If a dumper wanted you back, wud they REALLY let you know?

[luvflower]

lol, NO, because you will not answer by mistake! This is not 1965, you see who is calling before you answer.

 

lol...i know...(sigh...)

[Flying Burrito]

What are the chances that you answer your phone by MISTAKE, and to top it off it happens to be your ex calling? I mean, really, how likely is this? If you answer, you are in contact by choice. If you are serious about NC then you hang up as soon as you hear their voice. Believe me, if there is something THEY HAVE TO TELL YOU then they will find another way, and then another and another and another. You get the point.

Truth: Several months ago, I wanted to know if the girl I dumped was still alive. I spoofed a local phone number, called her mobile and unbelievably, she answered. I hung up as soon as I heard her voice.

 

The point being, this is not so far-fetched an idea. So she didn't answer by mistake per se but if she had guessed that the caller ID was spoofed, I doubt she'd have answered.

 

Caramel, over a few breakups with Amy, the same ex, I wanted her back and I never said it. The closest I allowed myself to come to admitting I wanted her was to let myself be with her. Either she understood it, or she didn't care.

 

Eventually, the more I was with her and the happier she was, and yes, I was happy too, but feeling good made me feel like a loser because I knew I had to end it.

 

Back to your point. Sorry, but no. Over the years, there were many things I wanted to tell her when we were apart. Felt like I had to tell her. Even after I walked away from her for the last time. The more I felt the urge, the harder I made myself until I didn't have to tell her any longer.

[4givrnt4gtr]

I don't think you understand a man's pride. Especially after they have healed from being dumped. He's not going to "man up" without some clues or hints from you. And what do you mean by that exactly? You want him to come begging you to take him back? That's not gunna happen if he's not desperate or needy. So you might be waiting forever. Why don't you do him a favor and tell him how you feel and be straight about it, instead of playing games. If he takes it positively and decides to show you he's serious about making things work good, if not I say let him be so he can move on.

 

I guess I assume that the way we broke up was clue enough.

 

Him: "Im not sure if i can ever let myself love you. I feel like im holding back and I dont know why. Plus, school is my only priority right now"

 

Me: Ok well first if you cant love me I cant make you. It doesnt work like that. Then, if school is your priority and Im way behind that, your new friends and your new extra curricular groups then Im sorry but I cant take that.

 

Him: But i dont want to end it!

 

Me: I dont either but I am not going to beg you to love me. If its not there its not there. Unless you truly feel like you can love me and you can give me the place I deserve I cannot be with you ---> (Clear as day?? I hope anyway)

 

Him: I dont know, my head is so messed up right now. I dont know.

 

me: Ok, well you dont need this, and I dont need this. You dont need the added stress of being with a girl who is 500 miles away and who on top of it, you dont even like that much

 

HIm: thats true.

 

And that was that.

 

Trust me....he knows what he has to do, IF he wants it. He knows i love him but i cannot take the bread crums he was throwing my way.

 

Still, I am friendly towards him which means I dont hate him. So again, ball on his court..IF he chooses to go that way...

 

THe whole time i was with him he knew exactly how i felt. I put every effort there was to put and he just took it. SO yeah I will be expecting something like that in return. And you know what...if he cant do that on his own without having me to (once again) grab his hand and lead him then I guess he's just not man enough for me....and I assure you...a lot of girls im my situation feel the same way. (Blame he's just not that into you for that one)

[Von]

I guess I assume that the way we broke up was clue enough.

 

Him: "Im not sure if i can ever let myself love you. I feel like im holding back and I dont know why. Plus, school is my only priority right now"

 

Me: Ok well first if you cant love me I cant make you. It doesnt work like that. Then, if school is your priority and Im way behind that, your new friends and your new extra curricular groups then Im sorry but I cant take that.

 

Him: But i dont want to end it!

 

Me: I dont either but I am not going to beg you to love me. If its not there its not there. Unless you truly feel like you can love me and you can give me the place I deserve I cannot be with you ---> (Clear as day?? I hope anyway)

 

Him: I dont know, my head is so messed up right now. I dont know.

