OpenGL Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Short backstory: So I have been suffering mild depression about my life relating to my lack of success with women. It was really getting to me as of late (I started hating women and not wanting to be around anyone). I finally decided I needed to get professional help from a therapist and paid for 5 sessions and have been to two so far... Well I am not getting anything out of it at all. I still feel the same (maybe even worse) than before I started. Is the whole psychological therapy thing a scam? Has anybody else here suffered depression relating to lack of relationships and counseling didn't help? What are my options at this point? Will meds be the only thing that helps me?
lora22 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I'm not a therapist, didn't major in psychology, etc., so I'm only speaking from my own personal experience. My very best advice is that you should be asking these questions and sharing these concerns with your therapist; afterall that's what s/he is there for, and that's what you're paying him/her for. IMO: Therapy takes time, you shouldn't expect to "feel better" after only 2 sessions (your therapist didn't tell you that? - I'm surprised you and s/he didn't talk about how it works, and what your expectations are from your sessions and so on). As far as I can tell the first session is usually an introductory/intake kind of thing where you decided if you want to keep seeing that therapist, and the therapist gets a feel for what your problem is and maybe makes an initial diagnosis, so I would think you've only had one "real" session anyways. I personally found therapy to be a huge help to me. If your depression is situational (as in, you're depressed because of your dating situation, or some other underlying issue; a death in the family; a move; etc.) I would think therapy would help and you wouldn't need drugs. I could be wrong. If you're depressed about something else, which in turn is what's causing your dating issues (can't think what it's called right now) then maybe drugs would be a good option for you.
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 OpenGL, I can relate to what you're feeling. I, too, suffered from depression for years and when I finally sought treatment it seemed to take a long, long time for anything to happen. But that's normal. The depressed brain is a stubborn beast, not wanting to give up it's well-worn paths of depressive thinking. It takes time and effort. Sometimes meds help by helping you think more clearly, and once you're thinking clearly you can do some of the hard work that it's going to take to re-wire your brain. Because that's exactly what you're doing: re-wiring your thought processes from one that's destructive to one that's constructive. Two sessions is far too short a time to be making any such determination. Keep it up. You do not have to live in a depressed state, and there is hope and light ahead.
Author OpenGL Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 I'm not a therapist, didn't major in psychology, etc., so I'm only speaking from my own personal experience. My very best advice is that you should be asking these questions and sharing these concerns with your therapist; afterall that's what s/he is there for, and that's what you're paying him/her for. IMO: Therapy takes time, you shouldn't expect to "feel better" after only 2 sessions (your therapist didn't tell you that? - I'm surprised you and s/he didn't talk about how it works, and what your expectations are from your sessions and so on). As far as I can tell the first session is usually an introductory/intake kind of thing where you decided if you want to keep seeing that therapist, and the therapist gets a feel for what your problem is and maybe makes an initial diagnosis, so I would think you've only had one "real" session anyways. I personally found therapy to be a huge help to me. If your depression is situational (as in, you're depressed because of your dating situation, or some other underlying issue; a death in the family; a move; etc.) I would think therapy would help and you wouldn't need drugs. I could be wrong. If you're depressed about something else, which in turn is what's causing your dating issues (can't think what it's called right now) then maybe drugs would be a good option for you. Yes I am aware that I'm not suppose to feel all the way better after 2 sessions but so far I just have a *feeling* like im not getting anything out of it. But I guess I will stick with it for now. My depression is situational (lack of love life) but I feel its starting to seriously effect me so I need to get this issue past me.
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 ... so far I just have a *feeling* like im not getting anything out of it. You just nailed it. Your feelings are lying to you. This is extremely common, by the way, especially in those (like myself and you) who have depressive tendencies. So, at the risk of going against the general flow, do NOT trust your feelings, do NOT trust your gut, do NOT trust your intuition. Yes, really.
torranceshipman Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Hi there, I agree with all the other posters about possible need for medication at some point, or that it takes a lot longer than 2 sessions to be helpful... ...however, to add to it - I know this might sound superficial BUT...dating can be superficial. Have you thought about your physique, how you communicate with women, your clothing, appearance, what you can offer a girl, etc? Changing up lots of these things can help your success rate hugely. I'm not saying become someone else - it is always important to be yourself - but getting in great shape and presenting yourself really well can only help the cause! Plus exercise and a healthy diet can be a very effective intervention for depression.
carhill Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 OP, if you're depressed, see, at minimum, a clinical psychologist who is experienced in treating depressive clients. S/he will have contacts with competent psychiatrists who can rx medications for combinative therapy. IMO, treatment should be a team approach, with both meds and talk therapy. Commit to a minimum of sixty days with weekly therapy sessions. Get back to us after that Also, from listening to you, your depression is situational, but may have roots in other areas of your psychology. A good therapist can get at your truth.
