to the Eligible-Bachelor Paradox, which is no longer so paradoxical. The pool of appealing men shrinks as many are married off and taken out of the game, leaving a disproportionate number of men who are notably imperfect (perhaps they are short, socially awkward, underemployed). And at the same time, you get a pool of women weighted toward the attractive, desirable "strong bidders." "Where have all the most appealing men gone? Married young, most of them—and sometimes to women whose most salient characteristic was not their beauty, or passion, or intellect, but their decisiveness." I love that article , and one of the reasons is that this is how I approach dating (i.e. it works both ways, it's not just women't problem!). I am clearly, beyond any reasonable doubt in my prime (), and will be in my peak for maybe another 5 years. Perfect time to wreck a lot of girls . However, instead of screwing around and milking it out for what it's worth (i.e. bagging as many chicks as possible), I'll commit (decisively? ) to the first good girl who meets my minimum 'requirements' (and I believe I've found her :love:). To the extent to which there are gender differences in the "eligible bachelor/ette paradox", it is a function of the number and complexity of "requirements" in men and women. All that a guy needs in a woman is that she's pretty and has a good attitude/character. All that women want in a man... oh well... let's not get started on this one
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Btw, If you notice in this board, the two women that are getting married are Allina (20s) and Lauriebelle (20s). And then you have that other girl littlekitty (20s) that married Spider.
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 To the extent to which there are gender differences in the "eligible bachelor/ette paradox", it is a function of the number and complexity of "requirements" in men and women. All that a guy needs in a woman is that she's pretty and has a good attitude/character. All that women want in a man... oh well... let's not get started on this one Well, I'm not surprised you are out of the market for what I have read in all your posts (which always make good sense to me, with some little exceptions such as dress codes). You seem to have your abc's together.
Author shadowplay Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Btw, If you notice in this board, the two women that are getting married are Allina (20s) and Lauriebelle (20s). And then you have that other girl littlekitty (20s) that married Spider. TBF is getting remarried, and she's in her thirties.
Ariadne Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 TBF is getting remarried, and she's in her thirties. Oh yeah, she needs to have a baby pronto. And she is also very in love with the guy she found who is a catch.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I have a close group of women friends. They are great women-attractive, intelligent, funny, adventurous, non-materialistic, interesting. And for the longest time...very, very, single. Some of these great gals are currently single, but several of us have met great guys within the last year. We live in a city where the guys seem to always be looking for the next best thing. There are more men than women. So-so guys get the pick of the litter. Basically, the dating situation sucks. But somehow, we are meeting people. Here's a rundown: L: 35. A friend of a friend saw our vacation pics on Facebook and asked to meet her. He's a great guy, great job, down to earth, close to his family, solid. K: 32. Dated the worst guy I have ever met and completely humiliated herself in front of him several times. Basically did EVERYTHING you shouldn't do with guys. A guys she had been friends with always liked her, and stuck around. Musician, funny, adores her. Dating for 6 months. S: 40. Somewhat overweight, doesn't pay a huge amount of attention to her appearance. She's just not a girly girl. Very smart, interesting, has cool accent I thought she would be single forever, and so did she. She was fine with being single, and has never had dreams of being married or anything like that. Met a guy in our social circle who is tall, buff, also has cool accent, and universally adored. He just moved in. She had never had a boyfriend in her whole life before him!! Me: 36. Dated half of Washington in the last 10 years. Guys would always tell me how great I was, how hot I was, yada yada yada. Why don't you have a boyfriend??? Well, I didn't, and I always felt like the girl guys wanted to hook up with but didn't want to date. Started dating a fantastic guy 8 months ago. He adores me and loves pretty much everything about me. I'm truly, truly shocked that he came along, but so happy So...the moral of the story is...make your life important to you, have good friends, get out of your social ruts, and KEEP THE FAITH!
tanbark813 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 FWIW, a guy friend of mine who is 34 just married a girl in February who is 37.
D-Lish Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Well I am in my 30's- now divorced. I am discerning and I don't care. I am not going to settle for second rate or date an older douchebag for his money. If someone over 30 comes along that I am attracted to- great... But I am not holding my breath. If a "big" romance never happens for me again in my life, it's alright.
westernxer Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 FWIW, a guy friend of mine who is 34 just married a girl in February who is 37. I just found out today that a former co-worker married a girl we used to work with. He was about 43 or so. She was 30. They were so perfect for each other that it didn't suprise me one bit, age be damned. I think both of them came from rich families, which may or may not be a factor. LOL
Kamille Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 On the eye thing: SG, the article you quoted recommanded one look straight ahead. There's a difference between looking straight ahead and looking at them straight on. I don't downcast my eyes when I walk by men at night: I straighten my shoulders and I look straight ahead. I certainly don't look the guys in the eyes. Shadow, I remember that at the time you had that meeting with that guy, it immediately made you feel physically unattractive. Yet he says himself it was the vibe that turned him off. So why would you still be focused on your physical appearance? Now about the vibe, aie, those are the stakes of dating. I certainly don't click with everyone I go out with. I'm sorry you had one unfortunate experience, but Shadow, if you're in your 20s and that's the worst rejection you've experienced since starting dating, then you're really doing fine. He did go out with you remember and you did say yourself you were perhaps overdoing it if I remember correctly. So, for you, it's more a matter of getting comfortable in your own skin then of looks or personality. Stop looking for flaws Shadow, there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly date-able.