 

me: Ok, well you dont need this, and I dont need this. You dont need the added stress of being with a girl who is 500 miles away and who on top of it, you dont even like that much

 

HIm: thats true.

 

And that was that.

 

Trust me....he knows what he has to do, IF he wants it. He knows i love him but i cannot take the bread crums he was throwing my way.

 

Still, I am friendly towards him which means I dont hate him. So again, ball on his court..IF he chooses to go that way...

 

THe whole time i was with him he knew exactly how i felt. I put every effort there was to put and he just took it. SO yeah I will be expecting something like that in return. And you know what...if he cant do that on his own without having me to (once again) grab his hand and lead him then I guess he's just not man enough for me....and I assure you...a lot of girls im my situation feel the same way. (Blame he's just not that into you for that one)

 

I see what your saying. But give him a small hint, that you'll move on unless he makes a move. Something subtle.

 

As for me, I haven't heard from my ex in 5 days since our first meet up after it ended, which I'm afraid is a sign she is/has been with another guy and is attempting to move on. Since I don't know where we stand, a small hint would help me know if I should put any more effort into starting over or leaving for good. I have a feeling she's hoping I just go away quietly. Sucks for me, and doubly for her since she has lost sight of what she had.

[CaliGuy]

hi Caliguy...pls tell me this. did you coin "NC"? if not who did? and how long ago?

 

Nope.

 

one more question. what if you go NC for a few weeks.you end up getting so wrapped in your everday life or whatever you're doing that when your ex calls you answer by mistake and have to carry on a conversation, short of course.but that almost opens up the door for more communication.what to do then?

 

I say pay more attention to who is calling by changing your exes name in your phone from their name to "DO NOT ANSWER".

 

Worked wonders for me.

[caramel c]

Truth: Several months ago, I wanted to know if the girl I dumped was still alive. I spoofed a local phone number, called her mobile and unbelievably, she answered. I hung up as soon as I heard her voice.

 

The point being, this is not so far-fetched an idea. So she didn't answer by mistake per se but if she had guessed that the caller ID was spoofed, I doubt she'd have answered.

 

Caramel, over a few breakups with Amy, the same ex, I wanted her back and I never said it. The closest I allowed myself to come to admitting I wanted her was to let myself be with her. Either she understood it, or she didn't care.

 

Eventually, the more I was with her and the happier she was, and yes, I was happy too, but feeling good made me feel like a loser because I knew I had to end it.

 

Back to your point. Sorry, but no. Over the years, there were many things I wanted to tell her when we were apart. Felt like I had to tell her. Even after I walked away from her for the last time. The more I felt the urge, the harder I made myself until I didn't have to tell her any longer.

 

Well, I am sure there was a reason you felt you had to end it, and unless that reason went away then I understand why you couldn't find it in you to tell her how you felt. You weren't comfortable doing that. Don't underestimate your intuition. If you thought it was a great idea and worth the risk you would have told her EVERYTHING. You would not have let the urge pass.

[caramel c]

I guess I assume that the way we broke up was clue enough.

 

Him: "Im not sure if i can ever let myself love you. I feel like im holding back and I dont know why. Plus, school is my only priority right now"

 

Me: Ok well first if you cant love me I cant make you. It doesnt work like that. Then, if school is your priority and Im way behind that, your new friends and your new extra curricular groups then Im sorry but I cant take that.

 

Him: But i dont want to end it!

 

Me: I dont either but I am not going to beg you to love me. If its not there its not there. Unless you truly feel like you can love me and you can give me the place I deserve I cannot be with you ---> (Clear as day?? I hope anyway)

 

Him: I dont know, my head is so messed up right now. I dont know.

 

me: Ok, well you dont need this, and I dont need this. You dont need the added stress of being with a girl who is 500 miles away and who on top of it, you dont even like that much

 

HIm: thats true.

 

And that was that.

 

Trust me....he knows what he has to do, IF he wants it. He knows i love him but i cannot take the bread crums he was throwing my way.

 

Still, I am friendly towards him which means I dont hate him. So again, ball on his court..IF he chooses to go that way...

