hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 my heart has now been obliterated. I have been constantly trying the NC fo a month now but to no avail. I have my ex gurlfriends passwords to various sites(email,facebook, and phone records). It has been a month since she broke it off and she has been seeing someone frequently. I met the guy b4 his a pig by the way. anyway i have completely flipped over this gurl i am in love with her. Yeah i have begged her and stalked her mainly to find out where this guy lives. i guess i dont need to find out. so today is another day tryin to NC and i check her phone records. The guy called at 1214am in the morning and they talked for 304 minutes which is rougly over 5 hrs. My heart plummeted to my stomach. WTF???!!!! she doesnt have a job(recent graduate student) and he is a cop so i kinda understand the time but for hrs on end til the wee hr in the morning?? must be hella deep convo. She said we dont have an emotional connection but i think we can have one there was a lot of turmoil in the beginning of the relationship that contributed to now. It pains me that she is calling this guy all the time and it hurts even more that she has been stayin in contact with him for 3yrs even after i said dont. I feel disrespect and betrayed. It hit me though cuz she dont give a shyt about me and she is doin her thing so there is no need to check her records anymore cuz i will be more hurt. I have learned a lot since this breakup i hurt a lot and cry a lot grieving wishing i could be with her. She said she likes the guy and i guess the proof is in the pudding. If she wanted me back then she would come after me but since she is pursuing him y do i need to try to get her back??? i would just hurt even more. i hate that i love her sooo much....
headlesschicken Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 stop checking up on her. just stop. use some blocking software on your computer if you're tempted. and stop. she is not yours anymore, and besides causing yourself pain, what you are doing is WRONG, it's an invasion of privacy and it's CREEPY. you need to stop.
adamt Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I think you need to get some help if you cant control yourself and cut all contact. You have to realise what ever you do she is not coming back. Focus your energy on yourself and get some hobbies or activities which will tire you out mentally and physicallyand fill your time. Have a bit of self respect.
t0ri Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I can relate, because I also have all of my ex's passwords. I know how tempting it is to kill your curiosity or worry by checking up on them. But you HAVE to let go at some point, the sooner the better. If you cannot find the willpower within yourself to stop spying on her, then block those websites, stay off the internet for awhile, or even tell her to change her passwords. You know doing this stuff is only hurting you more, and it's delaying your healing process dude. You're right, there is no point in you knowing what she's up to or who she's talking to anymore. She is not yours, she doesn't want to be with you, she's seeing someone else. What else do you need to check up on to realize? You know you need to stop, so stop. I know it's difficult, but you can do it. She's let go of you, and it's time for you to do the same.
yankees13 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I feel your pain, but it is only going to make it worse if you are seeing this stuff. I know it's easier said than done to say let it go, but in order for you to heal you need to break contact. If only I could listen to my own advice....
Exit Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I didn't even finish reading your post. I got to the part about checking her phone records. That's not "love" motivating you to do that. You need to let go. I'm surprised how many people around here I see saying "I know all my ex's passwords", who the heck exchanges passwords? Smells like trust issues from the very beginning. Stop checking on her. Now you have more than enough evidence that she has moved on. So should you.
wow123 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Exit, I have been wondering the same exact thing. I have never had any of my ex's passwords for anything including email, facebook, myspace, voicemail etc. If people exchange this information there is obviously a major lack of trust in the R.
Heartbroken-idiot Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 i know what your going through, i knew my recent ex's facebook password and did check it and found out some horrible stuff she had been saying about me behind my back, somehow she found out id been on it and seen all this to which i got an email saying she was sorry for all that she had put and didnt mean it, it ws just ment as a joke i wasnt ment to see. she has she changed it but she still knows mine and i know she was on it earlier tonight as when i was on it i clicked a link and it asked me to re log in meaning someone else had just logged onto it, i cant really understand why she is when she doesnt wanna be with me. p.s it wasnt the fact we told each other our passwords just the fact i was there n so was she before when we had both logged on.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 God I'm just going to have to side with Exit. You're a nut if you log into your ex's stuff. Period.
Author hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 i know i need to stop and i will. i just hate the fact the she has moved forward so easily and i am stuck in a rut. i hate love it hurts so much. i put my everything into this relationship and for what nuthing???? she is seeing someone else in less than month apart.??!! they say if u love them let them go...so i will..............i am falling deeper into the abyss. i couldnt eat for a month cant sleep questions burning my skull i need rehab
Thomas X Forever Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'm so sick of that quote "if you love them let them go". That's retarded. Forgive me for being blunt. That is such a cop out, so weak. Such failure in the eyes of psychology. SUCH failure. LET THEM GO CUZ YOU'RE BETTER OFF! Do you really WANT someone who flakes and jumps from relationship to relationship? Your ex is a nutbag Heartbreak, she probably suffers from borderline pd as well as bipolar disorder. And thats just the icing. She is a fruit cake. Forgive the bluntness, it is necessary
Olylama Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I think a lot of us feel your pain. And sure some of us are pretty blunt in telling you to get over it. But I think reading forums like this is a good step. Commenting on others stories helps you understand what you have to do yourself. i understand it is a deep sadness. Weird really it must hit our primal masculine soft spot. I am also in it deep. Stay strong, Stay away. Get positive this will change.
moo Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I feel that way when I am REALLY hurt, my self-respect goes out the window. that's terrible, I know. It's when I'm extremely hurt, I just want him to acknowledge what he did to me. And because he never does, I just keep going through this again and again like a hamster on a wheel. I've never threatened harm to him, nor will I, but still, I feel like a stalker. I'm embarassed of how I have pined for my ex...then again, why should I care what he thinks? But still...I have to get my self-respect back. If I can't handle this, how could I ever handle it if I get married and he cheats on me?
indriyani Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Moo, I am so on the same page as you right now as far as when I'm hurt, any ounce of self-respect just disappears. In fact I failed once again and contacted my ex about a half an hour ago because I felt we needed to talk. THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO SAY! I don't know what I'm doing, half the time I start out our conversations just saying that. I feel like there's going to be this magical moment where he just caves in and says "You know what, you're right. Let's give this another shot." But even as I type that sentence I realize how laughable it truly is. Waiting around for someone who has clearly moved on, to finally come around and see how meant to be you are ... is foolish, painful and masochistic in a way. Threads like this only confirm the truth that I need to stop before I get myself Baker Acted. I think for me, what it is? I see so much anger in him over what I became in his eyes, and it's so unresolved that I feel like the more I pry, the more I'll get him to finally unload. But I can't force him to communicate, I can ask him "What could I have done differently?" but the answer is always the same "I just stopped loving you." Crushing and hard to accept, most days I feel so sick to my stomach from crying I just want to sleep it off. But to get back to the original topic, stalking is never okay. And while I find myself constantly checking up on the ex's Twitter and things of that nature, I can be sure he isn't doing the same thing with me. So what's the point? hrtbrkhotel, all you're doing is making yourself sick over something that is out of your hands.
Author hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 i know i miss her sooooo much i just watched revolutionary road sad story but my ex said she wasnt in love with me anymore but i know we can get that love back but imma give her space to breathe maybe try to win her back latr i guess. Almost end of day 1 of NC be strong plzzzzzzz....
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