EddieN Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I've went to therapy for years and am still taking meds. Meds help a bit. Therapy is a waste. I went through about 8 doctors before I found one that was genuine and didn't just give me the same crap he learned in his/her useless psychology classes. Then once I stuck with the good guy, we just talked like friends every session...about music mostly. I enjoyed having him as a friend, but he didn't help much. Talking in a closed room away from the real world doesn't help. You need someone to be there with you while you tackle what is making you depressed. IMO, therapy isn't any better than coming on a forum like this.
motive2002 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 You get out of it what you put into it. I think therapy and self-help books have one thing in common.. a ton of ways to gain insight on what the core of your problems may be. HOWEVER if you do nothing with the information, and you don't really work at it you will have no progress at all. I wish therapists could talk the bad feelings away. I dunno, I always feel better after a session, just like how good it feels when you first get your hair cut, but if you don't maintain, and really work at it you're going to be disappointed in your results.
Author OpenGL Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 ...however, to add to it - I know this might sound superficial BUT...dating can be superficial. Have you thought about your physique, how you communicate with women, your clothing, appearance, what you can offer a girl, etc? Changing up lots of these things can help your success rate hugely. I'm not saying become someone else - it is always important to be yourself - but getting in great shape and presenting yourself really well can only help the cause! No, this is not it. I'm in excellent shape, 12% body fat, and I wear nice clothes. My looks could be the problem (maybe I'm just an ugly guy) but my physique definitely isn't.
Author OpenGL Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 OP, if you're depressed, see, at minimum, a clinical psychologist who is experienced in treating depressive clients. S/he will have contacts with competent psychiatrists who can rx medications for combinative therapy. IMO, treatment should be a team approach, with both meds and talk therapy. Commit to a minimum of sixty days with weekly therapy sessions. Get back to us after that Also, from listening to you, your depression is situational, but may have roots in other areas of your psychology. A good therapist can get at your truth. Yeah, I'm going to finish up these sessions with my current psychologist (since I have already payed for the sessions) then I think I might switch doctors to someone more qualified.
Author OpenGL Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I've went to therapy for years and am still taking meds. Meds help a bit. Therapy is a waste. I went through about 8 doctors before I found one that was genuine and didn't just give me the same crap he learned in his/her useless psychology classes. Then once I stuck with the good guy, we just talked like friends every session...about music mostly. I enjoyed having him as a friend, but he didn't help much. Talking in a closed room away from the real world doesn't help. You need someone to be there with you while you tackle what is making you depressed. IMO, therapy isn't any better than coming on a forum like this. This is exactly what I feel like after these 2 sessions but I'll take advice of everybody else here and keep doing it to see if my feelings change. Hopefully therapy isn't a waste for me but I have a feeling ultimately you might be right. If therapy doesn't work., it looks like I might have to become drugged out on meds. You say meds help a bit, but how much to they help you outside of just being high all the time?
Ruby Slippers Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Unfortunately, there are a lot of mediocre and ineffective therapists out there. The first time in my life I felt I needed to talk to a counselor, I went through several before I found one who helped me at all. The first ones I found did me next to no good. The one I ended up with is smart, knows how to get to the heart of the matter immediately, and challenges me. Every time I speak to her, I feel that I have a minor epiphany. I suggest shopping around till you find the one you click with.
torranceshipman Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Interesting what you say about your physique - bet you are a lovely looking guy and it is a confidence issue due to the depression...
Author OpenGL Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Well I had another session yesterday and informed her that I didn't think this was helping all that much and I don't feel im getting anything out of this. She pretty much just said its normal to feel that way and it just takes time to start getting something out of it and it will take many more sessions. I don't know I just feel shes trying to string me along for more money and has no real concern about my mental health. I guess it makes sense, why should she? It's just a business to her and shes there to pay her rent. I don't blame her. It's to the point where I think I'm just going to take the loss and not even finish up my next 2 sessions. I will probably use the time instead to look for another doctor.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 She pretty much just said its normal to feel that way and it just takes time to start getting something out of it and it will take many more sessions. That's BS. With my counselor, every single session helps, and at the end, she always ASKS ME if it was helpful, and how it went for me. Definitely dump her and find a counselor who helps you from the get-go. You should know by the first appointment, seriously.
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