 

THe whole time i was with him he knew exactly how i felt. I put every effort there was to put and he just took it. SO yeah I will be expecting something like that in return. And you know what...if he cant do that on his own without having me to (once again) grab his hand and lead him then I guess he's just not man enough for me....and I assure you...a lot of girls im my situation feel the same way. (Blame he's just not that into you for that one)

 

You did the right thing, and there is no need for you to do or say another thing. The ball IS in his court.

[Flying Burrito]

Well, I am sure there was a reason you felt you had to end it, and unless that reason went away then I understand why you couldn't find it in you to tell her how you felt. You weren't comfortable doing that. Don't underestimate your intuition. If you thought it was a great idea and worth the risk you would have told her EVERYTHING. You would not have let the urge pass.

caramel, I think you're among the group of the people wanting to romanticize what is difficult to understand.

 

The kind of made for movies, desperate fantasy you're describing is exactly the behavior I will continue to avoid.

[caramel c]

caramel, I think you're among the group of the people wanting to romanticize what is difficult to understand.

 

The kind of made for movies, desperate fantasy you're describing is exactly the behavior I will continue to avoid.

 

If telling her how you really felt would have been a desperate fantasy, then again, I do understand why you couldn't make it a reality. What I'm saying is that you chose not to tell her. You had reasons for that. I am not sure if you understand what I am saying.

[WiseOne1]

A lot of valid points made in this thread, however let the "Truth Set U Free"

For example : If in all there are 10,000 registered loveshack members, 9,000 are here due to EGO!

 

Last time I brought this up, this chick was in so in denial about her situation she blasted the very thought of it. It's a very childish game, no matter what age you are, you can't escape!

 

It's called who gets to it first, I've noticed many people were not happy with there EX BF or EX GF, and was actually getting ready to dump them, but instead the EX beat them to the punch.

 

Yes it's where the whole theory of "Power Balance" came from, or the

"Ball In Your Court".

Simply said there has been proof of a lot of members actually mentioning that they would want there EX to want them back JUST SO THEY CAN TURN THEM DOWN!!

 

I think most of the time, not in all cases! But 91% of the time of us being living humans and having lives, and enjoying life, it's not that were so hurt over the EX, over not being loved anymore, its EGO, PRIDE, Self Confidence, Needing to feel wanted.

 

Once you figure that your no longer have to get the last word "sort of speak" then you'll heal much quicker.

[unclarity]

I say pay more attention to who is calling by changing your exes name in your phone from their name to "DO NOT ANSWER".

 

Worked wonders for me.

 

 

that cracked the heck out of me! so going to do that! i read you "NC for dummies" and im going to stick to it with life!

[luvflower]

Nope.

 

 

 

I say pay more attention to who is calling by changing your exes name in your phone from their name to "DO NOT ANSWER".

 

Worked wonders for me.

lol...ok. nope you didn't coin it or nope you're not gonna tell me...?

[chrisg83]

Ok I think my situation is abit more complicated than most and quite surreal. Me and My ex jumped into a relationship pretty soon we had only started seeing eachother when both our circumstances meant us to having to move in with eachother. We were great untill about a year into the relationship where it all went sour, constant bigerring and fighting about silly little things made us very unhappy and I was sure I was gonna end it. With that in mind I strayed away from our relationship and started to look elsewhere (kinda window shopping). This was a mistake I still regret.

 

She found out through hacking my email and we had an massive argument, feelings were up in the air, but she forgave me and I deleted all contacts and closed all social networking accounts etc to rpevent me from doing it again. 1 Month later she's pregnant (he is mine), I tunr my life around and get a better job and a place of our own and everything we need for the baby.

 

My Son is now 2 and i'm really unhappy with our relationship but prod along anyway because of a simple little thing I could not do anything I wanted to do for example if I wanted to go on xbox to speak to my family who lives in new zealand I would have to have a 2 hour argument with her to justify the cause I only asked once a week for a few hours, or say I wanted to go out for a few beers after work with some of my mates I had to bribe her with doing the house work on the weekend.

