yankees13 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Hey everyone I previously posted about my breakup, but I will refresh you all. I have been dating a wonderful guy (so I thought) for several months now. All of a sudden July 4th we had plans to hang out and I didn't hear from him. I texted him and it took him a while to respond, but when I finally heard from him I got a " we need to talk". I knew this was bad. I didn't see it coming. He has an ex wife and has been divorced for years now with whom he has children with. He informed me he wanted to get back to raise his children. This is something that is understandable and confusing at the same time. I definitely appreciate that he is realizing he should be in his kids' lives, but I also know that getting back with an ex solely for the kids' sake is a recipe for disaster for the adults. Either way I'm losing the man of my dreams and I can't really do much about it. The all happened Saturday and he is contacting me and really messing with my head now. I told him it would be best if I just had no contact, because it is too emotional for me. He came into my job last night AFTER I completely ignored my text and was asking me how I was doing and telling me I will be ok! He also told me that he is trying to talk to me so I will have a support system and so I won't get depressed. Really?? I don't even know what to think. Someone please give me some insight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fani Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I'm sorry to say sweetheart but I don't know why he would be doing that. I think relationships are always a lot more confusing in general when there are children involved somewhere along the way. The only thing I can think it is, and I am not saying this to get your hopes up, onl that it is the only reason i can think of, but I'm sur eother people will be bale to giv eyou more. It is that he does stil lov eyou, care for you and want you. But, like he said, he is back with her FOR THE CHILDREN it doesn't mean there is any love there between him and her, for all you know they may even be sleeping in seperate rooms. He is doing this for the littleuns but hasn't stopped loving you but thinks that he is doing right. And so he is stil wanting to look after you, to make sure you are ok, just cannot do so in the way that he really wants. How old are the children? If they are old enough to understand that their parents broke up, and that they both still love them and if they get to see their dad often still, then there is no reason why he could not be with you and stil be in their lives how he wants to be. I would understand if he didn't want to tell them about you, or atleast if they met you, not tell them that you are his girlfriend, rather just his friend. My parents split up when I was about 7...though i don't really remember it so I can' say if his would be upsest by it or not.
Peanut9330 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Your in a very difficult situation and you need to tell him that in order for you to get better that he needs to back off otherwise everytime you see him or hear from him your re-living the pain of the breakup, Tell him that you appreciate that he's trying to help you but its only hurting you that he's doing that. He has to understand that in order for you to heal you need time and space from him. Use your friends and family as a support system and make sure you make it clear to him that he need to back off and beleive me when I say that in time you will be much better.
Author yankees13 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 thank you both, I needed this insight! The children are 8 and 9 and I know for a fact she has been with other people after the divorce. I feel like he might not even be telling me the truth, but he has never lied before so I don't know why he would start. It's just very hard for me to accept. I really planned on marrying him and wanted a future with him. I just feel like there is something he is not telling me or leaving something out. I dunno. On one hand I believe he could make it work if he really wanted, but on the other hand I know there are certain circumstances where he might have to be with her to see the kids. I know I am a mess, and it is even harder because it's out of my control. I just don't believe you should have to choose between things you love. You would think everyone could coexist happily. I hope I don't sound selfish, but it is a very difficult situation and I'm just trying to deal
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