Woggle Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 It's not like the women are so great for a man 30 or over either. Many women who are still single at this stage spent their 20s chasing after jerks that treated them like crap while chasing away any man that treated them halway decent and are now angry at all men or they were ultra careerists who don't know the first thing about functioning in a relationship. These are the women who will look for the slightest reason to drive you away and become obsessed with you when you don't want them anymore. They demand the sun' moon and stars but offer very little themselves except for being attractive and having a career which means very little in the scheme of things when they intolerable to live with I realize the men aren't so great anymore. The ones who are already married were probably players who finally found a woman worth settling down with or they are nice guys who managed to make it to the alter and are a few years away from their wife giving the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. The single men at this age tend to be bitter as hell because they have been through it and then some with women. They simply don't give a damn anymore and it shows in how they deal with women. Either that or they are still doormats who haven't had their nice guy wakeup call yet.
sumdude Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Either that or they are s or they are nice guys who managed to make it to the alter and are a few years away from their wife giving the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. The single men at this age tend to be bitter as hell because they have been through it and then some with women. . I slightly resemble this remark . Married at 37, got the speech at 39. Now I'm 41 and have dated a bit since. All the women have been around my age and so far it's been not so great. They've been in at least 2-3 live in LTR's (ex-w included). What I've found is that they're a bit jaded and ready to skip along and throw out the baby with the bathwater at a moments notice or they're just plain nutty. My ex-w was the only intense LTR I've ever been in. FWIW I think I want to find a woman at least a few years younger who may not have so many relationship scars. I have my big one but otherwise I'm not terribly bitter or jaded. I have a lot to offer. Pretty good looking, steady good paying job, creative musician on the side, good value system and I have no kids. I can also hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes lol. Sure I have a couple flaws but I haven't met anyone without any.
Sam Spade Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I slightly resemble this remark . Married at 37, got the speech at 39. Now I'm 41 and have dated a bit since. All the women have been around my age and so far it's been not so great. They've been in at least 2-3 live in LTR's (ex-w included). What I've found is that they're a bit jaded and ready to skip along and throw out the baby with the bathwater at a moments notice or they're just plain nutty. My ex-w was the only intense LTR I've ever been in. FWIW I think I want to find a woman at least a few years younger who may not have so many relationship scars. I have my big one but otherwise I'm not terribly bitter or jaded. I have a lot to offer. Pretty good looking, steady good paying job, creative musician on the side, good value system and I have no kids. I can also hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes lol. Sure I have a couple flaws but I haven't met anyone without any. I'm adding you to my list of uncles (next to Woogle, in a parralel universe where Carhill is my dad :laugh:). I feel the same way in relationships, and I'm 'only' 32. Particularly women's urge to skip town at the slightest provocation is something that made an impression on me early on, and this is something particularly evident after 30. I just realized that this is perhaps consistent with the game theory article posted by Ariadne. I.e. the 'picky' girls become even pickier while the odds for attracting highly desireable man begin to gradually diminish, which creates a visious circle. (the perceived urge of hot having enough time leads to even faster - and likely frivilous - dismissal of the next prospective guy etc., which in turn increases the jadedness and sense of urgency etc.). Being over 30 and single is certainly not a death penalty for women , but I would imagine that at this age it is particularly important to be clear about one's priorities and to excercise restraint and good judgement before jumping to conclusions. Sadly, as we've both found out, this is often not the case.
Sam Spade Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 It's not like the women are so great for a man 30 or over either. Many women who are still single at this stage spent their 20s chasing after jerks that treated them like crap while chasing away any man that treated them halway decent and are now angry at all men or they were ultra careerists who don't know the first thing about functioning in a relationship. These are the women who will look for the slightest reason to drive you away and become obsessed with you when you don't want them anymore. They demand the sun' moon and stars but offer very little themselves except for being attractive and having a career which means very little in the scheme of things when they intolerable to live with I realize the men aren't so great anymore. The ones who are already married were probably players who finally found a woman worth settling down with or they are nice guys who managed to make it to the alter and are a few years away from their wife giving the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. The single men at this age tend to be bitter as hell because they have been through it and then some with women. They simply don't give a damn anymore and it shows in how they deal with women. Either that or they are still doormats who haven't had their nice guy wakeup call yet. Things wouldn't be so bad if people didn't tend to ascribe so much importance to relationships. It's a relationship, not the answer to all of your existential problems, concerns, and aspirations for crying out loud. I say anybody - man or a woman - who makes a relationship the center of their life and identity - deserves what's coming at them once things fall apart. Women expect men to bring them the world and then some; men understand that and get fooled into thinking that they've accomplished something major once they're in a relationshipo , and both attitudes are messed up big time . What happened to take it or leave it attitude? Not giving a damn is always good, (sans the bitterness.)
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