 

Alogn with this everyday I come home from work I do the washing up cook tea for everyone and bath my son and put him to sleep before being able to relax, the whole time thinking would it be selfish of me to ask if I could go on the computer for a few hours.

 

me and my g/f have an arguement the jist of it is she is really unhappy because I dont spend much time with her to which I respond "This is because I'm so unhappy, I get no "me time" without having to put up a fight which then creates a bad atmosphere and I cant stand being around you, and at the same time I am forced to watch every soap on tele that I dont like". I then said "all it would take is compromise, all you have to do is agree to let me play xbox a computer game a couple of hours a week and in turn I'll be happy and in return would want to make the effort to spend time with you (as long as it involves no soaps)", am I being selfish??

 

Ok present day, we almost broke up from the previous arguement (6 months ago), but since then she actually listend to me and did let me have some me time, in return are relationship has been the best it ever has, more intimacy and lvoe in the air, I actually fell in love with her again and was going to purpose on our 4 year anniversary which was last this thursday gone.

 

We broke up beggining of last month her reasoning being "She just doesnt feel the same about me anymore" (Typical reason from what Ive read) even though during this argument she agreed that our relationship has been great and that I have been the perfect Boyfriend and that she loves me and always will. How is it that that I have fell completely in love with her again, I'm besotted by her and her not feel the same. I know things change and we did get into a routine of doing things but (not the most fun routine but its stuff that has to be done) thats life, circumstances change people change but and I had to make more stabillity in our life for my sons sake.

 

The compliacted part:

as I said its been a month since breaking up, she still has to live with me because she has nowhere to go and there is a kid involved untill things get sorted with the council and finding a place to live etc. During this month things been going pretty fast she has been trying to just get everything sorted quick to move out and also managed to get anew B/f which honestly killed me inside. I've put on a brave front being civil to her etc. Last week everything started falling apart for her with finding a new place and council screwing her over, I really felt for her because I dont like seeing her in tears. The icing on the cake came when her new B/f dumped her just a few days ago on what would have been our 4 year anniversary, so me being a nice guy brought her flowers, chocolate and we had some wine with honeslty just the intentsion of cheering her up because she was breaking down. She went out clubbing last night with a friend with the intention of getting s**t faced so she could forget about things for one night but turned out it just amplified them and she came home early and in tears. I was upset to see her like this I just wanna see her happy even if it isnt me that can do that, but she came in slightly drunk and in tears, woke me up on the sofa (I fell asleep watching back to the future) she led on the sofa bed I layed out for her and I just held her hand, she broke down so I led next her and cuddled her. She then starts kissing me not just a normal kiss this had real passion in it not felt like this since we first met. I'm a stupid male and just carry on while thinking is this actually happening, she then pulls away and apologises, im there with a shocked face thinking wow but also thinking do we wanna go down this route, more for her than anything I dont want her feeling regret from being drunk and vulnarble. We kissed again it was an amazing feeling and comfortable aswell and one thing led to another. We both agree it was amazing and we both agreed it would be a one time thing and I'm not going to push for round 2 but there was more passion and more sparks last night than there has been in a long time because throught out our relationship we have never had the time to just work on us always something in the way with family etc. Do I want to be pursuing something by doing so I mean just be normal, civil and maybe she will see i am a decent guy still as I cannot to the NC even when she moves out because we have a kid.

 

OMG sorry guys for the lengthy post

[CaliGuy]

that cracked the heck out of me! so going to do that! i read you "NC for dummies" and im going to stick to it with life!

 

Good deal. It helps.

 

lol...ok. nope you didn't coin it or nope you're not gonna tell me...?

 

No I didn't coin it. It's been around for eons under various names. Read "No Foolin's" NC guide for more info.

[cdt76]

What happens is that people dont mention these things at all until they dump you, because they dont WANT to fix them, they want to dump you, so its just ammo.

 

If there was an issue that was fixable, people would approach you and try and fix it. When youre on your way out, nothing you can do is any good, anyway.

 

 

You have no idea how close to home this hit me!